Beaten & Bruised

Broken Hearts Club

Hours later, I woke up to Logan slouched over asleep in the chair next to me. The T.V. was still blaring from the night before. I reached over as quickly and as quietly as I could to grab my phone without waking him up. ouch I said quietly as the strain from stretching out my arm was irritating it.

As before when I turned my phone on. The shattered screen was full of messages and notifications. Mostly from James but one was undoubtedly from Kendall.. Here it was the silence between us both was about to be broken.. Would I read it or let it sit there unopened until I found the strength to stand up for myself. The thought crossed my mind but something within me pulled me towards Kendall still even after all of the turmoil and tragedy we have both had in our relationship. I couldn't just turn my feelings for him off like a switch.. it was going to be alot harder than I actually realized.

I rolled my eyes, while biting my lip nervously as I contemplated opening it... which I was just stupid enough to do. I glanced over at Logan still asleep, feeling the guilt rise up inside me.. even after how kind Logan had been to me knowing the underlying feelings he had made known for me in the past but, I still opened it anyways.

I immediately broke down in tears, it was enough to jerk Logan awake in the chair. He panicked and rushed over to me. Trying to comfort me, until he caught a glance at my almost impossible to read screen and saw a glimpse of what caused me to get so upset. I knew he was frustrated by the way he huffed but instead of talking to me like I was a stupid kid, he put his words and feelings aside and climbed into the bed with me. Holding me tight as I cried from confusion of my own heart and painful memories that replayed in my mind. That silence between us meant more than he knew. Instead of yelling at me, which is all I've known the past few years. Instead of the condescending remarks, he just silently held me and let me actually feel what I've kept numb for so long.

In the midst of my minor breakdown James was calling repeatedly. I ignored him not to be mean but I just wasn't interested In talking to anyone right now. I knew James meant well he was my biggest supporter but he also had to let me be an adult and learn from my own mistakes. I knew he had this guilt for stuff happening around him and being blind to it but if I had to figure out a way to move past this.. he needed to forgive himself too.

"You good? 'cause I could hold you all day." Logan said easing his grip he had around me. "yeah, thanks Lo-" I started to say when he interrupted me and smiled. "Don't do that, you don't have to thank me for being nice to you Trinity." "Yes, I do.." I replied as he looked at me with his dark brown eyes and smirked. For a minute, I could feel us both getting caught up in a moment that neither one of us were really ready for.. I was in a horrible situation, stuck in a place where I didn't even know myself and in the middle of a public breakup from an abusive guy that I was still in love with. The last thing I wanted to do was drag Logan into it anymore than he already was.

I pulled myself back from doing something I'd regret. Thank God the phone rang again because it was the perfect distraction in-between whatever was trying to happen with Logan.

"It's James.. I need to answer him before he calls in reinforcements" I said with a chuckle trying to break the uncomfortable tension between us. He pulled himself the rest of the way off the bed, grabbing his jacket off of the chair he slept on the night prior. I answered the phone but before I could tell Logan goodbye, he had already slipped out of the door without me noticing..

[Phone conversation with James]

"About time you answered, are you ready to come home?" James asked as if I was here by choice. "Uh I haven't been released yet have I?" "Well no, but it's ultimately up to you. if you feel up to it the doc said he would release you."

"Oh..." I said in reply.. I mean don't get me wrong I'd rather be anywhere but here but I also knew that Kendall was going to want to see me... one way or another and the drama was more than I could handle right now. Between the obvious reasons that had caused myself to be in the situation I was in now.. and the obvious feelings Logan was trying to express to me as he had in the past but I was and still partially still attached to someone else even if that person was a horrible human.

"How do you feel Trin?" James asked. I could tell he was eager to bring me home. He was just trying to protect me anyway he could. "Sore, but better I guess" "That didn't sound to convincing. Something wrong?" He muttered with a change of tone in his voice. "If you are scared you don't have to be. Kendall isn't going to hurt you anymore.. I mean it!" James said reassuring me. He would go ballistic on me if he had known that Kendall had reached out to me. "I know James.." is all I could say to that. "Look ill come by later and we'll talk about it more but I don't mind taking care of you for awhile, you just have to let me." I sighed but I knew he was just trying to make up for something that he feels he was at fault for.. Kendall was his friend and bandmate so he is carrying alot of guilt with him.
"I know, I know".

"So I'll see you later then? Say about five?" James asked waiting for an answer. "Five o'clock is fine".

"Love ya Trin"
"Love you too" I said as I hung up the phone.

I reached for a drink off of the side table next to me. As I scrolled through old pictures of Kendall and I. I wanted so much to delete them and be rid of all things Kendall Schmidt but my heart wanted anything but that. As for my head it was confused but I knew if I wanted something better for myself I had to find it in me to let him go.. I just didn't quite know how yet.