Through The Eyes Of

Shower

Axl

I stood in the shower trying to wash the anger off me. I wanted to strangle Izzy, better yet, that goddamn Nikki Sixx. Yeah he helped us out, but the guy was just bad news. His whole band was, except that quiet guitarist guy. Nikki and Tommy drew attention and made themselves the center of attention no matter where they went. And Nikki's drug problem was like dangling steak in front of a lion that hasn't ate in a month when it came to my band. Even Duff drank more when they were around. Only I seemed to be immune to him.

Out the shower window I see the mutilated tree. Why? Why blow up a perfectly good tree? I thought it was nice the way it shaded the morning sun shining in the window. Obviously Izzy and Nikki found it as an block in their view. Fucking view of what The street? So what do they do? Blow it the fuck up and get cops called when there was dope and booze and dozens of minors in the house! And what does Izzy do? He bails and leaves me to clean up his fucking mess! Now we are going to get into deep shit with Geffen for this little stunt.

After a while I hear the door open. I waste no time asking who it is because I already know; its Izzy. I listen as he strikes his lighter. I soon hear the lid of the toilet drop. I'm assuming he's sitting on it to talk to me through the shower curtain.

"I don't want to talk to you right now," I sigh as I wash my hair.

"Come on Fireball, I'm sorry darlin, it was dumb of me," he says softly.

"Yeah Izz, you're always sorry. But does sorry ever fucking fix it? Better yet does sorry ever make you learn from any mistakes? No, you just continue fucking up. I don't know what happened to you Izzy but you're losing it. Losing your drive. Losing your fucking soul. Why Izzy? Why?"

Izzy sat silently smoking his cigarette. I knew I had made him think. "You ought to know why," he says softly, "you were there."

I stare at the ceiling as I shower the shampoo from my scalp. "Quit it Izzy. Do you hear me using being fucked by my father as an excuse to stay loaded and act like some delinquent?"

"Uhhh, Ain't you the one who's been arrested 20 times and has active warrants in Lafayette?" His droll voice asks exhaling from his cigarette. Sometimes I really wanted to smack him when he got one up on me. He always had the last word. And yeah, my criminal record was a mile long. But it wasn't like serious shit, just misdemeanor kid shit. But if Izzy got arrested it wouldn't be some bullshit offense. It would be for dealing and possession or a concealed weapons charge. Some of those could be felonies.

I sigh exasperated and not wanting to go into the topic of rape any further. It was touchy to us both. "You just fucking left me there to clean up your mess."

"You rather we all go to jail for smack in the house?" he huffs. "I got the shit out. I saved everyone from jail."

"No, actually that would be Electra that got us off. And thats just because Nikki was involved."

I hear Izzy sigh, "Do you even want to know what went down?"

"I await unabashedly," I smirk. Dont think I don't care about what happened, I do. I'm just finding it hard to think of anything other than how pissed at Izzy I am.

"Duff beat the shit out of him after I cleared the house."

"Fuuuuck Izz," I moan, "Why did you let him do that? He fucking works for Geffen! We signed with Geffen." I turn off the water and rip the curtain open. I glare at Izzy.

"Bout time you got out of there I was starting to feel like I was in one of those confessional things."

"Just when I think your destruction for the evening is over you fucking do something else fucking stupid! Thanks a lot Izz. Bye bye contract." I grab a towel and wrap it around my waist. I storm over to the mirror and comb my hair.

Izzy approaches me from behind and takes the comb and starts to work the knots out.

"Being nice don't fix shit either."

"Mmmm, you sure?" He asks me and kisses my shoulder.

That little bastard knows how much I love that. I shrug my shoulder away. "Stop it."

"Oh come on Axe, do you see me act like this over the cruel shit you tend to pull? I love you and forgive everything. You cheated on me with the kid. Did I say one fucking word? So I blew up a fucking tree! Trust me, there are worse things I could do. You too."

God I hated it when he was right. "I'm going over to Erin and Angela's place. I just can't take being here tonight," I grumble.

"Come on darlin, don't go we waste too much time fighting over nothing."

"Nothing!" I snap. "Cops showing up is not nothing!"

"What can I do Axe? I can't go back in time here," he shrugs.

I sigh and look down. "You've got to pull it the fuck together Izzy. We,re signed now."

"I know," he softly replies. "Just please don't go. It's our first night here. Wouldn't feel right sleeping without you here."

"Fine. I'll take your Twin bed."I start for the door.

"Axl..."

I see Duff and Slash passed out on my bed. Goddamnit!

"We'll just take their room. You still get your precious twin bed," Izzy says in a condescending tone.

So we go to their rooms and settle in their beds. We lay restlessly in silence.

"Reminds me of your room back home," I mutter.

"Yeah, only we never slept in the spare twin," he sighs.

"Just shut up Izzy. Just let me go to sleep. I won't be so mad in the morning."

He sighs again. "Night fireball. For what it's worth, I love you."

I just roll onto my side with my back facing him. It stays quiet and we fall asleep.