Fall to Pieces

Fights, Pain and Blame

The months seem to be passing fairly quickly. Every thing is happening to fast, and for once in my life, I want time to slow down. I want to stay in Eddy's arms, I want to stay and teach the girls, and I want to stay here, in Nicaragua. As selfish as it may seem, it could be the best choice. There isn't a devil constantly sitting in my shoulder, waiting for me to drown in my pain every time I reach to the surface.
The girls have finally successfully learned both dances, and will be competing next month. All we have to worry about is knowing the dance to perfection, and what we're going to wear. Scarlett and Elena are starting to break the ice, but still remain a complete mystery to me. I will find out what burdens they're carrying. That's my promise to them. Eddy and I are dating, yes, and I feel like I'm in heaven every time he looks, touches or kisses me. And that's happiness, at least for me. We haven't said those three words yet. We haven't even mentioned what's going to happen when my eight months are up. Quite frankly, I don't want to think about it.

* * *

"What is wrong with you?!" I hear Scarlett shriek, making me jump. Alexander is playing with the little kids, Eddy and Mama went out for groceries, and I'm reading a book on the patio. I can see Elena and Scarlett ready to fight, and a crowd of the older kids starts to form. I groan, and immediately walk towards the cluster.

"How dare you say any of this is my fault?!" Elena yells back. There's a feral look in her eye's, and it scares me.
"I never said that! You're the one that's always putting the blame on others! You're the one that's going to get us all killed!" Scarlett shouts and starts to walk away, but Elena grabs her hair back and throws her to the floor, Scarlett kicks Elena in the foot, and when Elena bends in pain, punches her in the eye. I cringe. By the time I push my way through the crowd, demand that all the bystanders leave, I'm left with Scarlett and Elena rolling on the dirt floor, trying to kill each other.
Dragging Elena and Scarlett off of each other, I sigh. "In the house, now. Go up to my room. Say one word to each other and I swear, it will not be nice."
In my room, that I haven't slept in for the last four months, Elena sits on my bed, and Scarlett stands at the wall. Shutting the door, I look at them. "Really? How old are you two? Sixteen! And you're out there fighting like idiots! Why? What could be so bad that would lead you to be violent? Tell me."
Scarlett huffs. "You wanna know my story? My parents died and I was sent to live with a gang member. He was my uncle. Him and his girlfriend beat the living shit out of me. W-why do you think I don't talk much, huh? I have a stuttering problem. And every time I tried to speak, they would laugh, and beat me. My uncle lived with the gang leader, who likes to sell sex slaves. My uncle didn't want to sell me as a sex slave because when I turn eighteen, I get the money my parents saved up for me. One day, I decided the money wasn't worth the abuse. So I ran. I ran until my feet bled. And I ended up here. If my uncle finds me, he'll kill me, so I don't get the money. He'll kill me for running away."
"To give me hell," Elena snarls. "You're uncle beat and raped me for you're innocence, and in the end, I'm the one that suffers. I'm the one that has no worth or value. I'm the one who's stained."
"Wait, what? You two knew each other before you came to the orphanage?"
They nod. Elena continues, "At least your parents left you something. My parents were deadbeats with fifteen other kids. They never knew I was kidnapped to be sold as a sex slave. They'll never know I was beaten and raped. They'll never know because they never cared in the first place. And you, Scarlett, you stood by and let your uncle sin to his fullest. And if he finds me, he'll kill me for running away as well."
"Girls, you need to stop blaming each other!" I hiss, more hardly than I should, wiping away tears.
"You don't understand!" They both yell back at me.
"I do! I understand! I understand because I was raped and I was tortured!" I scream back. "Al desdichado hace consuelo tener compania en su suerte y duelo! (Two in distress makes sorrow less.)You two should be leaning on each other and trying to heal instead of hating and blaming each other. It will kill you. You lose everything when you let the past control you. You will lose everything when you sell yourself to the devil trying to avoid the pain. The pain will always be there, but you have to find a way to move on. You have to. Or else you will be bitter, miserable and lonely for the rest of you're life."
Elena crosses her arms. "You said you were a virgin."
Shutting my eyes, I reply, "That day, I was talking about the front of my body."
"I don't understand. That morning, you were snuggled up against Eddy like the blanket or something. How are you able to..." Scarlett ponders, looking down at her hands.
"It is true, Eddy and I have a relationship. He is the third relationship I've had since being raped. I trust him. And I love him. I love him because he forces me to face my fears. And when I think about the pain, he is my dose of medicine. And I know for fact I will never feel like that with another guy."
"You're cured," she whispers, her voice not bitter or rude, but holding admiration.
I chuckle. "No, I'm not cured. I still have days when I want to commit to a life where my pain controls me. However, I've learned to look for rainbows after the storm, and stars in the darkness."
Scarlett turns to Elena. "I'm sorry I didn't save you sooner, okay? I'm sorry for everything. Please forgive me."
Elena looks up, confused. "What do you mean, save me sooner?"
"Did you honestly think you escaped because of luck?" She snorts. "No, Elena. I made sure that he was alone and drunk so you escaped. I unlocked the door for you. I was going to run that night, but I sacrificed my paradise for yours."
"Why didn't you say something, Scarlett? All these years I've been blaming you instead of thanking you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being ignorant. I'm sorry for holding grudges. I should've realized that I wasn't the only one in pain. Of course, you're forgiven. I hope one day you can forgive me, too."
"Oh, Elena. I already have. Lo pasado, pasado esta." (Let bygones be bygones.)
"Okay girls. Its almost dinner." I open the door. "Run along."
They shuffle through the door and I hear them greet Eddy, who walks into my room, his face serious. "Clean up, put on something nice. Meet me by the car in five minutes."