BROKEN PIECES.

CHAPTER 9 | What Is Love?.

We had sex again after I went to bath and he changed the sheets. We were alone in the house cause he told me he wanted is to have some privacy so he asked thando and Portia to go to town. It still hurt having sex the second time around but it wasn’t as hurting like the first time. I . Slowly getting used to it but my body needs rest. He made us food and left to do something after Portia and thando came back. I could see that they were doing to know what really happened.
I pretend to not notice them looking at me when I sit down. I wince a little and they burst out laughing. I hate them cause they are making me feel uncomfortable.
“ damn sis he tore that pussy apart cause you’re wincing when sitting down. ” thando laughs.
“ was it your first time? ” I nod.
“ yes it was. My girl here has joined the no virgin gang. So how was it? ”
“ Oh thando come one. I’m going to shower. ” Portia leaves us.
“ Yoh it hurt thando. Thato was rough. Is that how sex is? Always rough? ” she giggles
“ It’s not always like that. Did he at least make you come? ” oh my god
“ thando?.... ” she laughs. I blush.
“ I hope he didn’t force you to do it jabs. ”
“ he didn’t.  He asked and I said yes ”
“ maybe when you do it again it will be less painful ”
“ We did do it again and it still was. I don’t think I like sex ” she giggles
“ Look jabs you guys are still young and inexperienced and maybe thato isn’t also experienced like we think he is. As time goes on you’ll enjoy it ” I sigh.
“ Well it’s not like I have a choice thando… . ” I look at the bathroom to see if maybe Portia is listening on us but I don’t see her.
“ what do you mean you don’t have a choice jabu? ”
“ We live here rent free. He buys food, clothes and things we need thando. He has to be compensated somehow cause I don’t think he would do this for just anyone. I know he loves me but that doesn’t matter thando cause there’s nothing for free in this world and I am his payment. I have to sleep with him so we can live here until we find a job or a place of our own. What if I say no and he kicks us out? ”
“ you’re hurting
“ it hurts me to hear you feel like that. I don’t want you to sleep with thato just because we need a place to stay. I don’t want you to do that for me or for you. We can always come up with something jabs and I don’t think thato is the kind of guy who’ll do that.”
“ I know he’s not like that but we really don’t know him and what if this is too good to be true?. What is he gaining by helping us? ”
“ He loves you jabs that’s why he’s doing this ”
“ love thando? I don’t know what love is. No one has ever told me that they love me other than him. I don’t know what love is supposed to feel like. How do I know that it is love when in my 17 years of living no one has ever told me they love me. Hold me hug me?. I see what they said is love on the TV. I hear how they explain what it is but I still don’t know it. Is it even love that I feel for thato or is something else cause I don’t know. You grew up with your parents thando. They showed you what love is and they made you feel it everyday. You know it and put have experienced. Not me thando. He says he loves me but does he really or maybe he just feels sorry for me? ” she sniffs.
“ I love you jabs. You’re like a sister to me and it hurts to hear you say that. I know no one has ever told you they love you before thato did but jabs, thato loves you. I can see it. We both love you and we will show you what loving someone really means. I will tell you everyday that I love you until you believe it ” she pulls me to her and cries.
“ I’m sorry thando I didn’t mean to upset you ”
“ you didn’t.  I wish you didn’t live the life you are living right now. I wish we could find your family jabs and find out what really happened ” she says looking at me. In wipe her tears.
“ I wish I knew too where I come from. No one gets born alone in this world.”
“ We have to make you an account on all social media apps. If you look like someone surely there is someone who’s going to recognize you ”
“ it could be a start ” she smiles.
“ I think you should talk to thato and tell him how you feel about the whole sex thing ”
“ Yeah I will ” I lie to her. I won’t ne able to tell him while we don’t have a place of our own to stay. Thando didn’t have to leave the orphanage but she did because of me and for that the least I could do is to make sure we have a roof over our heads no matter what it costs me. I won’t let her to be homeless because of me.
The rest of the day goes by and it’s now midnight. Vusi came, showered ate and left. I noticed that he’s never really around the house. I don’t know if it’s because of us or he’s always been  like that. Portia doesn’t seem to mind so maybe he does this a lot. The door opens and they all walk in. Thato, vusi, that guy that drive us to the doctor’s and a whole lot of guys. Thando and I look at each other.
She moves and sits next me. Portia is lying on the floor with her knees up. The guys are carrying lots of alcohol and they put it on the coffee table. Thato comes and sits between thando and I.
“ hey baby I missed you ” he says reeking of alcohol. I sigh inside.
“ I missed you too. I’m going to get your plate ” he nods. I stand up and thando follows me.
