A Touch of Courage (Troyler AU)

Chapter 32: Innocence Drowned

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

-Rumi

Troye's POV

It was probably only adrenaline and shock that kept him moving despite the pain. His hearing was muffled; even the roar of the crowd was lost to the ringing in his ears-as though he'd stepped too close to an explosion. In a way he had. He'd just destroyed everything he'd been building since he'd arrived here. Maybe he'd never see or hear properly again.

Yet once again, he tried to ignore the thought and just concentrated on getting back. Even so, he found it difficult to focus. He felt increasingly shaky and weak, his thoughts becoming scattered.

By the time he reached his destination and shut the door behind him, Troye distantly realized he was breathing heavily and his vision was strained and darkening. He slumped forward onto the bed, a helpless, pained groan escaped him despite himself and he felt overwhelmed for a moment.

He hurt so much, he just wanted it to stop...

He was just gathering the strength to drag himself up when the door was suddenly opened. He looked over slowly and had to grit his teeth when the movement caused his vision to spiral alarmingly. He couldn't see very well, but he thought he heard a voice calling his name. The world moved confusingly around him and he struggled to focus.

But then he blink the spots out of his eyes, enough to recognize who was speaking. At first, Troye tensed and planned to sit taller; to present a more acceptable front. But it was as if once his body recognized a familiar form, it allowed itself to acknowledge the full weight of pain, the weakness, and what had just happened. The adrenaline that had been thundering through him faded away and he shuddered along the length of his body, his hands shaking and unseeing eyes falling shut.

He heard Caspar saying something else. But he didn't answer and he didn't move.

-X-

Darkness flashed in and out of his sight. Light was there and gone. Pain reverberated through him and he didn't even know if he was whimpering or making sound.

There was a dull, overwhelming ringing in his ears that denied any voices, any sound.

Limbs that tried to twitch and yet were still. Eyes that struggled to open a slit then fell heavily shit, as if the weight of the world were pushing them down.

Thoughts that moved too slowly, too disconnectedly.

Memories appearing and disappearing in glimpses. Hitched, then even breathing, a distant feel.

The slow deadening of the ringing, replaced by silence, replaced by the muffled rise and fall of voices.

"Is this really necessary?"

The knowledge that something was wrong but not the capability of understanding or remembering what.

Time that alternately stretched and stilled.

"We're going to try something new."

Something pressed against his face, covering and burning his eyes and stinging his nose, while an arm like a vise wrapped around his arms and chest. Struggling for a few seconds before the bright pulse of his brain told him it wasn't going to let him struggle anymore. Darkness hit in a painfully unnatural sort of way.