Captured Through The Lenses

Capture 19: Long Time No See

Capture Nineteen

Papa and I sat outside the house, in the terrace. Mama put coffee and water above the center table that came with the wooden sofa set.

"How's mama and Gwyneth?" I asked.

Papa pursed his lip and nodded at me. "They're.... they're okay," he replied dismissively.

I sighed. "Thank you po, for coming here. At sa pagsagot din po sa pag aaral ko."

"Wherever you are, anak, you're still my daughter," sagot ni papa. "You would always be my responsibility."

Mama was silent the entire time. Sumisilip silip lang siya sa akin ngunit papasok din. She has not spoken a word to papa since he arrived. I guess they really ended in bad terms.

Several times, I opened my mouth to try and ask him for answers. But I'd immediately chicken out and choose not to.

"What are your plans after you graduate senior high school? Gusto mo bang dito mag aral? O sa Manila?" tanong ni papa sabay simsim sa kanyang kape.

Pinaglaruan ko ang aking kamay. I was pondering about my options. I don't really want to leave my mother right now. The main reason I was here in the first place anyway is because she wanted to be with me.

Living in Manila would mean expenses. Kailangan pang maghanap ng condo o apartment na matutuluyan. Kung dito ako, hindi na kailangan pa ng mga ganoon. Pwede nang mag uwian na lang. Kahit na biological father ko siya at responsibilidad niya ako, ayokong maramdaman ni Mildred Austria na nakikibahagi pa rin ako sa budget na para sa kanila. Hindi ako makikipag agawan.

"Dito na lang po ako mag aaral sa Nueva Ecija, papa. Hindi naman po importante kung saang paaralan. Basta po ay makapagtapos."

"Ano ba ang kukuhanin mong kurso? Do you want to work in Austra?" he raised.

"Plano ko pong kumuha ng course tungkol sa pagbbusiness. Baka po gawin kong negosyo ang pagmemake up artist," I opened.

Wala naman akong ibang nakikitang gagawin sa future kundi iyon. At some point, I wanted to be a model. Ngunit kailangan kong maging praktikal. Baka pa sa kakapilit kong maging modelo kahit na panigurado'y marereject ng maraming agencies ay masayang lang ang oras ko. I should play with my strengths. I know mama would be supportive, but I want to contribute in our finances. Being a make up artist would do the job.

"I'll be leaving now, anak. Sabihin mo sa akin kung may gusto kang puntahan ngayong bakasyon. I would sponsor your trip and hotel. Yun na ang pabirthday ko sa'yo," humalik si papa sa aking ulo at yumakap. "I love you anak."

Tipid akong ngumiti. "I love you too,papa. Mag ingat po kayo sa daan."

Tumayo si papa mula sa inuupuan. Mama, who might have heard papa's farewell, came out of the door.

Mama stopped in her tracks and took a step back. Papa who looked expectant backed away as well. The unspoken yearning between the two felt infuriating.

Despite the things they refuse to disclose to me. I still felt sad for them. Where could a love so deep gone wrong?

Mama could have married or try a relationship with other men. But she chose to be alone. Half of me thinks she did it out of respect to me as her daughter who she left. The other half thinks she failed to find a man whom she could feel intensely towards as she did with papa.

And it all the more terrified me of love and relationships. Sabi nila, love conquers all. But clearly, unfortunate circumstances could still outsmart it. No matter how much you devoted yourselves with each other.