You were alone, left out in the cold
Clinging to the ruin of your broken home
Too lost and hurting to carry your load
We all need someone to hold
You've been fighting the memory, all on your own
Nothing worsens, nothing grows
I know how it feels being by yourself in the rain
We all need someone to stay
Hear the fallen and lonely, cry out
Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope?
At the end of the day you were helpless
Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?
- Someone to Stay, Vancouver Sleep Clinic
Troye's POV
The next morning, Troye blinked his eyes open and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the familiar blanket of heaviness to settle on him like it had every morning for the past few...well...years. He'd gotten so used to it, so distracted by everything happening, that he'd almost stopped noticing how much the weight scratched at his skin and hung on his shoulders, curling in on himself.
But he waited and . . . there was none of that. Instead, there was this clarity that almost scared him. The soothing hush of the world waking up and the hazy autumn sunlight filtering in through the curtains trying to blur his thoughts, but they wouldn't dull.
The last few days and nights with Tyler had sharpened everything, set loose a tidal wave of relief inside him. Finally talking to someone. Finally knowing someone would listen and believe him.
Almost every evening, when the sun set into a cicada-filled night, he went up to Tyler's place to spend the dark hours tucked away beside the other boy, reading and talking, sharing air, space.
And almost every morning he woke up...here.
He couldn't believe he was here.
He couldn't believe that Tyler had let him be here.
He couldn't believe that Tyler was still here.
He had said at least a dozen things in the past seventy-two hours that he thought would kill him-that he would have rather died than try to put into words. Yet here he was. And there Tyler was.
They lay together in the same room, the weight of truth nestled in the space between them. They were slowly growing used to honesty in this house, accepting the million different ways it unzipped your skin and left you vulnerable. Troye was trying to be open to the terrifying possibility of being understood. And the opposite too. Opening himself to the terrifying possibility of not being understood at all.
The day marched forward. Class, assignments, the indistinguishable faces of his peers, the buzz of voices around him, and then...
Troye flopped onto the bed with a sigh. He stared blankly at the ceiling as he let the day sink into him. Felt the exhaustion deeply, like a weight. Felt the fullness of the meal, the contentment of the company. Felt the omnipresent apprehension like a leaky faucet in his head, the tap, tap, tapping of it.
"You okay?" Tyler asked, quiet like he very rarely got. Troye turned his head to see Tyler standing by the bed, a copy of Saga in his hands. Troye smiled and scooted over. Tyler settled on his front beside Troye, facing the pillows.
For the last few days, they had been reading the Saga series together, following the unlikely love story of two soldiers on opposite sides of an ongoing war, and the child they fought to protect at all costs. Despite the sprawling scope of the sci-fi adventure, Troye couldn't help but love it for its soft colours, beautiful illustrations, and its heart-breaking moments; its quest for family, for origin.
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A Touch of Courage (Troyler AU)
Fanfiction16 year old Troye Sivan couldn't protect his best friend, James, from what happened when they were younger. Losing the one thing that brought him any happiness, Troye escapes into his art, the only thing capable of breaking his endless cycle of apa...
