Fall to Pieces

Empty Control

I woke up in my bedroom, on my bed. Blinking, because something was definitely wrong, I sit up. Looking around the room, I notice that it was how I left it last night... Journals on the desk, the closet open from snooping around. The pens. The pens are on the desk, back in its container. I didn't do that. I fell asleep last night in the rain, I remember that much. How did I get here? Dragging myself out of bed, I dress and go and help out with breakfast. Nobody says anything about last night and neither do I. Maybe it was all in my imagination? Have I really lost it?
While waiting for the bell to ring, Eddy stops by. The classroom is empty, and I must say I'm not in a good mood to acknowledge his royal beauty.
He hands me something, and I can feel the fear rise as I take it from him. Its one of my pens that was on the bed last night.
"Wasn't exactly the smartest thing to do, now was it?" He asks.
I shake my head. "Weren't you supposed to be sleeping, at like one in the morning?"
"I heard you get up...I'm a light sleeper. Your room is the closest to mine. I can hear you even when your dancing to your music."
My mouth drops open. "I...um...well....Thanks for the pen!"
"Do you wanna talk-"
"No." I give him a polite smile. Fake, but it does the trick. He starts to leave. He turns around and faces me. "You should talk about it, whatever the problem is. If you don't, as Mama would say, Es peor el remedio que la enfermedad." (It just makes things worse.)
I shake my head at him. "Hacer de tripas corazon." (What can't be cured must be endured.)
I'm saved by the bell. Literally. The girls rush past Eddy and sit in their seats. Even Elena and Scarlett are on time.
"Buenos días!" I cheerfully greet, turning away from Eddy. I need to get my life under control. Or else people will start to know how screwed up I am inside. And that, is when the real danger comes out. If my past were to sneak its way into my future, all hell would break lose. It would be news that people wouldn't quite understand. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Its going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay. I made a promise to Frankie that I would find peace. I'm going to find peace.
"Ms. A, you alright? You look like you going out of your mind." Scarlett says from across the room.
Elena whispers, "Scar, that's not nice. She's probably having withdrawals from alcohol."
Clearly these people love to judge and mock me. "Girls, I'm okay. Don't worry about me. Alright?"
I'm convinced, I'm living a very sad life. I'm walking around, lonely and empty.