“ I don’t like this jabs. ”
“ me too. It’s not our house so we don’t have a choice ”
“ Those guys are older than thato. They are more of vusi's age and I don’t like how they are looking at us. ”
“ They give me the creeps and thato has been drinking. He looks drunk ”
“ I’m not drunk my sunflower ” he says standing behind me and I can feel his hard dick poking my back.
I open the microwave and give him his food. He puts it on the table.
“ I was thinking about you since I left ” he smiles and I can see that look of lust in his eyes.
“ I’m going to be in thando's room. You’ll call me when everyone has left. ”
“ we are going to chill. They are not leaving ” I nod. It’s going to be a long night then.
“ I’m going to bed then ” I kiss his cheek and don’t wait for him to answer.
“ I’m going to bed too ” she goes to her room and I get in mine. I lock the door then wear my pyjamas and remove the pillows on the bed.
Someone tries to open the door then a knock cones in.
“ Baby let me in ” I walk to the door then open it. He closes it then locks it too. He pulls me to him and we kiss. He tries to take off my pyjamas but I stop him.
“ I’m still sore down there ”
“ I’ll bring some ice. They’ll make you feel better ”
“ no I. ….I…..I don’t want to have sex thato ” he looks at me.
“ you mean now or you mean you don’t want to have sex anymore with me? ”
“ I mean I don’t want to have sex now. We are still in school and I would like us to focus on our exams and not on sex. We can do that when we are done with exams ”
“ Oh.. Ok. Is it because I was a little rough on you cause I swear baby I didn’t do it intentionally ”
“ it’s not about that. Like I said let’s focus on these exams and when we’re are done we can have sex then ”
“ Ok I understand and you’re right. I hope you don’t feel like I pressured by our to do it ”
“ no you didn’t  I wanted to lose my virginity to you than to lose it by getting raped. ” he nods
“ ok baby. Sleep then I’ll make sure the guys don’t make too much noise ”
“ what are you doing with boys older than you? ”
“ They are my friends.” He says it like don’t ask me about them ever again.
“ ok ” he kisses my forehead then leaves. Why am I disappointed because that is exactly what I wanted?.
True to his word, we didn’t have sex with thato. He would come during the weekends and spends them with me but the touching and kissing hasn’t been happening a lot because he said when we do that he wants more and I don’t want more so it’s better if we keep the touching and kisses minimal.
We have one last exam to write then we are done with high school for ever. I am so excited and I can’t wait. The other kids at school are talking about the matric dance and I have no interest in that. Thando wants to go so bad that I gave her some money thato gave me that time to buy herself a dress and do her hair. She didn’t want to take it but I forced her too and she ended up taking it. She was so happy and I’m happy that she’s happy. I can’t wait to see what she buys.
The guys who took us to the doctor has been our ride to and from school. Thando is sitting on the front with him as always. She really likes him and I hope he likes her too. He drops us at school and thando stays behind to talk to him. Zuki sees me and walks to me I roll my eyes.
“ well, well, well. Look at you. You’re getting bigger huh?. Thato must be feeding you nice ” I raise my eyebrow at her. “ oh please. I know you live at his grandparents house. The dlamini's also know ” she grins
“ You told your sugar daddy? Why am I not surprised? ” thando says.
“ thando always to jabu's rescue. Will she always be there to rescue you or she will do the same thing I did to you? ” she laughs
“ I’m not like you bitch and I’m not nice like thando. I’ll rip off that weave on your head and moer you now! ”
“ oh whatever. I’ll see you at the farewell. I can’t wait to see what you will be wearing… or not ” she laughs with her friends and they leave.
“ Fuck that bitch jabs. Let’s go inside and murder bath at last biology paper ” I nod.  What happened to zuki? I can’t believe I once considered her a friend and a sister. Boy was I wrong.
After three hours we come out of the ball and I think I did pretty good on the paper. Thando screams when she gets out of the ball.
“ no more high school ” others join her and they scream too. I laugh watching her as she dances.
Thato comes to me and hives me a hot, I mean hot kiss that leaves me blushing. He laughs when he seems my face.
“ The only thing I will miss about this school is walking in and seeing your face. Other that nope. He throws his head back and I notice something on his neck. A hickey. My mood instantly changes.
“ Let’s guys. We have a party to go too ” they scream.
“ There’s a party? ”
“ Yeah the gents and I in our class organised the party and the shisanyama. We’re going there now. Thando come ”
He drapes his arms around thando and I and we walk out with some of out housemates following us singing. It is so fun. School was the only place where I felt like I fit and human. It was the only place where I felt free and not afraid or worried. I will miss high school.
