Awakened thoughts and desire (BxB)

chapter 13. I will always be here.

Killian.

"You don't want to kiss me"

I asked looking at Corey with teary eyes. I don't even know why I'm getting emotional over this but to hell I am, I feel a pang in my chest and it hurts. I don't get it all. We have done things, things I have never done before but he doesn't attempt to kiss me at all. I thought the day he gave me a blow job he will kiss me but he didn't. I didn't drool over it because I thought he will kiss me later or something but now it's getting too much, I can't control my feelings. I long for his mouth on mine, I want him to kiss me like no one had ever kissed me.

I have realized it and I have been thinking about it for a while now. I really don't get it at all. I just wanted to see what will happen when I kiss him and I think I got my answer. Now I know Corey doesn't want his mouth on mine but why.  I crave his mouth on mine. I just want to know how it would feel like when he kisses me. I just want to feel his lips on mine is that too much to ask.

He sighed sitting up as he looked at me while he bites his lips shaking his head slowly " babe it's not that I don't want to kiss you" he said lowly with a heavy gulp " I really want to so bad and it takes all the will power in me to not to" he muttered

"Why don't you do it then" I asked Shivering sightly, I was actually scared, what if I don't like the answer. What if my mouth smells bad and I don't know about it. Or my teeth, or.....I really don't know. I can't figure it out.

"I can't" he replied looking down as if he was nervous or something. Corey is a lot of things but never nervous, what is he scared of.

I faced him looking at him putting my hands in his. I need to know and I was getting that answer now"tell me Corey why?, Is it me. Does my mouth have something you don't like, is my breath bad or m-my mouth....Tell me please I need to know" I stuttered I didn't know what to say really.

"Your mouth is perfect killian, everything about you is perfect" he sighed kissing my cheek"your mouth is divine, it smells so good, don't even doubt that baby" he whispered kissing the corner of my mouth softly.

"Then why!"

"Don't take this the wrong way and I don't want to pressure you in to doing anything that you're not ready to do" I nodded slowly gulping looking at him keenly"killian your taken, your still have a girlfriend" It took me some minutes to understand what he was saying as a frown appeared on my face looking at him with raised brows.

"Then it's ok to do what we do when you know I still have a girlfriend" I asked not getting him. He gave me a blow job and we have just dry humped eachother just minutes ago, he knows I had a girlfriend. Now the kiss is too much for him.

"It's not ok sugar pie" he sighed "hell I feel bad for Aria but I can't control myself when your here with me looking at me like that"he breathed in deeply."the reason why I don't kiss you is-" Corey looked at me scanning my face with soft eyes "I don't want to kiss you then the next minute I see you kiss her. I want your lips to have my taste only but it will be wiped off the minute I look away" my eyes widened, but I have never kissed Aria again since we started doing this though hearing him say this it makes sense.

"To me kissing is the most intimate thing I know  my flower, I won't go back when I kiss you and then later you choose to be with Aria. It will broke me killian. I really like you so much. All this is real" sincerity was in Corey's voice.

"You mean to tell me that you don't kiss your lover's or hook ups"I fired back.

"I do" Corey muttered rubbing his forehead.

"Then what's the difference" I ask.

"The difference is-" Corey adjusted himself "to them it's just sex but with you it's more than that. I want so much more with you. I know I'm thinking ahead of myself but the truth is I want you for longer not just sex and move on. With You I want every moment to be special-" Corey cut himself looking away. I think this was the first time he confessed something like this to someone.