Stone's Diary: Kairo

Chapter 12.) Stage 1: Recognizing It

I tried being good
But it never works
But if I follow the rules
There was no way I'd get hurt
But every time I let my guard down
I just let my heart down,
ooh I could give until you're back down
Run me dry until I tap out, ooh oh

I Tried by Melanie Fiona played through Renae's speakers as she danced around in the studio. Hugging herself, Renae closed her eyes and swayed her head from side to side as she moved her body to the heartfelt lyrics.

I could really use some sleep
But you still won't let me rest

Thinking of the first time Trent had ever raised his voice at her, her eyes misted as a flashback of him flipping his table and throwing his picture against the wall caused her to absentmindedly flinch. She still wasn't sure what kind of situation she was involved in but she did know that it scared her. She was just so stuck on wanting to move on, she couldn't recognize danger when it was plastered right in her face.

Must've fallen way too deep
Now I'm drowning it's so hopeless

Curling into a fetal position on the floor, Renae hugged her knees and reached out to thin air before rolling onto her back and gripped her hair. Lowering her hands to her heart, she looked to her left and reached out then pulled her hands back into her as the next verse made her think of King.

No one said it would be easy
Love isn't for the weak
But even in my strongest
You're the one I can't defeat, ooh oh

On her knees in prayer position, Renae lifted her hands in surrender then shielded her face as if she were waiting for blows to come. Her heart was heavy and her thoughts were loud as they screamed at her to walk away before it was too late but a part of her just wouldn't allow it.

I tried being good
But it never worked
See, I was playing with fire
When I should just let it burn
What's the use of being good?

Standing slowly with her head bowed and her shoulders slumped, a lone tear rolled down her face as she took slow strides, walking in a circle before looking toward the ceiling.

In love when there's no peace
Hey, heyy
Might as well be the bad girl
Maybe then I'd find relief—

Taking a deep breath as the song faded and switched to Melanie Fiona, 6 am ft. T-Pain, Renae stood in front of the mirror and counted in her head. As the intro began, Renae did slow claps as she walked around just as T-Pain's verse started.

Girl why you mad? (why you mad?)
I know (know) exactly what time it is
You ain't gotta tell me (you ain't gotta tell me)
So what's up with the yelling?
(what's up with the yelling?)
Shorty I was up in the club (club)

Grabbing the center of her loose-fitting sweats, Renae did a slight dip, craned her right arm back, and flipped back.

really turnt up (up)
Chillin just minding my biz
I wasn't doing nothing wrong
(wasn't doing nothing wrong)
Girl, you know that I was coming home

I'm just saying
It feels like forever you been gone
Where did you go? (where did you go?)
And how do I know (I know)
It ain't a lie (ain't a lie)