Not the same - enemies to lovers

Part 34- I'm sorry it has to be like this.

It had been hours since the delightful visit from ultron and no one had come to check on me- let me rephrase that- everyone had come to check on me apart from bucky.

we were good weren't we? I mean I guess I haven't been back that long, well I've been back for a few months now but I was gone for 2 years so we havnt made up for lost time, not yet at least. God, all I've wanted was for him to check up on me and now he's the last person I want to see, I'm overthinking, right?

nock nock

please don't be bucky, please don't be bucky?

y/n-"hey bucky" I didn't have time to invite him in, he just barged the door open storming past me.

yeah now I'm shitting it.

bucky-"we need to talk" fuck. that basically translates to it's not you it's me.

I felt my breathing instantly quicken, sweat began to form in my palms, was I... insecure? 

yes. God yes, that's it.

I've lived more or less my whole life without having his love and now I'm insecure about if he'll keep loving me, I'd never thought about it before but he could fall out of love at any moment, he could-

bucky-"y/n? I asked if you could sit down" I scrambled to  the chair opposite his in my room. taking a deep breath staring into my eyes he continued " I-i... this, us, it's a lot- I-i feel like we've rushed things a little bit, thinking you were going to die and all did that to us but now your-now your not going to die I think we should- I think I need to take a step back..."

I couldn't breath. I'd forgotten how to breathe, or talk, or move. all my natural instincts had been thrown away, all I saw was him, his face, his eyes- I love him so much.

y/n-"wha-what d-do you me-mean" I breathed out.

I saw the pain in his eyes but this couldn't possibly be hurting him more than it's hurting me right now.

bucky-"I dont know what to think or feel, all I know is I want to be with you, I want to treasure every second, I want to love you, god I want to show you how much I love you. but this, this right now is not how I want to do it, I want to start over-" Anger clouded my mind.

y/n-"well we cant, we cant start over! I've somehow managed to know you my whole life, whilst living a completely different one, s-so I thin your right, we need to step back, I dont know you- are you the man I loved in the forties, the one I hated when I came to the compound, the one I fell in love with over time, or the one who stands infront of me now pushing me away" tears slipped down my face "I dont even know who I am, what's my purpose? what's the point?"

we both sat in silence staring at each other, he was in shock like me but my sadness showed itself through tears, his showed through his eyes- they weren't as bright.

what was the point of anything, of living, if I could do anything I please with my powers- the power I hold shouldn't exist, I shouldn't exist.

bucky-"y/n" his breathless plea went un answered.

he walked to my door as I sat inside my own mind motionless.

Bucky-"I'm sorry it had to end like this." I heard in his voice that he was crying. And with that my bedroom door shut.

y/n-"end?" I half cried out in anger.

He heard me, I knew he heard me, yet he didn't rush into the room to correct me, to silence my anxieties, he meant what he said.

I lay on my bed, crying harder than I've ever cried, the ground around the compound shook with each cry of pain, I used magic to seal the door shut, poisoned plants and flowers grew around the room from where I lay slowly and surly coving all the windows, leaving me in complete darkness.

~buckys pov~

Hearing her pain echo the corridors of the compound killed me, I did that, I put her in this pain. it's for the best though, the only reason we began a relationship so soon is because I thought she was going to die. it wasn't right, I wish-i wish we could go back to the day she moved in. son could change how I acted, become friends sooner, fall in love sooner- maybe if I did that all the bad things that followed her, followed me. Maybe we could have escaped them together.

~y/ns pov~

I wish we could go back to the day she moved in. His thought cut through my crys, my eyes puffy and red, maybe I should do one last thing for him-for us. His wish is my command. 

I slowly stood from my bed, knees shaking and threatening to buckle beneath me, I steadied myself in the centre of the room. My sudden silence must have worried the team as I heard there yells and bangs on my door, it was like I wasn't me anymore, I watched In slow-motion as the door broke down and the team ran through, I watched as my power surged from my body engulfing them all up- coving the entire compound.

ultron-"everything goes according to plan" 

he watched the madness unfold, the madness he's caused. oh how beautiful it all looked to him.

--------------------------------

aghhh

hope you liked this chapter

wandavision vibes anyone?