"i got soap in my eyes" Cali yelled, trying not to open them.
"Im sorry love, let me see" i said calmly, trying to hide the panic in my voice and the thud of my heart it my chest. She has no idea what that does to me when she panics. That blood curdling scream of pain i know all to well.
Gently flushing her eyes out with warm warm water, i started singing "my little girl", the song my mom had sang to he as a baby. It was so fitting for her, sorta like mine, i guess. When my mom had me, the only song that would put me to sleep was "terrible things." she used to tell me it was perfect, that she knew i was tough and i would be strong. My sister on the other hand, so gentle and delicate. Beautiful in the way a butterfly is, but doesnt know it. Sometimes i feel like i could break her if i hugged her to tightly. My mom was right about us both, me being strong, yes. But also cold, mistrustful... And a tad bit aggressive. Cali though, she couldn't hurt anyone if she tried (which she wouldn't.)
"Go get your pjs on" i said, not wanting to make her sad.
"dessert?" she asked, making a face the devil himself couldnt deny.
"if you get to bed quick enough, i will make you something special" i said with a mischievous grin, knowing her curiosity would over power her childish want to disobey and beg to stay up.
She dashed into her room, falling as she went, and shouting "im okay" as if i couldnt hear her. Man, she cracks me up.
I went into the kitchen, and thought about the cold hard floor, the Window cracked just slightly, and the crickets outside. I never really appreciated the little things until now.
"Are you done mickey?" she hollered from her bedroom.
"its almost ready!" i hollered back, wanting to make her wait just a bit longer for suspense sake.
"Now presenting, the most delicious food your little taste buddies will ever experience!" i announced with overly dramatic dynamics, knowing she could hardly wait.
"an ice cream bar, but not just any ice cream bar, theres something special about this one." i said as i watched her eyes widen, about to pop out as far as i could see.
"this ice cream bar just so happens to be dipped in smores frosting, served with chocolate milk." i announced with an unnessicary, but oh so fun flourish of my hand.
She loved it, just as i had suspected. After our little scare tonight, i figured sugar highs might not be such a bad idea right now.
I know, i know, sugar before bed is "bad parenting" or whatever, but until you find a sugar free something that makes her this happy, you can bet every once in a while, ill give her a reason to smile and find a few hours of happiness a kid her age deserves. "goodnight girly" i whispered, realizing i had sang her to sleep. I had been singing this whole time, and not realized it. I guess im starting to get the hang of this whole "adult" thing. I need to finish my journal. I need to start "opening up" so, no better time than now.
-Lost my train of thougt. Now, my full name is nicole Frazier james, and my sister is cali ali james. Dad was a fan of boxing, incase u didnt notice. I was always the epitome of a tomboy, anything the guys could do, i could do better. Anything my dad did, i did. Until junior high, when i... "grew up" a bit. Instead of calling me "mikey" (my mom always called me mickey) i was nicole. Instead of joking with me, they stared. I was no longer "one of the guys." i was more along the lines of "a girl." don't get me wrong, it was nice at first, but eventually we all miss the old us. Michale never lost that though. Sure, i had changed in his eyes in some ways, but every now and then, when he tickles me or teases me, i see that boy from 2nd grade, helping me up during 2 hand touch football, and sticking up for me in 7th grade when a guy started pushing me around. He never lost his... Muchiness, thats what mom had called it. The original spark that makes u fall in love.
"ive shared alot more than.usual tonight, but i can never end these right. Oh well, this will have to do" i thought, singing
"goodnight
-mickey" at the bottom.
I need to change into my pjs, myself .
"Buzz...buzz"
I checked my phone, seeing michales text
"meet me outside in 20 minutes
-M"
