Blanchett

~5. Dinner night~

[edited July 12, 2024]

Candle light illuminating the table between, soft tunes humming in the background. The living room was filled with a warmth radiating not single handedly from the heavenly smelling dish, but also by our proximity. I was unbelievably hot, nervous in her presence. Luckily the large window beside me offered a sense of coldness, when my elbow brushes against it occasionally. Glimpsing past the glass one would be able to talk in the backyard stretching into a beautiful flower bed, if it were not for grey curtains, halfway covering the vulnerability of me. A window to comfort and discomfort at once. Because how would I know what lurked behind in the darkness?

Breaking the ice with cringy smalltalk was everything but desirable, yet what else could I do? I was an emotional mess at the moment. Her son Dashiell came up at one point. A safe thing to talk about. He had been just over a year old when we filmed Carol. Totally adorable, with his squishy cheeks as he toothily simpered and blubbered first attempts of words.

"He was smiling a lot, when I met him." A grin tugged at my lips and I was fast to continue eating my pasta. Pasta.

Mom's pasta was a dream. Mine? Not so much in comparison, at least. I guess, I would have been starved to death, if she hadn't introduced me to the kitchen and cooking. I was no chef, by all means. Basic skills may be in my reservoir, though.

"Yes, he was lovely and so joyful..." A sigh coming from the bottom of her heart flew from her lips, the mood vanishing at once.

Great. Truly. How did I manage to choose a topic from smalltalk to get a beaten down Cate to sit at the table with me?

"Was..?" I fought a few moments with myself, if I even had the right to ask. Because he was a sensitive topic. With me I learned that such are not to be approached—or with caution to say the least.

I cared about her son. It was not like he was just there, but I really enjoyed his presence too. Had enjoyed it. The little moments on set and occasionally off set.

"He knows that his dad and I are fighting a lot. I mean he grew up with us being at each other's throats. Dash needs a stable home and what if I can't give that to him? Herold has a new girlfriend and she is way younger than me." Cate stuffed more pasta into her mouth and avoided my gaze.

This was a bad dream, no? Did Cate think she was not good enough for her son? Her son? Everything she's ever done was meant to protect Dash. To give him what he needed and be the mother everyone would be wanting to have. She was juggling private life and work so very well back then, always ensuring he was a part of her day. For fucks sake she took days off if he was a little too clingy one morning, not being soothed by his father.

"Cate," I cleared my voice, reaching for her hand. Squeezing once. "You are the most precious mother one could ask for. It's Herold's business he decided to get a younger girl. Not yours. Because you are incredible in every sense and beautiful in every possible way." As I spoke and assured her, squeezing twice and tighter.

"I don't know what I would do without you, my darling." A smile curved on her lips and she was the one giving my hand a squeeze now.

Our plates were empty after some time. Next I lifted mine up and was about to do it to hers too; she insisted, "I can do that very good myself." but I quickly took the plate anyway and ran into the kitchen, throwing the dishes into the dishwasher. Heart beating out of my chest, as if she were the sibling I never had racing me to the kitchen.

When I turned, the blonde leaned against the counter with crossed arms. My eyes immediately fell down to her cleavage. I had no shame, had I? Maybe.