BROKEN PIECES.

CHAPTER 28 | DESPERATE FOR LOVE.

He keeps knocking on my door begging me to open it but I don't. I hate being here. I don't want to be here anymore and I don't feel safe. This family obviously know something about my family. It's either they found them or they know something serious about them and now it scares me cause I had no idea they were tracking me and now they are hiding something from me.
I know if I call Kwame right now crying he might come and cause problems for me and I might put his life in danger and I don't want that. How do I trust people if they keep hiding things from me?. They have let me down and it's people I hold dear to my heart. What if I talk to Thando and tell her my fears and she decides to betray me or use them against me in future?.
What if Kwame too is not to be trusted? What if he also wants something from me and hurts me more than any of them but for what and what would he gain from hurting me?. What if he's the only one in my life who's really genuine and wants to help me without expecting anything in return?. What am I going to do?.
After locking myself in my room for hours. I got to the bathroom and take a long relaxing bath and think about what I am going to do now for me to better my life. I clean the bath, wear my track pants and sweater. I sit on the bed, take the phone Kwame bought me then walk back to the bathroom. I had saved only three numbers. Thando's, Inga's and Somebody's son. I'm not going to change that name. I'm going to leave it just like that. I tap on the name and call.
" Hello? "
" Hey Inga, its me Jabu. How are you? "
" Hey jabu I'm okay. Are these your other numbers? "
" Yeah they are. My other phone is broken."
" I'm sorry to hear that. What's up cause I'm bored out of my mind."
" I'm fine. I was wondering if you can help me with something "
" You want me to cover for you? "
" No Inga. I was wondering if they have any flats to rent in your complex. Where you live " Inga told me she lives in a student flat in Braamfontein.
" Oh my God really?"
" Yes Inga. I am moving out so I am looking for a place to rent but at an affordable price."
" Ok I will ask the building manager if they have a free flat to rent then I will call you in the morning. We could be neighbors or something and it's safe and the rent is affordable "
" How much is the rent? "
" I have someone I'm sharing the flat with so it's R2500, you can afford it girl "
" So if I want the whole flat to myself I could pay roughly R6000? " Damn!
" Yeah maybe or it could be less. it depends if you want it to have a kitchen, 2 bedrooms or one bedroom. You will decide."
" Ok. Please let me know tomorrow morning."
" I'm so excited. I wish I was your roommate " I chuckle.
" Maybe in the coming years or something "
" Ok future roomie. I will talk to them."
" Thanks Inga. I owe you one.....nope two"
" Yeah you do. Lets have lunch tomorrow "
" Yeah lets do it."
" I'll send you the location "
" I'll see you tomorrow then. Good night "
" Night Jabs " I hang up.
God I am hungry and I seriously don't want to leave this room but I can't hid myself in here like I did something wrong when I clearly didn't. I wear my morning shoes then walk out of my room. I can hear chatter and laughter in the house as I am walking in the hall.
" Hey " It's Thando and she's coming out of her room too.
" Hi. You're  not out tonight? "
" Nope. It's raining and I didn't feel like leaving you alone with these people "
" If we weren't fighting I would think that you actually care but you don't "
" I do care Jabs. You know that "
" Then why are you angry at me? "
" I'm not...It's just that. Look lets go out tomorrow to talk. Outside this house "
" You want to go out with me? You? "
" Yes me and I mean it."
" Ok. You'll join Inga and I."
" She's a cool girl. I like her." I nod.
We continue to walk and we pass the living room then lounge and we find everyone else excluding aunty Julia, May, Tom and Eric.  We walk in and they chatter and laughter stops.
" No need to stop on out account. We just came to eat so don't mind us." Thando says sitting down.
" Thando not now. Jabu please sit " Natasha says. We sit on the two empty chairs next to Natasha. Thato has his mixed girlfriend sitting next to him, then two other girls one is black and one is white. Two of his three male friends are white then Thato and his other friends are both black. I recognize them from his Instagram.
" So who's fucking who other than Thato and his girlfriend " Thando asks them but her eyes are on Thato.
" Thando not now please. Just behave." Natasha says.
" Have you introduced Jabu to them? " Jabu ignores Natasha.
" He told us about her. I am Janine Raph's girlfriend. This is Mary..." She points at the white girl then points at the black girl who's penny. The two white guys are David and Shaun then the black guy is Koffi.
" Nice to meet you all " I say.
" I'm sorry our first meeting wasn't good. I mean Raph was in the shower...."
" Uthuleleni Thato? ( why are you quiet?) " Thando asks him.
" Janine we talked about this. Thando I don't have to answer anything to you "
" You don't deserve uJabu wena. Uyiletha Kanjani lentombazane lana Thato uJabu akhona? ( How do you bring this girl here around Jabu) "
" Can you speak English so we can all understand " Janine says
" Say please "
" Please?! "she says.
" English is not my mother tongue. Thato why uyinja kanjena?! ( why are you such a dog?!)"
" Thando stay out of my business. What is happening is between me and Jabu and it doesn't involve you "
" Doesn't involve me? You cheated on my sister wena and then you come here with this fake ass bitch here for what Thato?. To flaunt your cheating relationship in front of her? "
" But..."
