Healing Love

Chapter 32

(Jin Ah POV)

Ever since we returned from Okinawa, my relationship with my husband has never been better. We have become closer to each other more than before. I realised that I need him more than I thought I would.  I need oppa the most when I am not with him. He is not just a husband, but he is my support system, my pillar, my protector and most importantly, my safe haven. Without him, I am clueless, lonely, frightened and feel unsafe. What happened to Jae Wook two weeks ago is proof that I need him by my side, and I couldn't function without him. I have a problem taking care of my son on my own. I could not do this parenting alone.

I also have been given deep thought to all halmeoni's words to me. Cliché or not, all of her words are true. I can understand why she favours Jung Hyuk over Oh Soo because she witnessed how Jung Hyuk being responsible for Jae Wook and me. She noticed how Jung Hyuk oppa step in to be my husband and Jae Wook's father. She saw how well he takes care of us, so, naturally, she wants Jung Hyuk for me. She always tells me to listen to the elders as they are more experienced in life and has the wisdom youngsters do not have.

I also keep pondering on her words of advice when I was in Okinawa.

You are so lucky to get Jung Hyuk. A man like him almost extinct'.

To meet someone like Jung Hyuk is like a miracle. To be honest, I still feel like dreaming that I get to marry someone like an angel. Not only that he is kind-hearted, but he has the purest heart. He helps me, gives me shelter, pays for my studies, medical bills, marries me, volunteered to be the father to my child without asking anything in return. Letting go of someone like him will be the stupidest decision anyone can make.

'Seeing how Jung Hyuk loves him, that makes him rushing from Busan to catch the first flight when knowing he was sick, no one would have guessed that he isn't biologically his.'

Not all men can accept someone else's baby as his. What more to love them? Jae Wook is lucky because Jung Hyuk loves him wholeheartedly, like his own even before he was born. I can continue with my pregnancy and have my son because of Jung Hyuk oppa's support. I do not know what could have happened if he wasn't there. When I saw him at the emergency room that day, I knew, for instance, that he will never abandon us.

'I know love could not be forced but does he really does not stand a chance to be inside your heart? it is not easy to find a man who loves us with all his heart even when he knows that he did not get something in return.'

Sometimes I wish that I never get to know about his heart, so that will make me less cruel. I deserved to be criticised for not admitting that I love him even after knowing how he feels towards me. Do you know that I hate myself for that? I hate that I am that cruel and couldn't even say that I love him in return. I wish there is a reset button inside my heart where I can just press it and erase my past to start new with him. It would be a lie if I said that my heart never flatters at all. For nearly a year staying with him, there are many times my heart softens for him. I often blushed when he said I am pretty. Many times my heart beats abnormally when he does something romantic. Many times, I just love to see his handsome look and the list goes on. The problem is, I can't really confirm that I am falling in love with him or just a feeling of gratitude. Love. That four-letter word looks simple, but it is not as simple as it sounds. It takes a lot of courage and effort to say that words to someone without giving them false hope. That is why I do not want to utter that word simply without myself confident enough that I can do it.

'It is hard to force other people's feelings about us, but we can control and nurture our own feelings, aren't we?'

I know that whether to make things happened or not has to start with me. I am the one who can shape the future I want and with whom I want it to be. If I do not take the bold step to move forward, I will forever be stuck in the past. Whether I want it or not, like it or not, I have to make a decision for everybody's sake.