Stone's Diary: Kairo

Chapter 31.) What Makes You Feel?

Trust issues, we all have them right? If it's that significant of a deal when dealing with any sort of relationship why do we still get into them or accumulate them yet still complain? Work on it is what we should've done instead of commanding that they, them, he, she, or you were the cause of it. A subconscious issue is what it is. Ideally, we feel anyone we connect with, is always out to damage us but why?

That's the way we set our minds up to imagine. How do you plan to build or be happy with a person if whenever someone wants to get serious the infamous "I have trust issues" excuse comes into play? It's you, us, being stupid, misunderstood, lost, vulnerable, half-assin' the situations to feel like we aren't doing any wrong, but it's them who did it who can't be trusted. But that's wrong, you have issues within yourself that you can't trust but that special person or people who came into your life to show you and give you something different you feel they're just tryna play you.

Neglecting love. Shutting out those who only want to love and love on you. Scaring away anybody that gives you a gleam of hope that happiness is what you're worthy of. Stop it, calm down, breathe, rethink, maybe you're running away because you're constantly dealing with the same damaged person just in different body, cliché much? Maybe you're drawn to those types for the thrill until shit actually gets real. It's like a meal, you're used to the same stuff until you get tired and strive for something unique! Something different.

How we crave new things should be how we should crave new people, not in the same shit different day form but maybe in an "Oh, shit I just bought a Range, now I can get rid of my rusted moped," form. Not that you shouldn't be grateful because that rusted moped was the reason you were able to save and purchase that Rang Rover. Always be humble and always remember that we all have our bad days. I know I've been having quite a few in your absence. But until then, for the time being, I'll rest in the decorum of your world, where I know I can feel free.

Those were the winsome words Kelly spoke to Kairo for 8 days straight while he laid in the ICU fighting for his life until the once beeping machine, played a tune that the family dreaded.

Flatline. . .

The roaring of the thunder and pattering of the rain against the windows, filled the emptiness in Renae's mind as she laid in bed staring at the ceiling reminding herself that she needed to breathe. There was no pain worse than losing a child and to know that the outcome turned out to be what nobody wanted, her heart was shattered. She wasn't even sure if she still had it anymore. Yeah, she was alive but inside, she was dead. Numb. Empty. Everyone anticipated the day to be dark and gloomy, that was expected for any rainy day but it seemed as if the sun had no intentions of rising for this unfortunate day; a funeral.

There was no need for Renae to be on her phone but she knew the constant vibrating was just a result of the family checking on her but what was the reason? What did they expect her to say when today was the day that she was supposed to bury her son? The night she received the call from the hospital to tell her that her one and only son took his last breath without her presence was the day a part of her died.

Her body stiffened. Became lifeless as she replayed those words as the tears struggled with themselves, unsure if they were supposed to fall or linger alongside her lids.

Renae fell ill.

Her heart no longer beat the same. Her eyes no longer held light. No longer held hope. Joy. Happiness. Darkness found its way inside and remained there as she spent those treacherous two days staring at the wall. The news didn't register in her mind until King walked in the room looking as equally devastated as her. It was then when she could no longer hold herself up or keep her agonizing cry under control.