Captured Through The Lenses

Capture 8: Good Job, Lilly

Capture Eight

Tahimik kaming dalawa habang nananatili pa rin dito sa patio. It was so deafening that I wanted someone to blast a music or something.

"You went here just to explain the nature of your arrangement," I uttered, breaking the silence.

I don't know why saying it matters to him. Kahit tunay man o cover up ang engagement nila. What will change if he discloses this truth? Was it so important that I knew that he ditched the dinner and went here?

"Yes, I did," nakatitig siya sa akin. Pakiramdam ko'y ni isang segundo ay hindi nawala ang kanyang mga mata sa akin.

Nilingon ko siya matapos ang pagtatagal ng mga mata ko sa mga paso.

Isaac looked boyish in his plain black t-shirt and blue jeans which wrapped around and emphasized his lower limbs. His dark brown eyes were piercing through me that I hope my frantic heart does not betray me and give it all away.

Isaac was my first crush when I entered Redwoods University. I've been studying there since junior high school. I did not have romantic feelings for him. Humahanga lang ako sa kanya. Hindi lang siya puro itsura at hindi lang ang pagdadala ng pangalan ng pamilya niya ang kaya niyang ipagyabang. He's a great student on his own.

Isaac is included in a circle of excellent students. He has Benjamin, Mason and the journalism team. Day by day, I would watch them at the cafeteria as they engage in informative exchanges and discussions. Hindi naman ganoon kaseryoso ang kanilang grupo. May mga panahon naman na nagbibiruan din o gumagawa ng kalokohan.

At one point, I wished Isaac was my friend. So I'd get to witness his - up close. I wanted to hear his opinions and stories every day. I got intrigued and wanted to know his personality. And the closest I ever got to him is through the photos he has captured. Not only did the photographs told stories, it also gave away his personality. I treated his photos as his silent answers to the silent questions filled in my head.

I guess I started to drift away when getting close to him became impossible. Sa mga taong nakakasama niya pa lang, walang wala na ako. At sino nga lang ba ako para dumikit sa kanya? I'm an average student whose only achievement is being born into the Austria family and have the privilege to carry their name. Someone like me would never fit his frame.

Isaac and I will never be in the same hemisphere. And to compensate for the bitter experience. I stained his image in my mind so I'd change perspectives. He was very helpful, because when I started distancing myself, that's when he started noticing everything I did. He'd always play the class president who confiscated my make up and my phone. Became the class president who scolded me when I'm late, label me absent when I'm not in my respective seat, and purposely make me sit far from my friends because he said I was too noisy.

We were block section back in junior high kaya for four years ay naging kaklase ko siya. And by chance, pareho rin pala kami ng kukuhaning strand. He's been a class president for five years.

And it feels surreal right now that he's my seatmate, he saved me at the mall, helps me in my academics and is talking to me right now.

I'm scared because my heart is starting to relive my admiration for him five years ago. And I don't want that. Ngayong nagpapaliwanag siya sa akin, pakiramdam ko ay mahalaga ako sa kanya. Ilang taon kong inensayo ang sarili ko na huwag bigyan ng ibig sabihin ang lahat pagdating sa kanya. Pero sa ilang buwan lang ng interaksyon namin ay unti unti na itong napipigtas.

"Isaac, hindi mo ito kailangang sabihin sa akin. Kahit anupaman ang dahilan ng engagement niyo. Hindi na iyon mahalaga. Hindi na ito binibigyan pa ng oras para sabihin sa akin," I voiced.