We arrive at the shisanyama and there are so many cars. You could swear it’s the weekend but people from here are always drinking. It doesn’t matter what day it is. We sit with our class mates and baskets if alcohol and meat are out in front of us.
“ are you going to drink? ” thando asks me.
“ No. I’m under age thando and plus I don’t want to drink. I have never drank alcohol ”
“ Yeah it’s not a good idea to drink when we are far away from home ”
“ let’s ask for Coca-Cola ” thato comes back and sits with us with some other guys.
“ Aren’t you guys drinking? ” he has a 750 bottle of Heineken on his hand.
“ No. Can we have cans of Coca-Cola? ” I ask him.
“ you know you can drink baby. The owner doesn’t know you’re 17 and you sure don’t look 17.” What does that mean?
“ No thato that’s wrong. You shouldn’t have said that. ” thando says annoyed.
“ she knows what I mean thando. Butt out. ” I don’t like how he’s talking to her.
“ I think we are going to home ”
“ why? We are chilling baby. For once just relax and not be up tight ” he getting annoyed and he’s hurting my feelings.
“ Ok we’ll stay. Can you get us our drinks then. ” he nods.
“ I don’t like this side of thato. ”
“ I don’t like it too. We need to find a place of our own thando. ”
“ we must or we can go to my parents house and I can ask my uncle if we can stay in the back rooms ”
“ who does he live with there? ”
“ his wife and two kids. They are still young to use the back rooms unless he has tenants. ”
“ Do you think he will allow you to live there thando when he could have raised you and not sent you at the orphanage? ”
“ I don’t know jabs but we can try. ”
“ Ok. ”
“ We’ll go tomorrow ” I nod.
Thato comes back and they drink, get loud and dance. I do not want to be here at all but thando and I pretend that we are enjoying and having a good time.
“ Oh god you won’t believe who’s here ” I follow the direction of her eyes and they land on zuki with max and his cousin phumla. Their eyes are on us. God!. I look at the time and it’s 4:30 pm and we are still wearing school uniform.
Thato comes back, pulls me to him and kisses my face. Heineken smells bad.
“ I saw zuki and those rich kids. Why is he looking at you? ”
“ who? ” I look at him.
“ Max’s brother? ”
“ I don’t know thato. I’m sitting here aren’t I? ”
“ I don’t like how he’s looking at you ”
“ Thato I’m tired and I want to go home ”
“ yeah I think you should go before someone gets hurt ” my blood runs cold and the voice I am hearing doesn’t sound like his. He is scarring me. “ Yo Benjy take the girls home. I’ll see you later sweetness ” he kisses me then spanks my ass when I get up and leave. Somehow I feel humiliated.
I don’t know why I did that but my eyes look at the table zuki is sitting and she’s sucking faces with Max and phumla is looking at me. I look away then look at thato and he’s been watching me. God.
We get in the car and it takes us home. Benjy drops out in the gate and we walk in. We unlock the door and get in. We go straight to the living room and sit down.
“ I think I am scared of thato ”
“ I don’t like him anymore. I think we should leave this place jabs ”
“ you mean run away? ” she nods. “ thando he helped us when we needed help. I don’t think we should just leave like that. Let’s go to your uncles first, hear what he has to say then tell him we are moving out. ”
“ I don’t like how he talks to you ”
“ he was drunk thando and I’m not making excuses for him. ”
“ and you know they say that when a person is drunk they reveal their true colours. ” I nod.
We go to our bedrooms and change clothes then come back and sit on the couch. I hope thato doesn’t come back really drunk and late.
“ Did you see phumla looking at you? ”
“ and that I saw me looking at their table and he wasn’t happy ”
“ do you think he might…. You know hit you? ”
“ Thando please! I don’t know okay please don’t make me think of bad things about him. ”
“ you’re scared of him ”
“ I think he has a temper and that makes me feel scared of him ”
“ I hope we won’t regret asking him to help us.”
“ I hope so too. ”
We make something to eat, lock the door after then go to bed. I feel cold hands on my body and sloppy kisses. Thato is back.
“ You said we can have sex after the exams. The exams are now over baby ”
“ Thato you’re drunk. Please get some sleep ”
“ you don’t want to sleep with me? You want to fuck him don’t you? ”
“ what are you talking about? ”
“ I saw you looking at that fucker and he was looking at you too. Do you like him? I once asked touch if there’s something between you two and you said no. We’re you lying to me? ”
“ I didn’t lie and I don’t like him. Please get some sleep ”
“ I’ll kill you if you ever cheat on me ” he says then turns and sleeps in his side.
I freeze when I hear those words coming out of his mouth. Does he really mean it or he just said it cause he’s drunk?. Who is thato really because it feels like I don’t know him at all.