Scarlett Ngcobo

Chapter 44

After yesterday's episode, I knew I couldn't continue to live like this. I can't continue living like a prisoner. Even behind bars, they still managed to capture me. They lived rent free, in my mind.
I saw them in my sleep. I'm tired. I called Dr Puoentle.
“Puoentle Morolong hello?”
I was also hoping that she doesn't pick up.
“Hello?”
“Hello Dr.”
“Khanyisile is it you?”
“Yes.”
She started laughing. She probably thinks this is a social call. “How are you firecracker? It's been a while.”
I sighed. What does one say to such a question?
“Khanyisile?”
“I'm still here Dr.”
“I asked you a question.”
“Do you have time to squeeze me into your busy schedule?”
“Just for regular coffee, or to see me in my office?”
“Your office.”
“I'll look at my calendar and get back to you.”
“Thank you.” I cut the call.
I went back to the lounge.
“I made the call.”
“I'm proud of you baby. This is the first step, to healing.” my mom said.
My phone vibrated. It was a message from Puoentle;
I'm only free on, Thursdays and Fridays.

I'll see you then. I replied.

“I'll be starting my sessions on Thursday.”
“That's great news. Me and your dad will take you.”
“Mom can I ask you something?”
“Anything baby.”
“Do you think I'll ever be okay again? Will I be able to function like a person? Will this ever end?”
“You're strong Khanyisile Scarlett Ngcobo! If there's anyone who can come back even stronger after this, that person is you. I'm not promising you that you will forget what happened. What I know is that you're my baby and you're strong. We will overcome this. Nothing lasts forever.”
“But I don't want to be strong anymore. I'm tired of being strong. Being strong has only brought me pain! I want to be weak.”
“Look at me baby.” she held my hand. “You're Gatsha’s daughter. You're my baby. If you ever get tired of being strong, me and your dad are there. We'll be strong on your behalf. Okay?”
“Loud and clear. If it was not for you and dad, I have no clue where I would be. I love you a lot! Never ever forget that.”
“I love you too, princess.”

I opened up a fake Instagram and Facebook account. I needed to read what's happening in the real world. Get up-to-date with gossip. I don't know if it's my sight being faulty or my phone. Jasmin and Cassandra got married a week ago? I felt my anger getting the better out of me. How could she? Did I mean that little to her? I was not expecting us to reconcile, or anything but this I did not expect.
“Khanyi, I'm going out to buy groceries. You will be okay by yourself right?”
“Yeah.”
“What are you busy with in that phone?”
“Did you know?”
She raised a brow. “Did I know what?”
I showed her the pictures and videos. She covered her mouth.
“What the hell! When did this happen?”
“I don't know. I just saw this now.”
“Wow! What's the rush though? They don't even look that great.” she rolled her eyes.
“Don't be nasty, they look good.”
“Obviously you would say that. You can say it Chommie, their wedding outfits deserve to be in the trash.”
“Bathong Kele! You can't say that.
“I can and you can as well. I won't judge you. Chommie, I'm going, don't spend your time on those two.”
“Okay.”
My phone rang in my room. I got up to go and answer it.
“Khanyisile, hello?”
“Hey, Khanyisile, I have an opening on Monday. Do you think you can see me then?”
“I thought we agreed on, Thursday and Friday?”
“Yes, but a client cancelled our session and I thought of you.”
“Fine, I'll see you on Monday.”
“Khanyi?”
“Yes, Dr?”
“Don't forget that, it's okay not be okay.” with that said, she cut the call.
I found myself missing Lutendo. I got so used to seeing him, everyday. Now, I never see him. He was the light in the midst of all this darkness surrounding me. Just thinking about him, that brought a smile to my sour face.
It was getting late and Kele was still not home. I looked around the house to make sure, all the windows were closed. The door was locked. I was almost done with the cooking.
Out of nowhere, I panicked. What if..
The door opened, she walked in carrying plastics. I ran to her and embraced her tightly. I didn't want to let go of her.
“Don't do that again!” I sobbed.
“I'm sorry. The lines were hectic. I shouldn't have left so late. We can order in.”
“I cooked.”
She hugged me once more. “I'm really sorry babe. Thank the Lord, I had my keys with me.”
“I didn't want to take any chances.”
We had our dinner before we parted ways. I was awake, sleep was the last thing on my mind. I got up and took a blade, I hid under the mattress. I removed the bandage and made new cuts. After the blood dried up, I cleaned the cuts and added a new bandage.
I found myself texting him;
Hi, I was wondering if  it would be possible for you to drop me off at my therapist's office tomorrow? It's at 17h00. Good night.