Through The Eyes Of

Dont Let Go

Slash
This night has turned into pure hell; for Duff, for me, for Izzy, just pure fucking hell. Maybe this is our punishment for sinning or some shit; I don't know, that's what Axl would tell us that his step-father would say. What I do know is that Duff left the party earlier with two record execs and Izzy and I found him a couple of hours later stumbling down some road out towards the Hollywood sign. He's bleeding, his head's been busted open and god only knows what else. In the emergency room they put five stitches in his head and he keeps babbling about how he's sorry about something; I think he's telling me he's sorry for whatever happened with those two guys but that's not his fault.

Izzy comes back with clothes like he promised and when Duff's finally released hours later he's sitting in the waiting room ready to drive us home. In addition to the cut on his head Duff had a pretty bad concussion so the doctors monitored that for a few hours. When he finally started making sense again they released him and Izzy and I helped him walk to the car. He didn't talk all the way home except to answer Izzy's question of whether or not he was ok. I can tell that Izzy's high as fuck too trying to deal with what went down. I answered all the rest of the questions on the way home until we lapsed into silence and I just held Duff against my chest stroking the middle of his stomach as it's pretty much the only place on his torso that's not bruised.

He told me and the doctors in ER that he had jumped out of the car before anything had happened and he refused to file a police report for obvious reasons; we were all high and drunk as hell during the time period when all this happened. I whisper in his ear that I love him and nuzzle my face into his hair and kiss the top of his head and he weakly replies that he loves me too. "Shh baby, I know; just rest, I've got you," I tell him and I feel him slump back even further into me and he turns his face to the side and nuzzles into my hair and neck and I squeeze him a little but he winces so I loosen my grip and reach up and stroke his face softly instead.

When we get home Duff insists on getting in the shower immediately and he won't let me come with him which worries the hell out of me so I stand outside the bathroom door and listen to make sure he hasn't fallen down. He's in there a long time and I open the door and ask if he's ok several times until he finally comes out. He has the water on so hot that the bathroom is a giant cloud of steam; I don't care what he said back in the ER he didn't make it out of that car before those guys did something to him if he's practically scalding his skin off to get clean. Izzy makes grilled cheese sandwiches for all of us and insists that everyone eat including Duff when he comes out of the bathroom. We both watch Duff carefully make sure he's eating and drinking; hovering like worried parents. Everyone sits in the living room and eats in nervous silence or stilted conversation. Duff's dozing on and off from the painkillers I gave him when he got in the shower that the doctors sent home with him. When he's done with his sandwich I take him to bed and avoid Izzy's regretful eyes. I can't deal with that right now; all I can worry about is Duff.

When we get into the bedroom I get him settled in the bed and slide in next to him and reach over to stroke his belly where he's not black and blue so I can touch him as he falls asleep and he knows I'm there. I expect him to slip into sleep more or less immediately but he rolls over and grips my shirt and moves so that I'm holding him with his head on my shoulder and chest and my arms around him. "You ok? Are you comfortable?" I ask him anxiously as I brush his hair back off of his face gently; careful not to touch the stitches on his head.

"Just hold me, tell me you love me," he begs quietly. "All I really need is you right now."

I feel a lump rise in my throat when he says that. "I do love you, I love you more than anything. I was so worried about you all night; I was going to make Izzy drive all over LA until we found you. Apparently he knew where to look though; but he wouldn't tell me when I asked him how he knew but he did. All I wanted was to hold you and make sure you were safe. When I saw you in the headlights I was afraid somebody had shot you; that's what it looked like there was so much blood. It scared the fuck out of me! Now that I have you I won't let go of you either, I promise. You didn't let go of me when that trucker came after me; you held me and talked to me until I fell asleep and you were still holding me the next morning. Right now I don't want to ever let go of you; I want to keep you here where you're safe; I love you so much Duff," I blurt out. Whatever happened you're going to be ok; I promise."