Not the same - enemies to lovers

part 19- lies, lies and more lies

I wasn't sure how long i'd sat crying into my knees but the combustion outside the door brought me back to reality, when I looked up I saw wanda, pietro, Steve, nat and loki all standing there with sad eyes. I raised thorns at the door quickly making them grow just above all there waists so they couldn't get in, I saw there eyes wonder around the unrecognisable room. Although there was only five of them stood there I sensed another, bucky, I could feel his presence linger out of view. He's got nerve coming down here being the only one who knows why I'm angry.

nat-"y/n honey what's wrong talk to us" my eyes snapped to nat teary ones. I shook my head and a sinister smirk grew on my face.

y/n-"how about I show you instead" my eyes glowed green as I shared my memories with them all. All six of them.

moments flashed through there minds of me and bucky, they felt what I felt, saw what I saw, heard the inner thoughts I had in the moments.

They saw the argument we had on the mission:

B- I hate you!

Y/N- I know

B- Say it back!

Y/N- I hate me too!

They saw the moment I realised Bucky really did hate me and they saw how I felt, what I thought:

bucky-"hey I thought we were good, I mean u gave me a never ending plum tree." he smiled attempting to make me laugh

y/n-"it's harder trying to be friend with you and I don't know why, since having my memories back its-" I wanted to say it's made me want to run into your arms and never let go, its made me want to be the girl I was, that you, Bucky Barnes make me want to be better. and that is why I can't stand being near you. but all that came out was "-it's made me realise how annoying you are." and with that I internally cursed myself and walked away, his fell into a frown, I feel so bad. no, no I don't feel bad, heart, I swear to god stop making me feel that!bucky-"god. I hate you so much." I internally kicked myself for not saying it back again. I'd never told him I hated him and meant it, but right now, right in this moment, I believe he truly does hate me.

Then they saw the sunflower field on the way to our mission, they saw the memory of when me and bucky were children, they felt the significance of the flower in my mind. A tear fell down my face as I showed them one last memory, of me sitting on the balcony seeing bucky in his room after our argument, how I killed the sunflower and plum tree.

Showing the memories to them parts of my passed surfaced and flashed through before I had chance to pull myself from there minds, they saw my torcher in hydra, felt my pain. then they saw my nightmare.

They heard what nat whispered in my ear, they knew what it meant now, they understood my pain and heartbreak.

I pulled from there minds gasping for air as blood fell from my nose.

~buckys pov~

I hovered by the wall looking at the others plead her to let them in, and then green took over my vision.

I wanted to say it's made me want to run into your arms and never let go, its made me want to be the girl I was, that you, Bucky Barnes make me want to be better. and that is why I can't stand being near you.

what the-

B- I hate you!

I felt her pain at the sound of those words sliding off my tongue.

I felt how broken she truly is. Then her nightmare seeped through, I felt her try and pull out of my mind but the nightmare played out, this must be the one from the mission. Does she love me? How could she love me with all this pain?