BROKEN PIECES.

CHAPTER 35 | LETTING GO.

#NotEdited

He takes my hand and leads me upstairs to his bedroom. My heart is beating fast cause I know what is going to happen and I am ready for it. I feel ready but also another part of me is nervous cause I don't know how I am going to react when I feel him inside of me. I close my eyes and make a prayer to God asking him to give me strength to be strong and not let what happened to come come between me and this man that I love.
The door closes behind me and I slowly breathe out. He kisses both my hands and that makes me feel less nervous. He pulls me to to his chest and we hug tight. His heart is beating rapidly and it shows that he's also nervous for what is about to happen. His hands sooth my back and I just love it. It makes my body relax.
" I know this is scary for you, its also scary for me too love. I want you to know that we will do whatever that feels comfortable with you. I will not push you or force you to do things you don't want to do. Promise you'll tell me once you feel uncomfortable "
" I will tell you "
" Can I take off your clothes? " I swallow hard then nod.
" Tell me "
" You can take off my clothes " He gives me a reassuring smile.
He kneels then takes off my Sandals. The way his fingers caress my skin makes my blood move in different directions. God!. Even when he's kneeled down he's still tall. His arms move up and grab the spaghetti straps of my dress. He pulls them down my arms and i help him by moving my arms out of it. His hands move to under my armpits and he pulls my tight dress down my body. I can feel him holding his breath as his eyes roam my body.
" I have been dying to see what is underneath this dress that drove me crazy the whole day." I step out of it and hide my breasts from him. He chuckles and throws the dress somewhere in the bedroom.
I close my eyes as I feel his eyes move from my feet, up my legs to my stomach. I think that's what they are.
"  Look at me love " I open my eyes and they lock with his. His face goes to my stomach and softly places a kiss. His hands move down and gently grab my ass. I hear him breathing out.
" Can I take this off too? "
"Yes " I say whispering.
His thumbs brush my my pubic bone on top of my underwear and a moan slips out of my mouth. he continues to place kisses around my stomach then my underwear moves from my hips and down to my legs. We both stand there not moving but then I feel his nose on my vagina and he takes a deep sniff and groans. My hands automatically goes to his head and I hold on to it.
" Beautiful Love. Just beautiful. Are you okay? " I quickly nod.
" I am ok "
" Come " He stands up, takes my hand and leads me to the bathroom. I thought we were going to bed.
He opens the faucet in the shower adjusting the water, gives me a shower cap then tells me to get inside. I do and watch him take his clothes off slowly. The steam is clouding the shower and it's making me hard to see him. I can wipe the window to look at him but I don't.
I stand there letting the water stream down my body then he steps in. I'm glad that the shower is big and not small cause I don't feel cornered.
" As much I love seeing your behind. Please turn around and look at me love " I slowly turn and my eyes see his chest first then move to his chest. God Kwame is a man and not a boy. His body is a work of art like he was sculpted. He takes shower sponge, squirts some gel then he washes my body. from my neck to my feet with him kneeling washing them. He washes every inch of my body and I don't freak out when his hands wash my ass and my vagina. he doesn't finger me or try to do anything like that.
I try to wash him too but he refuses and I watch him washing himself. It feels so sexy. The sexual tension in the shower is too much. It makes me feel like I'm going to suffocate. He pulls me to I'm and we both stand under the faucet as water streams down our bodies. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist and kisses me before I even think about many things.
His dick is wedged between us and it is hard and thick. God!. Our arms and lips are entwined together. His kisses are soft but yet hard. His fingers draw portraits on my back and his groans are making music to my ears. I get lost in his kisses and forget about everything. Its just me and him and out bodies.
I throw my head back as his mouth finds my neck then goes down and suckles on my nipples. My hips move on their own accord and he hisses. He walks us out of the bathroom and I try to pull away from his kisses but he holds my head to him. I hope we wont slip down on the floor and hurt ourselves but we don't.
The bed dips as he crawls with me in his arms. I don't want to let go and he doesn't want to let go. My back hits the bed gently then he lays on the side and not on top of me. I miss the feel of him on me. He turns me to face him then cubs my face.
" You truly are beautiful love " He says taking the shower cap off.
" You're handsome too " He grins.
" Get on top of me " what?
" I don't know what to do "
" I'll show you. Sit on me "
I get up, he holds my waist and sits me on his dick. I look at it and the head is shiny and pink. It's big, pointing up to my stomach with its thickness and those veins around it. God this thing is going to fit in me?
" Are you okay with this? " I nod. " Lean forward to me " My hands go to the side of his chest and my chest connects with his. That movement causes my clit to rub against his dick. We both moan.
His hand goes to my hair bringing my face down to him and I open my mouth and allow his tongue to connect with mine. The passionate kisses we share feel like I'm walking on water. I feel my hips moving agaisn't him, rubbing myself on him chasing that feeling that wants to come out and shake my whole body. My hands go to his face cub him. I pour my love for him and my trust to him with those kisses. I can't get enough. I want more.
" Kwame..." I sing his name
"  Patience angel "
" Oh....I can't...I want to...AAAHHHH "
" Not yet love " His hands go to hips and he helps me move my hips.
" Oh God yes! " I throw my head back and he takes control of my movement as he moves my hips up and down on him.
It feels so damn good I don't want to stop. I move my chest up and put my hands on his chest and continue to move my waist. Fuck I'm going to come. I try to not let it happen but its here. My body wants what it wants. I open my eyes, look at him and find his eyes on me with a smile on his face. His hand goes to my stomach then I feel his finger on my clit next to his dick. I moan loud then he rubs it again and I lose it. My whole body shakes. My screams fill the bedroom as my orgasm erupts me into pieces and leaves me shaking.
" Ride my face love "
" Ah...What? "
" Put your pussy on my face and ride it like you did just now " What? He wants my face in there? Right on his face? He wants my juices to coat his whole face and doesn't mind my pubic hair? Oh my God!
My shaky hands and body try to move up but I guess I'm being slow cause his hands go to my ass and he lifts me up to his face. I hold on to the headboard so I wont sit on him completely and coke him to death. His hands separate my vulva then I feel his tongue in there. He curses and I say yes cause his tongue is doing things to me.
His tongue licks my vulva, licks my clit then gets in my pussy. Oh that feels so fucken good. he eats me so good I feel like I'm I'm heaven. I feel like I'm laying in the clouds and playing with the angels.
" Ride me love " He asks me desperately and I do as he instructed before. I ride him like I did rubbing myself against his dick but now I'm riding his face. I put my hands on the pillow for balance then move my hips.
Even if I wanted to keep my mouth shut I wouldn't be able to cause this feels fucken good. It's going to be my obsession. I am always going to want to do this. His mouth covers my clit and I lose it. I find myself twerking on his face.
" Fuck yes! Twerk on this face. Sit on me love. Sit! " I sit on his face and love the feeling his beard makes between my thighs.
I move my hips up, down and sideways. I listen to my body and let it guide me. I feel myself letting go of everything that hurt me. The fear I had and I come calling Kwame's name with tears in my eyes. This orgasm seems to rock me to the core cause I break down and cry. I don't know what is happening to me because I can't stop crying.
Kwame pulls me down and holds me as I hysterically cry in his arms. He keeps apologizing over and over again. Asking me to forgive him  and he's never going to force me. I want to tell him it's not him. It's not what he's thinking but words don't come out. He apologizes until I stop crying and fall asleep.