" Hey half brown, half white shut up cause I'm not talking to you!. You better shut that mouth before you get a hot klap on your face! "
" That's enough Thando!. I will not let you ruin dinner. We have guests here. Cant you just shut your mouth for tonight only and stay out of their business?."
" Or what? " Thando says challenging her.
" Thando It's not worth it. He cheated and he doesn't care. Whatever you are going to say is not going to change anything." They keep quiet
" Jabu..." Thato calls my  name.
" You told me you cheated on me with her. Why did you do it? " I ask him.
" Can we talk in private "
" Raph..."
" Janine please! " She looks at him shocked.
" We are not going to talk in private. You cheated on me. She said she is your girlfriend in front of us and you didn't correct her and you know what?. I don't care. You two can continue with your relationship cause I am done with you. I won't let you do this to me the second time. I wont! "
"It was a mistake "
" You told me it was love at first sight and now it's a mistake Raph?...." she is hurt.
" Did he tell you he loves you? "
" He told me everyday and even before he left to get you. He told me he loved me." I shake my head.
" Guys please leave us. I would like to talk to Jabu alone and explain somethings. Janine go to your room"
" Just so you know. I know he loves me and I am not going to let you break us apart. I don't know why you keep saying all those things when it's clear that he doesn't love you anymore. The love he had for you vanished. It's gone so accept it and move on cause I am not going to let my man go for some......"
" Some what? I dare you to say it and you'll see what will happen to you!" Thando says getting up and clapping her hands.
" I am not scared of you! " Janine says to Thando.
Natasha stands up and drags Janine away. The others follow her cause they are looking at Thando like she's crazy.
" Leave us alone Thando "
" Over my dead body. I am not going anywhere!."
" Tell Thando to leave! " He says looking at me
" Why? So you can threaten to kill me if I leave your lying cheating ass? "
" Jabu it was a mistake.." Natasha walks back in
" Mistake my foot!. After all the stupid promises you made me?. After you promised me that you will never hurt me again and made me promise you that I will wait for you but you couldn't do the same for me?. You ignored me. My calls, everything while you were busy spending time with her then you have the guts to tell me that it was a mistake? "
" I can't talk to you when you're this angry!. We will talk in the morning when you have calmed down and ready to hear what I have to say "
" Fuck whatever bullshit you want to say cause I am not going to listen to it. Keep your stupid lies and promises and go give them to your girlfriend and leave me the fuck alone. I am done with you!" I tell him.
" where will you go? "  He asks me like he's bored.
" You piece of shit! " Thando swears at him livid.
" Oh that's why you're doing all of this to me. The cheating and lies. Tracking my every move. Who I talk to and where I go?...."
" Jabu...."
" Kahle Natasha. You want to control my every move. You do things to hurt me cause you know I have no one in this world who'll fight for me right?...." I tear up " You're doing all of this because I don't a home?. My own family other than Thando?. You ask me where will I go when I leave this house? "
" Jabu this is your home baby...Thato No..."
" This is not my home. I am here because I had nowhere to go. Thando and I don't have a home but I'd rather we live on the streets than here with you! "
" Jabu no!. You're angry right now and you can't leave. Thato is leaving so they will be gone after two days. Please I don't want you to leave this house and get hurt out there! "
" We are no longer your concern and you will not force us to stay here. Jabu wants to leave. She is done with you! "
" Why didn't you tell me that you had a lead about my family?" I look at Natasha and she looks at Thato shocked.
" I told you it led us nowhere Jabu " Thato quickly says.
" Why did you hide it from me Natasha?"
" I'm Natasha now Jabu? "
" The moment you decided to lie to me about tracking my every move with your nephew here, when you hid the lead about my family. I have every right to know what you find out! Why are you hiding it from me?!"
" You're an ungrateful child Jabu. After everything we have done for you, you accuse us of hiding things from you?. We cloth you, feed you and we gave you a home and this is how you thank us?!" Natasha says. I look at her shocked cause the person who's talking is not the sweet woman I know.
" I knew it. I knew sooner or later this whole sweet fake persona you were showing Jabu wasn't going to last!" Thando says. What?
" So I must not question you when I see what is going on cause you will remind me of all the good things you did for me? "
" Many people will kill to be in your shoes right now. Have everything you have and be grateful. They won't ask questions but just accept it and keep their mouths shut!. Don't you think you should do the same?."
" I thought Thato's mother was a very cold and wicked and yes she is but at least she wasn't pretending. You are just like her. Cut from the same cloth..." She walks to me a slaps me hard on my face I see stars. I hold my cheek and it gets wet. Why do these things happen to me?. I am so shocked and heart broken. Never ever did I think she could do something like this.
" Aunty No! Why did you hit her?!"
" Get her in line Thato. I won't have her talking to me like that! "
" This family is fucken crazy!. You're all...."
