Random encounters

20. Before it falls

Unedited

Candy believed that it was just the wind surprisingly, I realized Luke parked his car away hence she didn't see anything.  I've been a mother and Thiko's fiancee, for what is worth I feel like I'm acting than just living. I can't tell anyone about what happened not even Candy since she'll probably hate me forever. It's a good thing I have this one to run to when my life becomes unbearable.
I get up and embrace him before he sits down,  he doesn't protest but wrap his arms around me and wait for me to get settled.
"I miss you" I say as I let him go
He smiles " miss you too, how have you been?"
We get settled.
"I've been good, being a mother is amazing" I say
"How about being a wife to be? You're getting married next month" Tebogo states
I nod.
"You should be excited" he continues
I stare at him.
"I don't know how to be happy..."
He cuts me off "I don't believe that"
We both stare at each other for a minute not saying anything.
"I slept with his best friend" I confess
He doesn't look shocked nor surprised.
"You've done that before right?" Tebogo rhetorically
Ouch! "What's that supposed to mean?"
"I don't know Wanga, what do you want me to say?" He sit back on his chair watching me
"I hate myself for what I did, it's been a month and I still can't process everything well." I stop
" He came to talk, the next thing he's inside me and I didn't even try fighting him. I am a hoe...all this is going to break Thiko..."
Tebogo interferes "woah, why do you want to tell him?"
I thought he was angry at me but judging by his face I'm wrong.
"I feel guilty..." I confess
"Yes, you must. You're a terrible person and hating. It's natural to take for granted the things we have, in  search for those we don't. Some realize it sooner, some after losing the good thing but others don't." Tebogo explains
I look at him clueless.
He place his left hand on his chin, like he's deep in thought.
"What do you want?" He asks after a second
"I want Thiko" I confess
"I made a terrible mistake but I love Thiko with everything in me, I can't see him hurt but I've hurt him myself. I can't forgive myself for that, I feel like not telling him is me saying I'll suffer alone with what I did..."
"If you love him that much then it's worth it." He says calmly
My eyes still stuck on Tebogo...
"Will you ever cheat on Tshinondiwa?" I ask
He escapes my eyes but doesn’t answer my question. Shit!
"How do you live with yourself everyday?" I ask
His face is hard, he look back at me.
"The same way you've been living with it" Tebogo cold as ever
This is why I love him, he doesn't sugarcoat things but has my back ever since I met him.
"You resented her for cheating on you..." I state
"The same way you resent Thiko too, I guess we're both even...hypocrites" Tebogo
Our luncheon ended in a good mood,  we had drinks and forgot about our problems for a second. It's good to let loose a bit.

Later that day, after Candy left the house I waited for Thiko to come back home. It gave me enough time to think about my future as his wife and what I must do. So I think I know, what I want.
"Mine" he says as he gets in
"I'm here babe" I call out from the couch
"I was testing the waters calling you like that this late" he smiles as he walks to me
"Thank God I'm up" I say
He kiss me and sit next t7 caro me.
"How was your day?" He asks taking me in his arms
"It was good, I had a date with Tebogo" I say
"Your second boyfriend..."
I laugh before he can finish
"Your cousin is the third" he continues
"It's not like that" I'm still laughing
"I know but they make you happy more than me and that's a pain on its own" he says
I stop laughing, he's serious.
"Lufuno is always talking to you over the phone, you laugh all that time and it's genuine. You've not been yourself the past few days, you went out once with Tebogo and came back as good as new. All I do is hurt you and make you cry..." he says
"That's not true..." I protest
"Are you happy Wanga, being in this house alone, seeing me less than 24 hours in a week? I wouldn't be happy..."  he says
"It's a good thing I'm not you" I say
"Wanga..." he reaches for my face
"Thiko" I say
He lays back and doesn't say anything.
"I'm marrying you next month, I know you don't see what I see in you but you're amazing and I love you so fucken much. I don't know why you doubt yourself so much but I'll always assure you every time you doubt yourself." I stop
He gives me a warm smile.
"I love you Thiko..." I kiss him
"You're mine" he says looking deep in my eyes
The good thing about nights like this is that, they never leave. Yes they end but we keep them with us, so that when life doesn't make sense, we take reference. He might never know what I did, I don't know everything he does and that's okay. It doesn't kill me.