Jade Thirlwall Imagines Book 2

It's all my fault

You're a doctor at a hospital. You're always 100% with your job. And everybody loves you. Right now, you're fighting to keep a 17 year old boy alive.

"Y/n...."

"No! No dont even try it! I mean it! Get something else!"

You keep trying to save him while the nurses go get something else to help.

"C'mon Eddie. You can do it. Stay with me buddy." You mutter.

A few nurses run in with some stuff you could use to try saving him. Hours upon hours of fighting to keep him alive and he flatlines.

"No... No i refuse! Get me the defibrillators!"

The nurse gives them to you.

"Clear!"

You put them on his chest and they do what they're supposed to. You do this about 8 more times until he's completely gone. You put the defibrillators away and walk into the bathroom. You feel a burst of anger. You punch a mirror. It smashes and you sink to the floor. Your phone rings. You check to see if you can just dodge it. It's Jade.

You take a deep breath and answer.

"Hey." You say.

"Hey baby! How's it goin?" Jade asks.

"Oh...uhm....fuckin fantastic. Basic minor injuries that are treatable and not any that can kill so that's good." You lie.

"Well that's amazing. Well.... it would be if you were telling the truth. I can hear it in your voice baby... what's happened?"

"I-uh-i gotta go. I'll talk to you later. I love you."

You end the call and put your phone away. The door opens and in walks your best friend. She sits next to you.

"I know what happened Y/n. I'm so sorry..."

"It's all my fault...."

"No. No absolutely not. Dont you dare blame yourself. It is not your fault." She says.

During that shift, you lose 4 more patients. None of it was your fault. You tried everything in your power to keep them all alive but you couldn't.

When you finally get home, you grab your bag and lock the car. You go into the house, shut the front door and slowly slide down it. You pull your knees into your chest and you break down. Completely. Jade walks in and sees you sat crying. So she quickly runs over to you and comforts you. 2 hours it takes her to calm you.

Once you're calm, you both go up to bed and lay in bed together.

"Talk to me. What happened."

"5 people..... 5 normal, happy people we lost last night. And it was all my fault. I didn't try hard enough. I could've tried so much fucking harder to save them and because of me, we lost 5 people. 17, 25, 80, 65 and 20. That's how old these peoole were. They should've died peacefully in their sleep in their own home but instead, because of my stupidity, they died in the worst place ever." You say.

You feel your eyes tearing up again. Jade wipes the tears away and hugs you. You hug back. She pulls back and shakes her head.

"That's your head talking to you telling you that you fucked up. You didn't. With the shit people go into your hospital with, I'm surprised you only lost 5 last night. And it's not your fault they died. It was what was wrong with them that their bodies couldn't fight back. Please, please dont blame yourself bubs. The people that die on your ward will never die because of you. You cant save everybody. As hard as you'll try, people have to die. Circle of life. Whether they go before they're supposed to or not is besides the point. It's not your fault."

You sniffle and nod. You both lay back down. Jade snuggles up into you and you both fall asleep.

Lmao my english language teacher told me writting in second person, which is how i write, is hard as fuck. Lmao i do it all the damn time