Fighting a New World

39

Carter's POV

I sighed to myself as I leaned against Callum's chest. Liam's hand played with my hair as I lay across his lap while Ryder drew random shapes on my legs.

The nature channel played in front of us but I think I was the only one paying attention at this point.

"Do you want to talk about it," Callum asked gently after us cuddling on the couch for the past two hours.

"Not really," I admitted as I leaned farther into him.

"You've been acting weird lately," Liam whispered as his hands played more. "Something's bothering you. You always help us, let us help you for once."

"You're not going to like what I say so why say it at all," I asked but my eyes never left the TV screen. I really didn't want to talk about it for the second time today.

I just wanted to lay here and enjoy the presence of my boyfriends but I didn't think that would end up happening when I hear Callum sigh.

"You know bottling it up won't help. If you want to get it out, just say it. We can get over it."

"Then you promise not to make a big deal out what I say or to over react?"

"I don't know about promise," Ryder said. "But we would try."

My heart sped up in my chest as I thought of a way to say this without getting all of them upset.

"Just the anger getting the best of me," I say after a while of thinking but none of them seem to buy it. "Seth said that the PTSD meds aren't working anymore so he's going to change them so that should help."

"There's nothing else," Liam asked carefully.

I should have known that nothing would get passed Liam.

"A while ago I felt something," I admitted. "Bram had been touching me all day, Jem was over at the house the day before, people at Jax's job had been so mean and for just a split second, I snapped. I was angrier than I had ever been, it was pretty much just blinding rage and all I wanted to do was beat the life out of something.

"Ever since then all I can think of is this is what it must have felt like to be Jax's dad as he got worse and worse. From there all I can think about every time I get even a little mad is how much I'm like his dad and how I'm going to end up like him someday. How once I get to that point you will all leave me and Jax and how we'll be worse off because of it. I know none of you are going anywhere but it's all I can think of and I can't get it out of my head."

I hadn't realized that I was crying until Callum's finger brushed across my cheek to wipe away the tears that had fallen.

"You're nothing like him," Ryder said in a small voice as he drew hearts on my skin.

"Maybe not yet," I whispered just loud enough for all of them to hear me.

"You'll never be like him. We won't let you get that far," Liam promised, his hand tightening in my hair before releasing it entirely. His hand moved to cup my face before making me turn on my back to look at all of them.

"We love you," he said as he rubbed my cheek.

Callum smiled down at me as he held me closer into his chest. Ryder's hands never stopped drawing the stupid hearts as he stared at me with a smile of his own.

My heart stopped beating for a second.

I could tell they were all telling the truth. They loved me.

"We promise," Ryder, said as he came up to lie on my chest. "We're not going anywhere."

I smiled into Ryder's shoulder as my arms wrapped around his hips.

"I love all of you too," I whispered into his shoulder.

Callum barely had time to wrap his arms around both of us before Ryder's phone was going off in his pocket.

I couldn't help but laugh a bit as Ryder struggled and groaned as he tried to get his phone out his back pocket while Callum and I made it bit harder by holding his arms down just enough to make him fight for it while Liam just laid back and watched.

"It might be something important," he groaned into my chest, making Callum and I let go of him.

He huffed at both of us and mumbled something about us being Neanderthals before leaning up and straddling my knees while digging for his phone again.

"Yes, this is Ryder Mason, who is this," Ryder spoke into the phone, looking slightly confused before his face lost all emotion.

My hands came up to his hips as his face pales and his mouth begins to hang open. He stumbles off my lap seconds later before running off to the bedroom. None of us had time to follow him before he was running back with his shoes in hand, the phone no longer pressed against his cheek.

"I have to go," he rushed out as he slipped on his shoes, not even bothering to tie them. "Something bad happened at the hospital so I need to go right now. I don't know when I'll be back but hopefully it won't be long. I can call my boss on the way so she knows I won't be at work. Then I can-"

"Babe, you need to calm down," Liam said calmly as he slowly slid off the couch as eased over to our boyfriend.

I followed Liam's lead but Ryder was already backing away and shaking his head.

"Yes, you need to calm down or you'll have a panic attack," Callum said, his voice nowhere near as soothing as Liam's had been.

"I need to get to the hospital," he said again as he pulled away from all of us and headed back to the door.

"You need to think rationally and calm down. You have nothing packed, no phone charger, you haven't eaten at all today, and you don't even have your wallet on you," I soothed as I grabbed his hand and forced him to look at me. "We know you have to go, but you need to get everything you need first."

He nodded slowly as he tore his gaze from mine before running off again.

"So do we pack a bag too so we can be there with him or do we just let him do his own thing since he didn't want us to meet his mom and I assume this is what it's about," Callum asked as we looked over to Liam, who stood there with his usual blank expression.

"Pack a bag. He's going to fall apart alone."

If anyone wanted to know,  I am working on the prequel currently but as of right now it will not be posted on wattpad. You will be able to find the prequel on my patreon if you are interested in it. 

It will still be posted on Wattpad eventually! It will just take longer for me to post it here because I will be waiting until it is complete before it's posted here and that will probably take a while; patreon will just be early access to the story.

Link in bio if anyone is intrested. 

Last updated August 13, 2021