Love and destiny

33

It was already October and Aaron's birthday was just around the corner. Just a year ago, things were so different. My face expression changed when I had flashbacks on last year. Last year, I was excited to choose which gift to give to Aaron. This year, everything changed and we ended up as strangers once again just like how we started.

I shook my head, trying to get the thought out of my head. I cried and just forced myself to sleep that night. Fast forward and it was already 6th of October which was Aaron's birthday. Yesterday night, Aaron posted a picture of himself at the beach. He looked quite happy and handsome like always. I refrained myself from liking his pictures on Instagram. I was afraid if the sisters might be mad or Wanda might not like me who was his ex, liking his pictures. So I smiled while looking at his photos and turned off my phone.

It was 12 o'clock at midnight which was already Aaron's birthday. I used to wish his birthday straight away when the clock strikes at 12. However, now I hesitated for a while and stopped for a second. I wondered if it was necessary for me to wish his birthday. Yes, he was important to me at some point. Well, he still is. I wondered if I am still significant in his life. I looked at the clock and sighed heavily. "Maybe it is already late, He might be sleeping. I'll do it tomorrow." I said to myself. I put my phone away from my sight and laid down on my bed. I shrugged and looked at the ceiling. I stared at it for hours, while tossing and turning. I sighed and said, "Looks like I am going to have a headache tomorrow."

And I did ended up having a massive headache the next morning. I yawned and reached for my phone, "What time is it?" I swiped up my phone and it stated that it was already 10 am. I shrugged and walked to the bathroom to clean up.

30 minutes after, I walked out of the bathroom, getting ready to have breakfast. I cooked scramble eggs and sausages and ate it with bread. I scrolled through all of my friends's Instagram story. My eyes landed at Aaron's profile and I mumbled, "Aaron posted a story." It was birthday wishes from his sister, his nieces and some of his friends. I viewed it and said, "How come he never post any of birthday wishes story last year? Why did he do it this year instead? Hmm." Then, I opened up WhatsApp and clicked on my previous chat with Aaron. I scrolled through our previous chat and my heart trembled.

Almost 2 months passed from our last chat with each other. I wondered if it is going to be awkward if I started a chat with him today. I shrugged and said, "Who cares? Let's just do it. I mean, it's no harm to wish your ex birthday, right?" I took a deep breath and began typing. It took me almost 20 minutes to construct a nice and formal words to wish his birthday. I stopped for a second and read the chat I was about to send him,

'Hey Aaron. How are you doing? Happy Birthday. I wish you happiness. May you achieve your dreams and everything you want to accomplish.'

I clicked send and quickly turned off my Wi-Fi. I couldn't bear to see his reply. Well, if he did reply or not. That was what made me scared and in doubt. Would he reply or just seen it? I remembered a scene in a movie I previously watched last year. A girl sent a message to her ex-boyfriend by mistake and the ex-boyfriend just read the message. It seemed scary and embarrassing too. What's funny was the girl tried to give thousands of excuses as why she send the message to him. The guy didn't even bother to listen and just ran away. It was awkward and funny at the same time. I hoped that I would not encounter that experience.

I didn't open my phone for about an hour. I was bored so I just sighed and said, "Let's just connect to the Wi-Fi. It's not a big deal if he replies or not, right?" Just kidding, I lied to myself to make me feel better. I swiped up and connect to my home's Wi-Fi.

Ping! 5 messages from Aaron. Wow, he did replied to me. My heart was beating faster than ever. Maybe I was anxious to see his replies. I took a deep breath to calm myself and clicked on the WhatsApp app. 

I clicked on his replies and read, "Hey there. Thank you for still wondering how I am doing. Yes, thank you for the wishes. I hope you are well and achieve your goals too." He then added, "Have fun and always enjoy watching dramas especially Korean dramas." I smiled a little and a side of me know that he already moved on from me a while ago. Another side of me was sad because the formal reply from him. I took a deep breath and exhale it to calm myself down.

I began replying by initiating a conversation with him, "How's life? I forgave everything that happened between us." I added a cheeky question as I was curious about his current life, "Do you have a girlfriend already?" It was to see whether he will react to this question or not.

As per what I expected, he didn't react to it. He just gave another formal reply, "Yeah. I hope you are well. I will always wish the best for you and pray for you." I then replied, "I thought we could have a chat and talk like we used to but I guess it's not a right thing to do anymore. Yes, the Covid-19 cases in my area were a bit worrying."

Ping! I read Aaron's replied, "Yes. Take care be safe. I would always keep the birthday gifts you gave me 3 months ago." I replied, "Yes, take a good care of it. Use it whenever you feel like it." And our conversation ended like that. He just read my last chat with him. It was a fairly alright conversation. A side of me was disappointed and another side of me was totally fine because I already expected that this might happen. 

Flashbacks came through my mind and it took me back to 2 months ago where I told Aaron about his early birthday gifts. I guessed he already opened the presents. I wondered if he opened it today just like I told him to or did he already opened it before. I hoped he liked it. 2 months ago, I planned to buy 3 gifts for him. That was because 3 is my favourite number and 3 stands for 3 words which were 'I love you.'

I remembered two weeks before D-day of my decision to take a break from him. I bought 3 gifts from an online shopping site for him. I told him that and gave him the tracking numbers for all those three presents. My friends were against of my idea and I just shrugged, defending my last wish for him.