Fall to Pieces

Surreal Dreams

My whole body is freezing cold. I slowly blink my eyes, and I see the one person I never thought I'd see again in this lifetime.

"Mom? Mom, is that really you?" I whisper. She hasn't changed. Her hair is still in its curly state, and her lips are red. She even smells the same, like peaches and cream. She's dressed in a white flowing dress, and she's wearing her gold bangles. As always, she's beautiful.

"Anastasia, come." She whispers back, and I stand up and follow her. I'm trying to be as quiet as possible, but at this time I really don't care. My mom is finally here.

"Mom where are we going?" I ask her, but she doesn't answer, just keeps walking. "Mom?"

She walks outside, and even though its raining and I'm barefoot, I follow her. She keeps walking, all the way past the school, straight into the river. She stands there, waiting for me. "Come, my darling. Find peace."

"Mom?" I whisper again, and its getting hard to see her because of the rain.

"I know he hurt you. I know you're suffering. Come, baby doll, and find peace. Find peace," she tells me. I start to step into the water, but suddenly I'm yanked back.

Blinking, I whirl around, and look at Eddy in the pouring rain. "What are you doing?" I turn back and face the river. "Mom? Mom? MOM! No, come back!" I pull away from Eddy and run into the river, looking for her. He's stronger, and faster, so he grabs me around the waist, and throws me over his shoulder. "No!" I scream! I'm crying, and I'm wet and I'm angry that he's taking me away from my mother. "No! Let me go before she leaves! Put me down, put me down! EDDY! PUT ME DOWN!"

He rests me down in a chair and Mama gives me a towel. He kneels before me and I slap him in his face. "How could you?!"

"Anastasia, what is wrong with you? Are you drunk? How about suicidal? Its four in the morning, pouring buckets and your wandering into a river thinking your mom is there?"

"I'm sober! I saw her. Shewasthereshewasthere," I sob. "She told me she was going to give me peace. She told me that she knew-"

I stop talking. I've said too much. These people don't even know me.

Mama cups my face in her hand. "Its okay. What matters is that you're safe. Okay? Let's get you cleaned up. You're soaking wet."

I sit at the kitchen table, now dry, holding a cup of coffee in my hand. I told Mama I was fine, and so she went back to bed. I'm not crazy. I saw my mother. She was beautiful. And she left me, again.

Eddy walks into the kitchen, and sits across from me. Before I can say anything, he shakes his head, demanding silence. "Listen, Anastasia, I'm not stupid. I'm going to offer my suggestion of what I think happened to you, and you can slap me again if I'm wrong. Alright?"

"No," I hiss at him. "Are you stupid? Why are you still talking to me? Aren't you terrified that there's a lunatic in your house?"

"No. I'm terrified that you almost lost your life because you're drowning in your pain that-"

"Stop minding my blasted business, Eddy. Leave it alone." I cut him off.

"When it wakes me up four in the morning, and I have to save your ass from drowning in a river, yeah, I think its my business. So are ready for what I have to say? Or no?"

I sigh. Inside, I'm shaking. My whole body feels like ice. I want to let go, just for once. My past wasn't supposed to find me here. "Fine. I'm ready."

No, no I wasn't.