Ecstasy ✶ James Potter

08 - confusion at its finest

I sat in the marauder's dorm, confused. I am not sure why I felt jealousy at that party. Selene isn't special, well she is, She helps me pass muggle studies. But, I am in love with Lily, I am supposed to be in love with Lily. I think I would most definitely not be confusing my feelings if Lily shared my feelings, I have spent the last six years pining after her. At some point it gets tiring. The one day in the common room where Lily was especially rude, burned.

Lily momentarily looked up from her parchment to find James smirking at her. Lily huffed and put down her quill for a moment "What do you want Potter?" James gave her a sarcastic quizzical look "To go out with you of course."

Lily rolled her eyes "I have told you no for the last 6 years. It will always be a no!"

Everyone looked up at Lily and James. The marauders and Selene were all very used to James asking out Lily and her saying no. This was different... Lily was normally semi-nice about it. Selene noticed James' face fall and he looked almost sad about it. He always returned to his smug smirk after getting rejected

And then, Selene came upstairs to my dorm to
"comfort" me or whatever, I appreciated that a lot. I think that is where my feelings got confused. She sat with me for hours in silence, she was just there. It could have been that Lily had just rejected me, but I don't think so. I think part of me loves Lily, there was a time where every ounce of my being was completely and utterly in love with her. After six years of rejection and heartbreak I think my feelings have fizzled out a bit, I mean it was just every day I was trying to flirt with her or impress her or even try and make it official. I'm not sure when my feelings did change. I never paused to think about what I am feeling it was always just go, go, go.

So now, I am here, maybe in love with Lily and being a horrible person and starting to like her best friend. She is nice to me and understands me in a way, Lily just doesn't. Lily would have had my head if I was late to a planned meet, Selene was amused and wanted to know what Sirius and I did to get in trouble with McGonagall.

Selene was approaching me in the great hall the next day at breakfast. All I could think was, oh no I am going to get it, but surprisingly, I was wrong.

"Oi Potter!" Selene whisper shouted from behind me, I cringed and slowly turned my head to face her.

Women are scary.

"Yes, Ray?"

Selene starts to laugh, "So, what did you and Black do this time?" She asks, I smirk "Oh you know the usual"

She just shakes her head, obviously amused, "Well considering you stood me up, I will need details. For entertainment purposes only." I grin at her and tell her how Sirius and I transfigured the Slytherin Common room into a muggle wrestling arena.

Oh, Godric. What is she doing to me? Lily would have been pissed if I stood her up, even more, pissed if it was because of me getting caught doing a prank.

Sirius walks into the dorm room and plops down on my bed, "Prongs, I say for our next prank we-" He trails off but I don't hear it, I'm too busy in my thoughts. "Oi, Prongs?" Sirius says in a voice of confusion, "Er yes?" I respond, "Did you even hear a word I said?" Sirius asks, he must have noticed the cringe on my face. This is Sirius, my best mate. Surely I can tell him that I am starting to fall out of love with Lily? "IhavefallenoutoflovewithLily" I mumble, "Huh?"

I said, "I have fallen out of love with Lily." I look up to meet Sirius' face, shock evident. This is it, he thinks I am crazy. "Well, it is about time." He responds. I am shocked. "So, you have fallen for Ray now?" Remus asks, "When the merlin did you get in here?" I ask, eyes wide. "I have been in here the whole time, James. You just were too stuck in your thoughts."

"I- Wha- h-how did y-you k-know?"

Remus sighs, "Well Prongs, it was only a matter of time. Selene is smart and similar to Lily but she has a mischievous and humorous side. And might I add always has had an eye for you but was too far in denial to realize it. Lily is good and all but you would get bored of her as you have already, you two would be better platonically. You and Selene have known each other since the train ride in the first year. She liked you."

I sigh, "No have you seen her? She gets annoyed with me, she is just more amused with the pranks."

Remus rolls his eyes, "But Prongs, notice how she only seems annoyed with you when you are flirting with Lily."

My eyes widen.

No, it cannot be. I could not possibly like Selene. But, I do. I just never noticed. Sometimes when I would be staring at Lily my eyes would wander over to Selene. When did this start? What do I tell Lily "Hey, I think I did love you at one point but now I like your best friend!"Merlin. What has Selene done to me? How do I tell her or at least hint at it? Wait... I could hint at it. But there is no way that I love her in that way... she is a great friend. I will just hang out with her more. I need to stay loyal to Lily.

"Boys, I know what I am going to do."

AN: oh what is sweet Jamesie going to do?

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