KWAME.

What the fuck did I do. I knew she wasn't ready for that and I definitely knew this might happen but yet I let my stupid dick control me and I know I've hurt her. I took her to the last place I promised her she's ever be but I failed. How can I be so stupid and do this to her. I know better. I should have just put her to bed and let her sleep.
She's going to wake up now or tomorrow and tell me she wants nothing to do with me. God I'm going to lose her. I can't lose her. I love this woman and if she leaves me. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have never in my life felt for a woman like I did with her the first time I saw her even now. That is never going to change.
I will ask for forgiveness when she wakes up and hopefully she will forgive me. I will do anything for her to forgive me. I am so scared right now cause I don't know what to do. How could I ruin a beautiful night like this after the wonderful day we had. I slowly slip out of bed and cover her with a comforter. I kiss her forehead and feel a tear escaping my eye. I wish I can turn back time and undo what was done to her. I wish I can kill that monster that raped her.
I walk to the closet and open my safe. I haven't smoked this shit in months but right now I need one. I take my weed and close the safe. go to the bathroom and look for a lighter and find it. I walk of the bathroom and walk to the balcony doors and open them. I look at her and she's sleeping. I sit on the outdoor chairs and light my weed.
The smell fills my nostrils before I even take one long drag in my lungs and when I do. I hold it in for the longest then slowly release it. Her cries keep ringing in my ear and they won't stop. They will probably haunt me for the longest time if not forever. After I'm done smoking I walk back to the bedroom but I don't close the doors. I let the air come in. I thought I'll feel better after smoking but I don't.
I take my phone then walk out of the bedroom and go to my office. I light up my computer then call Msizi. He picks up after the first ring like he always does.
" What's wrong? " He
" How the search with her parents coming? "
" I think we need to go Secunda and meet this woman who's a caretaker at the orphanage. my contact said she might know something cause she has always been there since Jabu came."
" Ok. When do we live? "
" 8 am so we can be back "  I don't want to leave Jabu alone tomorrow but this is also important.
" I'll see you in five hours "
" Talk to me bro. What's wrong? "
" I hurt her and when she wakes up, she might not want anything to do with me."
" No man Jabu loves you. I saw how she looked at you. I'm sure you too can fix whatever that happened bro "
" I doubt it man. Not this."
" Is there anything I can do? Talk to her or what? "
" No man. I guess I'll know when she wakes up."
" Kwame I know you love that girl. You told me about her the first time you saw here. Hell you even dragged us to see her and now you want to tell me you'll let her go just like that? No man. Fix it cause I wont let you loose the woman you love even if it means I must lock you two in a room then that's what I'll do. Apologize do whatever you must for her to forgive you. I'll see in later " He hangs up and I sigh.
The only thing I can do now is to make sure I find her family then I can respect her wishes and leave her alone if that's what she wants. I say that to my head but my heart, body and soul say no. I wont let her go. I can't. I'll keep showing her everyday that I am sorry for what I did. Even if it means I'll have to give up one part of our relationship then I will. I wont touch her again until she tells me to or when she has gone through her intense therapy.
I send an email to a co-worker my brother used to work with and arrange an appointment for love. I got her contact from my brother. She needs this and I need this for her. I get online and research what I need to know being in a relationship with someone who has been raped. after three hours online I go back to the bedroom and get in bed with her. I pull her close and I'm glad when she clings to me tight and not push me back. I love her and I'll do anything for her. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her or not take any risks for her.
She deserves to be happy and have the world in her hands as a safe place that no one will harm or hurt her in any way. That world is with me and I will give it to her. She is mine and mine only.