My Immortal Soldier

Heart Full of Shame

(Present Day)

The warm water felt different than it has for all of my 95 years of life. It was like I was finally starting to wash away all of my sins and regrets. In a way, I was being baptized into my new life of running and hiding from Hydra. There were no more orders I had to follow. I finally felt free until my hands traveled to the metal plate and my C-scar; bringing me back to reality. I realize now I'll never be free from my haunting past. I grabbed the shampoo to continue my routine until the shower curtain drew away to reveal Bucky all nude. I screamed and turned away from him to hide myself.

"Bucky please get out! Please!" I cried and begged him.

He face fell into a deep, deep frown while he drew the curtain back then slammed the door behind him. I took a deep breath to slow my racing heartbeat. Bucky took me by immense surprise, and I felt awful for yelling at him. I quickened my shower since I needed to talk to him. I put on a shirt and some shorts as well as his dog tags. I opened the door to see that he had pants on now while he sat on the edge of the bed with the files in his hands.

"Bucky, I'm sorry that I yelled at you." I told him quietly.

"I remember us."

I sat next to him with my head hanging low in shame for what I was about to tell him.

"We're both different now Buck. Your arm. My heart."

His head turned to me with a puzzled look on his face. Didn't he see? I sighed then lifted up my shirt to show him what I meant. His face hardened as his blue eyes grew bright with rage.

"This is how I'm still alive," I moped as fresh tears started to pour from my eyes. I put down my shirt then placed my head into my hands. "I'm sorry. I'm so...sorry."

I couldn't stop crying after years of holding the tears back. 70 years of not crying and now I'm breaking down as if I was the Hoover Dam. Suddenly, I felt a warm, human arm and a cold, metal one scoop me up and lay me down under the duvet. I looked to Bucky only to see the saddest face staring back at me. Somehow it took my breath away to see him. Bucky turned off the lights then crawled next to me; cuddling up against me.

"I'm here." He whispered as he stroked my hair. It was so strange but in a good way to have him lying next to me once again. The warmth from Bucky's chest resonated against my back as he slowly wrapped his arm around my stomach, around the scar. He didn't flinch away from the ruined flesh; rather pulled me closer into his chest. I started to close my eyes and relax into his body until I felt something soft and warm pecking at my neck. I rolled over to face Bucky. Was he kissing me? By the force that once attracted us together like magnets, I slowly caressed his lips. They seem familiar yet foreign at the same time. His lips did not really move, so I pulled away. I had the urge to apologize, but I don't think he would accept it in his silence. So I settled into the nook of his neck and shoulder, which made him relax himself around my small frame.

"A thousand times goodnight." I mumbled as I felt my eyelids get heavy.

(Flashback)

Within the darkness and confines of a straitjacket, I was swimming with emotions: pain, anger, grief, loss, lonliness, empty, sad, depressed...hate. My entire abdomen felt excruciatingly tender. I didn't want to see what they have done to me to keep me alive. I should have died in that hospital explosion. What did Hydra want with me? I am like their Frankenstein monster. When I tried to escape, they captured me and placed me inside a straitjacket into a dark, cold room. What if they had mistaken Bucky's dog tags for someone else? Perhaps he was still alive! I had a spark of hope to escape again! Suddenly, a door opened and bright, fluorescent lights burned my eyes.

"Hail Hydra...now repeat it." I recognized the voice to belong to Dr. Zola...my Dr. Frankenstein. I shook my head, refusing to do it.

"We saved your life. You owe us." He said quietly.

"I didn't ask to be saved!" I snapped at him. He was stunned to silence. I sat back, for my chest began to burn deeply from the pain. I shook my head in defeat. What else did I have left? Bucky couldn't possibly be alive. I know he would beg me not to do this, but he isn't here anymore. Dr. Zola started to leave.

"Wait...Hail Hydra." I sighed inwardly in my pain, hatred and shame.

"Good. Now, let's get to work, my little Heart of Steel." He stated with a sickeningly wicked smirk.