A Touch of Courage (Troyler AU)

Chapter 29: Smother

"If you don't receive love from the ones who are meant to love you, you will never stop looking for it." 

― Robert Goolrick, The End of the World as We Know It: Scenes from a Life

Troye's POV

Troye stared at his father and felt something he didn't want to examine too closely. It was incredibly disconcerting to see him here, so impossibly out of context.

Cutlery clinked around him, but Troye didn't look anywhere else. He stood, his back straight and face expressionless, although he felt a worm of doubt inside him at the ice cold stare his father leveled at him. It felt like his father could see through him, right down to the depths of his soul, and he didn't see anything worthwhile in the process.

"Sit down." Shaun's words were clipped.

Troye obeyed immediately. He walked further into the room and lowered into the chair across from his father, sitting with his back straight and his hands resting in his lap. Shaun's lips were thin and eyes narrowed. Shaun sat forward, his fingers interwoven and clenched as they rested on the table.

Shaun stared at him for a long moment; his gaze so intense Troye felt like it was burning through him.

The silence between them stretched until Troye thought that maybe Shaun was actually silently advising him to speak. Troye hesitated. But no...there was no way his father would want him to have the first word.

Almost as if he understood Troye's thoughts, Shaun narrowed his eyes.

"I had low expectations of you yet even I did not anticipate such a resounding failure."

There was the briefest lull that told Troye he was supposed to respond. He felt the doubt expand into uncertainty. Shaun's stare narrowed into a glare and Troye sat up carefully, maintaining steady eye contact.

"I don't believe I'm failing."

"You're beliefs are not relevant," Shaun said dismissively with a faint hint of disgust. "If you were not failing me and yourself, I would not be here."

Troye resisted the urge to flinch. He had forgotten the bloodless violence of these exchanges.

"Troye," Shaun said, and somehow despite the coolness of his tone, it almost seemed less remote than usual. "The purpose of learning your lessons thoroughly the first time is for everyone's well-being." Shaun stared at him hard. "Including your own, despite any ineptitude you may unnecessarily show."

"Father, I-" Troye started to say, hoping to appease Shaun quickly before he could add anything more to his overtaxed mind, before he could make it feel impossible for Troye to function at all. But Shaun raised one hand in warning and that was all it took for the words to die in his throat. Shaun gave him a scrutinizing look, as if deciding whether he needed to impress upon Troye with words that he was not interested in Troye's response or if he would stay quiet. When Troye said nothing, Shaun nodded once.

"You're unrivaled ability to make mistakes seemingly does not come paired with an ability to learn from them." Shaun studied him for a moment, almost as if he were a bug beneath a microscope, before he raised his eyebrows coolly.

"You should understand fully by now that recklessness results in consequences, that you do not have the luxury to squander every opportunity I give you. Do you find it enjoyable to do so or are you simply that incapable of learning?"