Not the same - enemies to lovers

Part 40- stranger danger

bucky-"y/n, wait!"

UGH as if my night couldn't get worse now I have some crazy guy following me, maybe he drugged me and that's why I think I saw his memory, or my memory. God this is so fucking annoying! Just when I thought my life was going back to normal after the car accident, forgetting my life, thank the lord I had Dylan to help me through it all who knows where I'd be without him. he re-taught me my old life, introduced me to friends I'd know before and helped me re build relationships with them, I have to say it's been.... unusual. even now I wonder if I really knew any of them before, I know it sounds crazy and ungrateful but I dont get that 'friends for life' feeling with any of them.... does that make sense? I sound crazy.

y/n-"hey following a girl out a bar is a bad idea mate, piss off." he stumbled back a little as we made eye contact. it felt like my heart exploded. yep I've been drugged. his eyes roamed my outfit. "my eyes are up here buc-" his eyes snapped to mine almost in fear or relief? And just like that he turned and disappeared into the dark.

~on the phone~

"hey y/n you okay it's late."

''Yeah Dylan I'm fine, I do need a lift though I'm on-''

"I'm here."

"wh-"

I watched as he pulled up in his car next to me, he always does this, he's like a psychic or something I swear.

y/n-"it's creepy when you do this you know" we laughed as I got into the car.

Dylan-"you love it really"

we held eye contact for way too long before he drove off.

~buckys pov~

"guys. Guys!" I ran into the common area to find everyone startled by my commotion.

pietro-"what is it? me and Clint are in the middle of our video game."

bucky-"she new me- well she almost did. she nearly called me bucky!" I watched as there eyes saddened, Tony looked disappointed along with Steve, he just shook his head and looked down to the floor. I felt sam death staring me from across the room.

Tony-"one rule. ONE. what the hell did we talk about barnes! we all made a promise." his anger almost scared me. almost. 

Loki-"hey! she saved my life-"

thor-"she killed you first!"

loki-"if she's remembering just by seeing him think of what might happen if we all see her, speak to her" they quarrelled like the rest of us, it seemed it was me and loki against them all.

Steve-"we have no clue what the consequences could be-"

nat-"lets find out then" I guess its me, loki, sam and nat.... then wanda agreed causing pietro and Clint to nod along with her. Bruce, stark and Steve were the only ones not budging. why? this isn't like Steve. He loved her so much, I know he'd do anything to get her back.

Bucky-"okay. I'm done with the secretive shit, tell me up straight why the hell you dont want her to remember, because I'm not buying your bullshit Stark." the anger in my voice sparked something in the others, the tension, the un answered questions, Starks punchable face. it's all so much.

my theory was correct when I saw Steve and bruce side eyeing each other.

Tony-"Ultron wanted her for her powers, she could destroy the world of she wanted to, her grief will kill her if she remembers. And who's to say if she remembers loki won't die- "

Loki-"-like you give a shit about me-"

Tony-"she said there needed to be balance!"

I hated him. At least I want to. I hate that he's right, it would be selfish of us to force her memories back when she made the decision to get rid of them, yes the circumstances had a massive part to play in her decision but-

what about me? I cant handle this guilt anymore, I need her to tell me she loves me, and I need her to hold me, to kiss me. I need her to survive my own mind.

I pulled out my phone and stared at the screen, one click and I could be one step closer to getting her back.

one click.

~y/n's pov~

I was In my room at me and Dylans shared apartment, I cant stop thinking about how he looked at me in the car, it was like he loved me- or really hated me -theres a fine line I guess. he's never acted this way before, I've never noticed it before. do I love him? yes. well that's what all the others tell me, they constantly tell me I love him and I like them and were all happy...

I'm so not happy.

I feel empty, Broken, like I'm riddled with grief for no reason. 

Maybe they're hiding parts of my life from me, the parts that hurt me, they've never mentioned my parents maybe that's it. It has to be.

My phone lit up the dark room as it vibrated on my nightstand.

??- There lying to you, I know you'll remember, but you gotta do It on your own doll. B

what the hell.

Doll looked familiar, and signing it off B, this person has got the wrong number and is defiantly like 100 years old. who types like that these days.

I blocked the number and turned towards my bedroom door to get a drink only to see Dylan standing there, I screamed, stumbling backwards, gripping my chest as though my heart had punctured through it. we both burst out laughing, him more than me, I cant lie and say I wasn't creeped out a little bit, to him I'm his long time best friend but to me he's a new person, someone I don't know. 

y/n-"what do you want" I laughed out.

Dylan-"you."

before I had time to blink his lips were on mine, his hand slowly moving up my inner thigh, this felt so wrong, like I was cheating on- ugh somethings on the tip of my tongue I just know it! my thoughts couldn't go much further as he pulled my top off and shorts down, teasing me. he pushed me back onto my bed, placing himself between my legs. why was I letting him so this? Despite questioning it, I didnt stop him, I didnt stop myself. Before I knew it we were intertwined within the sheets.

I'm sorry, I thought. Am I really sorry though? Maybe Dylan and I are meant for each other.

~buckys pov~

she blocked me.

she actually blocked me.

sam-"dude this is weird and might I add an invasion of her privacy"

we both stood staring into her bedroom window from the roof of a near by building.

bucky-"oh please, we are keeping her safe. just. like. Stark. Wants."

He went to reply with some snarky remark but couldn't when we were both left speechless, he was kissing her and she- she was letting him. my heart broke. my anger flared. I watched as he touched her, undressed her, fucked her.

I'm going to kill him.

sam-"so...the actors stark hired are method." not the time.

bucky-"I'm going to kill you then him." my eyes didn't leave her now sleeping figure, his arm pulling her close, it hurts so much.

~flash back~

"y/n? I asked if you could sit down, I-i... this, us, it's a lot- I-i feel like we've rushed things a little bit, thinking you were going to die and all did that to us but now your-now your not going to die I think we should- I think I need to take a step back..."

~end of flash back~

I wish I could go back, magic myself a false world with her, I guess I finally understand why she did it. she just loved me.

she's being punished for loving me.

and I'm being punished for loving her.