" All I ever wanted was love. To be loved, protected and appreciated. I thought I found a mother in you but obviously I was wrong. The bond I thought we had and shared was all fake. I see that now. I was so stupid and desperate for love I couldn't see past that. I hope you never feel the pain I feel right now. Wena Thato. One day you'll get what is coming to you and you will regret it."
" Jabu...."
" Where's my laptop? "
" Jabu I wasn't kicking you out. You can still stay here but you have to know your place " Natasha says.
" I know my place. I've always known it but somehow I told myself that this is different, That we can all be a family but I was just a fool and fooled myself. Stupid hopes and dreams. Look at me now. Where's my laptop? "
" On my dressing table. It's fixed." Thando leaves I think to get it.
" Thank you for everything you have done for me. I will never forget it but this is where it ends. Thando and I are leaving. Stay away from us. Stay away from me Thato. I do not wish to ever see you again in my life. You left that toxic family and you now live with your father and sister. Stay there and forget about your maternal family cause they will ruin your life if you come  back here again. I don't even know why I care."
" Are you sure about what you're saying Jabu. It's a very cold, brutal and scary world out there. You will not survive. It will eat you. "
" I have been surviving since I was born and I will continue to do so. Stay away from us "
" Let them go Thato. They will come back crying and crawling begging to come live here "
" I'd rather be homeless than live with people like you. I don't trust you at all and I will one day find out what you're hiding from me."
" Jabu you can stay but Thando has to leave " Thato says.
" Wherever she goes, I go to and vise versa. We are done with you " I tell him.
" Be careful Jabu. You don't what could be waiting for you out there " She says drinking her wine. I can't believe I wanted to be like this woman. God I was so stupid.
" Are you threatening me? " why is my life so hard God!
" Silly girl. Why would I threaten you? " This is a woman who used to bomb cars for money. Why did I ever pretend that, that part of her life doesn't exist?.
" Stay away from us."
" Jabu I care about you and I don't want you to get hurt. I know I did you wrong but that doesn't mean I don't love you "
" I don't want your love Thato. It is manipulative and toxic amongst  many other things. It is one sided. It's all about you and what you want. I am done with you. Leave Thando and I alone."
'' Jabu don't leave. Please not like this. I won't forgive myself in anything happens to you " Thato pleads
" Nothing will happen to us unless you send people after us and I doubt you would do that cause I know things about this family and you don't want people to know. "
" You wouldn't dare! " Natasha says.
" I wouldn't but I will if anything happens to us." I know what I'm saying could backfire at any moment.
" I will kill you myself if you open that mouth of yours."
" She won't talk aunty. Don't worry sunshine. Once you get out of those gates. You are no longer my responsibility."
" Your whole family is dangerous Thato. If I were you. I would stay the hell away from every one of them. Including her."
" Get the hell out! " Natasha screams angrily.
I leave the kitchen and run to my bedroom. I take my suitcases and begin to pack all my clothes fast. I throw everything in there and hide somebody's son phone in my boots. that I wear. It's late and I have no idea where we are going to go. Thato walks in and closes the door.
" I can't let you leave. I won't let you leave." He says. He is so angry.
" Let me? Who the hell are you to tell me that? "
" You are safe here, not there"
" I am leaving and you won't stop me. You should be happy that you are free. You no longer have to deal with me. I am tired Thato. It's over. I need to stand on my own two feet cause at the end of the day. I have got myself and no one else. My happiness is mine and it will not be determined or dictated by you or anyone else. Goodbye." I zip my three suitcases that have all my clothes, my documents and books from school.
Thando walks in and gives me my laptop. I put it on my bag. I drag my suit case but he stops me. His nails dig deep in my skin and I wince. I pull my arm away and look at him.
" Never ever touch me!."
" I will always find you. Wherever you are." He promises me.
" I'll be waiting."
Thando and I drag our suitcases and we walk out. Natasha is sitting on the lounge drinking wine.
" I wonder where are going to get a place to stay this late " she says chuckling.
" I told you Natasha. I told you that one day Jabu is going to see right through you. That you can't pretend forever and I'm glad she did. You should have never lied about something she most craves. A mother who will love her unconditionally. Your day is coming and I can't wait to be on the front seat to watch and see. Lets go Jabs." She says
We drag our bags and walk out of the house. It's raining  hard and I am so scared. There was no way I was going to spend another night in that house. The gate opens and we see a car outside.
" Who is that Thando? "
" My boyfriend. Come "
" Where are we going? "
" To his house "
" Where? "
" Jabs it's raining come."
The guy steps out of the car and opens the boot. He takes Thando's bags and mine go in the back seat of his car. I get in the back seat with mine, take out my phone and send Inga a message. She tells me it's okay I can sleep at her flat cause the girl she lives with went home for the weekend.
I tell Thando and her man to drop me in her place and they do. They help me carry my bags inside her flat. She promises to call me when they arrive there and we hug tight then they leave. I get in the shower, change my clothes then get in Inga's bed and sleep. I tell her I was kicked out and she doesn't ask my question. I can see she feels sorry for me. I feel sorry for myself too. It seems as if I am always going to go through something before I finally get what I truly deserve. Life is hard man and mine is so much more harder. When will this pain and suffering stop cause I am tired.