Statehumans one-shots because why not? [SH crackfic]

18- Discovery

"THERE'S BEEN A REMARKABLE BREAKTHROUGH!" ABC News announced. "APPARENTLY, COUNTRIES ARE PERSONIFIED! AND SO ARE THE STATES! HOLY GUACAMOLE! EVERYONE, GET THE PAPARAZZI, 'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA PAPAPARTY! Wait, that was really cheesy, who wrote my script today? Was it Carl again? I SWEAR CARL-"

The states gawked at the television screen before them. This was terrible! Especially because they are currently in school while watching this!

"WOAH, THE AMERICAN STATES HAVE BEEN DISCOVERED!" A random African state shouted.

"EVERYONE, LOCK DOWN THE BUILDING, THROW THE AMERICANS OFF THE PREMISES! PRETEND LIKE YOU NEVER KNEW THEM!" The principal screeched over the loudspeakers.

So, the states found themselves standing outside of the school, which had all of its lights off, and all of its windows and doors and chimneys shut. Oh yeah, I just decided it's winter, so now the states are freezing outside the school.

"What do we do? We've been exiled, and the paparazzi are coming for us!" New Hampshire asked.

"We go into hiding! Become outlaws!" New York gasped dramatically.

"No, we'll become outlaws in a wild-west themed chapter later, for now, we must either take the fame and probably get killed by the paparazzi, or move in with Grandpa," Utah reasoned.

The states looked at each other and nodded.

"So we're in agreement that we'd rather die than live with that tea-snorter?" Connecticut asked for confirmation.

"Yeah!" The thirteen colonies screeched in unison.

"I think he's actually a really good grandpa. He works really hard for us, plus he bought me that choo choo train last year-" Hawaii started "And remember? He pushed through last Christmas without complaining about all the terrible pranks you idiots caused. Plus he forgave America after the war and-"

"It's too late, anyway," Alaska interrupted, loading a shotgun. "They're coming."

Indeed they were. The paparazzi ran through the field in front of the school with cameras and microphones.

"Stay back. I'll handle this. Keep weapons at bay," Da Capital pushed the states behind her.

The paparazzi arrived, and immediately began asking questions and poking microphones in DC's face.

"WHO ARE YOU?" Someone shouted.

"WHY WEREN'T WE AWARE OF YA?!" Another someone yelled.

"This job doesn't pay enough. I just want a friend :(" Some older dude sighed.

"EVERYONE! CALM DOWN!" A familiar authoritative voice yelled.

*GASP!* It was His Majesty Mr. Sir Lord Announcer Guy! 

"Thank you, His Majesty Mr. Sir Lord Announcer Guy," DC stepped in. "I can handle this, though."

Da Capital death-glared the crowd, whilst secretly taking out a flash grenade.

"I have much to explain. First, the states are not real, it's all lies. Second- KERCHOW!" Da Capital screeched, detonating the flash grenade.

During the time that the blinding light blinded the peoples, the states managed to all board a helicopter and fly away without a sound, because they flex taped gun mufflers onto the propellers, that's why they have a silent helicopter. 

They call it the 'Owl', for reasons you would know from watching Puffin Rock. Or just knowing your basic bird facts.

If you didn't watch Puffin Rock, you should have at least seen Octonauts. If you haven't seen Octonauts, Blue Clues. If not that, AT THE BARE MINIMUM you should have seen My Little Pony. If not MLP, you don't have a childhood and mean nothing to me. (JK, luv u <3)

The states escaped to the place where they felt like they could blend in the most; Wyoming. Among the huge population there, they could walk around with ease and not be caught, so long as you wore the current fashion in Wyoming, then you'd be pretty much invisible. (The fashion changes every month. This month, it's popular to wear anime cosplay everywhere for some reason)

"Hey, guys!" Wyoming greeted them, wearing a REALLY tiny skirt.

"Hi! Is there a place we could stay here? We're on the run. Again," New Mexico complained.

"Unfortunately, there's no more space in my country for another household. Although, I could let you crash at the local hotel!" Wyoming smiled. "But in return, you have to buy a souvenir."

"Why would we want a souvenir-" South Dakota started.

"We'd be glad to do exactly that!" North Dakota interrupted.

So the states crashed at Wyoming's place. Each of them bought souvenirs.

"Why are we buying these again?" Nebraska asked.

"Because, I want you all to have something to remember me by. I've been a bit lonely :(," Wyoming smiled sadly.

That's why the states had a huge group hug (I mean HUUUUUUUUGE group hug) and everyone felt loved and safe from the paparazzi.

But, it's the paparazzi, so of course it only took some investigating to realize the exact coordinates of the state's position.

"Ya know what? You stay in hiding. I'll sacrifice myself," New York decided as a mob of paparazzi crashed through the fireplace.

"We shall honor you," The states bowed, before disintegrating into carbon dioxide.

So, NY was the only one left standing in front of the army of questions.

"EVERYONE! QUIET DOWN, DUDES!" NY shouted.

The crowd shut. Yes. They just... 'Shut'.

"My name is New York. Yes, I'm a state. Although, I am the only state that has a human (ish) representative. So don't go investigating around Washington street in Washington DC, and definitely don't look for the address '1732'," New York explained.

So, New York got interviewed like crazy. NY ended up getting incredibly rich off of it, and was the topmost richest man ever.

"Hahaha, all according to plan!" NY smirked as he swam around in his money tank.

"GASP! You didn't volunteer as tribute! YOu jUst wAnTed thE MONEY!" All the states yelled at NY.

"Pfft, naw. I just sacrificed myself for your safety and wellbeing," NY reasoned.

"SUREEE-" New Jersey SUREEE'd.

There was then a huge fight over New York's previous decisions, and over money, of course. Amidst the battling, one state stood still;

"I just wish this never happened. All this useless fighting is giving me a headache," Iowa sighed.

"Your wish is my command," A random shooting star said as it flew by.

And so, everyone woke up in the morning in their beds with no memory of what had happened. Also, all the humans forgot about someone mentioning states being real. Therefore, this chapter pretty much never happened.

Have yourself a jolly good day.