Blanchett

~31. New doesn't mean new.~

Tw: trauma; talk of SA

The smell of cardboard boxes filled our apartment, still, or perhaps that's what my mind is trying to tell me.

Twenty minutes ago, I unpacked the last of our moving boxes. Everything went so quickly the day after the Emmy's. I'm still surprised that I actually saw Meryl Streep and that she was even seated next to me, made me internally go crazy. Though it was all in all a nice event and when I mentioned Cate in my speech, while holding the Emmy, she cried at my words, which was so adorable. Backstage she hugged me so tightly and it was my turn to cry then.

Only a week afterwards, we had to lay Herold to rest. It wasn't even a discussion about where he would be finding his peace, when even Dash asked if his dad could be buried somewhere near, so we all could visit him some times. It was so sweet and heartbreaking at once.

Then the funeral was hell.
Cate was sobbing and Dash too, which made it so hard to try and stay strong for both at the same. I managed to only ever let a couple of tears slip down my cheeks, while holding Cate in a comforting embrace, same as Dash.
It really wasn't too pleasant.

I'm seated on the carpet in our living room, while folding the laundry. Cate was out groceries shopping with Dash. She does this a lot, since we moved into this apartment. Once I asked her about it and she told me it was helping her to know I'm save at home and when Dashiel accompanies her, she can't think too much, cause he is always able to make her think about something else. I'm not sure if that's a solution forever, though I can live with it and as long as it makes Cate happy, I'm happy too.

My head was switching between the tv, where I watched Modern Family and the pieces of clothing in my hands.
Regardless, I managed to finish folding the laundry and it's now time to put them away.

So, that's what I did. I limped really slowly through the hallway and turned into Dashiel's new room at first. The furniture of his old room was flown in and arrived just a week ago, it is still strange to look at his bed or carpet, since his room was the only one to stay clean. Tomas did never do any harm to the boy, which I am more than glad for.

Apart from the room, I stepped out of this moment, does nothing looks like the house we once lived in. We even have a dark wooden floor now everywhere, on my wish.

I haven't told Cate why I wanted the dark floor, but I didn't think it would be necessary, since she agreed anyway. If you'd see the floor, you'd definitely know why, cause it looks amazing.

Next, I opened the door to our new bedroom and released a deep breath the moment I stepped into it. We bought a new bed and just everything actually.
Quickly, I put our clothes into the wardrobe and left off into the kitchen to make some tea.

While the water boils, I prepared the cup and opened my phone, revealing new messages. 

My mom asked how I was doing. Sarah texted me like ten times, well I'm gonna check that in a few. There are plenty of notifications from Instagram etcetera. David's message popped up as well... but I did a great job ignoring it the past weeks.

Things like that happen, when I'm just ignoring my phone for a while.

I replied to my mom and called Sarah, whilst my body sunk into the couch.

"C'mon just answer.." I mumbled.

"Girl, why didn't you answer my texts? I thought you had a new therapy session or something." Sarah spoke sorta outraged.

"Well no. I'm just trying to enjoy the rest of my evening in peace." I answered with a chuckle.

"Without Cate?!" Gosh, how I could practically see her wiggling with her brows.