He read the text out loud, each word making me feel even more cold inside... I wanted to kill. I wanted to scratch his eyes out. What am i gonna tell cali??? Shit shit shit shit. What am i gonna tell
Mr. Locknem???
This is why i need vodka.
"pull over, I'll drive" he said, staring at me as if i was broken.
"no, i like it. This calms me down."
"well i wanna drive. I know the perfect place, kinda illegal."
I finally relented and pulled over, feeling beat up and defeated.
"its only illegal of we get caught" he whispered.
"okay. Let's go." i said, mentally breaking down inside.
No. He will not make me feel like this. I don't know what i can do, but he's just... He refuses to trust me, and i need a man who does. DAMMIT. All i wanted was to have an okay marriage, a good life like everybody else. Instead amy was a bitch and michale didnt trust me. I blame him.
We drove about ten minutes in silence, i could feel him staring at me, but i didnt say anything. He was a bad boy, but good boys and cops are no fun. Michale really had been just like my dad. Mean when he was drunk, untrusting, manipulative... Dammit, my mom had been right.
He pulled over and opened the door of his car, mumbling "doubt it" at the sign.
I jumped in the driver's seat, yelling at him to open the vodka. I need this. I need a good time.
We pulled up on a clearing, and i drove down the trail. It was beautiful. The flowers were blue and red and the trees cleared, creating the perfect patch of sunshine.
I parked in the middle of it and got out, changing into my tank top.
We talked for a while, both of us drinking our feelings. You could tell he needed this to, although there was something different about his drunkenness now. He wasnt angry... Im shocked, but maybe he really has changed... Maybe.
After a while, i started getting tipsy... Meaning i wanted to dance, but SOMEONE wont dance with me.
Rude.
I got down on the ground and started singing and dancing, until i felt two hands on my shoulders, stopping me from behind.
I turned around to see him smiling, he had changed the song...
"darling you are, the only exception." he began to whisper along with the song, putting his hands around my waist and pulling me closer.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, putting my head on his chest. His heart beat so loudly it sounded like the bass in his truck.
When the song was over, i tried to pull away, but he gently pulled me back, moving the hair away from my face, his hands were ice cold, like always. They felt so nice of my cheek, so soft, even with his working man hands. He was drunk, i was tipsy.
"i have cali to think about." i mumbled, looking up at him.
"i don't see her around. Do you?" he asked quietly, laughing a bit.
" no, but i have to do counseling to have a man who doesnt know me, evaluate my capabilities as a provider for my baby sister. I would do anything for her... Even go back to michale." i said quietly, slightly ashamed at the truth.
"no. You cant do that. He doesnt treat you right. Neither did i, obviously, but you need a man who does. He will respect you. He will be so in love, he will be dying to see you at the end of the day. He will ask you how your day was, and actually care.
He will love cali so much. And you. You two will be the apple of his eye. Wait for him. He will look at your lips instead of your body, you will be every damn star in his sky. Dont sell yourself short of the very best. You deserve the best this world has to offer. Wait for it." he said. I am on the verge of tears. I have to say something. Do something... His lips. They look so soft and sweet.
I kissed him... The worst part? It was a damn good kiss.
"wait." he said, pulling back.
"if we start, i wont want to stop kissing, or stop at kissing you." he said quietly, taking a step back.
"neither will i, but i can handle you. The changed you can handle himself, right?"
"with most, but with you, i have been wanting to kiss you all night and now... I just dont want to stop kissing you."
"then don't" i said, kissing him again. He was more powerful this time. Passionate and sweet. I swear, he was the best kisser. He knew just how to make it soft, yet rough. I may not want to get married to this man, but right now, the only place id rather be, is in michale's house, beating up his shit.
He walked me over to the truck, not stopping his kiss. He picked me up and set me on the tailgate. He pulled away again, still close.
"wait, just to be clear, we are not going past kissing." he said firmly.
"not that i object, but why?"
"Im abstenant until marriage from now on." he said quietly, looking at me sheepishly.
"well, okay!" i said, giving him a peck on the cheek.
"wait, where are you going?" he said loudly as i got up and put my shirt on.
"nothin! Its just getting a bit cold out and we were moving to fast. You're not even my boyfriend and i don't want to screw michale over like that. I am not his biggest fan, but i intend on shuttling one door before i open another." i said firmly, but smiling at him.
"maybe im just a window you opened for a breeze?" he asked hopefully, looking up at me.
"no, i... I dont know what you are. I wish to god i knew, but i don't. If i did, I'd tell you. You are an old door, but... You feel knew. You feel difderent and i dont know what to say." i said, beginning to cry again.
"thats okay." he whispered, pecking my cheek and wrapping his arms around me.
He shushed me and rocked me, slowly picking me up and putting me further into the truck bed. He pulled one blanket over me and sat almost two feet away, looking at me.
"would it be out of place for me to say, you look beautiful?" he said sincerely.
Ugh i hate having feelings.
"only if you said so and didnt come snuggle with me." i said cutely.
"fine, but keep classy." he laughed, curling up beside me.
"thank you so much." i whispered softly, staring at his eyes.
"for what?" he said, sincerely confused.
"for picking up the phone. For coming out here. For trying not to 'take advantage' of me. Thank you for caring." i said, snuggling up close to him. This was the perfect place to be.
"i made you feel worse than thay jerk, i have so much to make up for. Im so so so sorry. Im more sorry than words can express. I never intended to hurt you." He said, lifting up my chin.
"i know, but if you keep touching my face, im gonna want to kiss you again. And again. And again. So, if you want me to, keep going." i laughed.
"i want you to, more than you know, ive missed this. But i screwed up. You deserve better. And you will find better." he said, a tear sliding down his cheek.
I wiped the tear away, kissing him anyways. It was so warm, and perfectly calm out here. I could do this forever. He is the one thing on my mind.
I kissed him again. This it how i wanted to feel with michale, my heart started racing and had that exciting feeling that i used to get.
Things started to move faster, and he stopped himself.
"i love you." he whispered.
