Statehumans one-shots because why not? [SH crackfic]

9- America day!

1. Spend all your money on the biggest illegal fireworks in town. 

2. Find a nice spot to set them off, preferably a public school's roof. 

3. Get the red white and blue popsicles ready. 

4. Invite friends. 

5. Start barbeque. 

6. While hotdogs and burgers are cooking, launch fireworks. No need for any safety equipment. 

7. You will most likely end up needing a hospital, but a bandaid applied to the burnt area should do fine and cost less. 

8. Fire the canons you should have filled with tea into the local tea dumping harbor. 

9. Get drunk and eat burgers. Underaged people can have root beer.

10. Stay up all night. 

11. Be late for work the next day. 

12. Set up Halloween decorations.

That list is what Pennsylvania was currently holding.

They were the instructions on how to celebrate July 4th, if you couldn't tell.

"Alright," Penny muttered to herself. "This looks reliable."

You see, last year, and all the years before that, the states have had a 4th of July party. But, their parties always ended in chaos. Penny was hoping to follow these simple WikiHow instructions and make an enjoyable party that won't end up in death.

Penny wasn't able to see that these instructions weren't really well written or useful. For starters, why does it say you have to buy illegal fireworks? That sounds pretty illegal to me.

But Penny didn't see that, because all the celebrations of this holiday in the past ended much worse. Illegal just meant legal in her vocabulary. 

She set off towards the dollar store, and purchased all that was necessary.

And for our daily check up on America, let's see how he's doing on his birthday;

"HAHA! YES! YOU MUST LET ME DOWN BECAUSE IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND THAT GIVES ME POWER!" America yelled triumphantly.

"Hah... no," England said, continuing towards the pool with Wales and Scotland.

"BUT PLEASE!" America cried. "I'VE BEEN AWAY FROM MY CHILDREN FOR TOO LONG!"

"1) Only 13 of them are related to you, and they aren't even your children, they're your little brothers/sisters/siblings. 2) One of them, I'm sure, is responsible. They're fine. 3) Nobodies ever letting you down, you've become part of the house," Wales listed off.

"But, if you force me to stay here, that means I have to celebrate my birthday here and not at home," America reasoned. "You don't want that, do you?"

The three dudes thought about five years ago, when they attended a 4th of July party. The chaos... the doom... the partying... the loud noises... the death... the flashing lights... they all shuddered at the memory.

But then again, they were all too short to help America down. But they didn't want to admit that, so instead they said this;

"Whatever, we can handle it! We aren't letting you down!"

Meanwhile, Penny just finished the purchase of illegal fireworks that were supposed to 'Be so bright, you're annoying neighbor won't ever see again!' according to the advertising.