Random encounters

31. Sandcastles

I am glad I forgave my mom and Khuthadzo and also myself for holding myself accountable for my dad's smile and sadness. I spent the most of the time with my father, mostly because I admired him. How powerful he was, he had the ability to build and make things work even with less effort. I never understood why everyone in the community admired and respected him the way they did, he had nothing to be frank but humble. He could sit with any
anyone and still have something to teach or just a story that could make you laugh. Maybe that and more that's why they respected him.
"Denzhe, this is your grandfather, and this is his resting place." I say showing her a picture and my father's tombstone, as usual she smiles.
"If he was here he'd be so happy to hold you and play with you. He really loved kids. And I know he would've loved you a ton." I explain."
I take water from khavho then pour on his grave.
"Here's water Papa, Drink up. I also have a snaif for you to keep watch over me. I'll always love you and Life hasn't been sweet on me since you left, maybe it's because I never came here to see you and do the right thing. I carry you in my heart, that's a promise I have kept ever since you passed. That you'll always be a part of me no matter the years that passes. I'm sorry for everything I've done knowing and unknowingly...I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive because I have forgiven me and you, that's why I want you to forgive yourself." I sprinkle the snaif as I say all these.
"You had the most genuine smile, unconditional love and that's what I chose to keep. The happiest moments of my life with you, you laughing instead of scolding me. I never understood why you didn't reprimand but laugh, but I'm a mother now so I get it." I laugh
"Papa, please watch over Denzhe as well and never leave her sight. Aa." I get up
My mom gives me a warm smile.
"You need to forgive yourself too." I say to her
She nods.
"Let's go home" She says
I'm glad I did this. Khuthadzo also introduced me to my family, my father's side. They all looked at me with long faces but in the end I'm glad I made peace with them. My aunt also passed for me and I feel ready to go and face the world.

My mom looked sad when I left but knowing that she won't be alone when I'm gone gives me comfort. I wanted to go and see the world with a clearer eye.
My drive was a bit longer than anticipated, maybe it's because I couldn't wait to see him.
He smiles as he sees Denzhe walking out of the car, she take babysteps to him with a huge grin.
"Dada" She says
He takes her in his arms and kiss her forehead.
"Hey" I say looking at him obsess over Denzhe.
"Hey..." he tries to smile but fails.
"How are you doing?" I ask
He stares at me.
"I'm good, you?" He asks
"I'm good." I say
His attention is back to Denzhe, like we didn't just have an awkward moment.
"Thiko..." I stop
He's quiet looking at me, like he will never have anything to say to me. It's expected.
"I'm so sorry for hurting you, for constantly bringing you bad luck. I took so much from you and I never realized what it did to you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day." I apologize
He doesn't say anything but look at me.
"I'll get her on Friday, you can stay with her for the rest of the week." I say then turn away.
I wish he could talk to me, I can take anything from him but not the silence anymore. It took so much for me to say all that and for him to just keep quiet hurts.

I find him waiting outside, he smiles as I make way to him. I get off the car and walk to him, defying the urge to run. I jump on to him, he carries and kisses me.
"I've been waiting for you..." he says letting me go.
"I miss you too." I smile
"I have something for you..." he grins at me
"What is it?" I ask
"It's inside..." he guides me with his hands on my waist.