𖦹Tomboo Oneshots 𖦹

Pretty.

Mentions of Starvation, Cutting, Bad thoughts. This is a vent. 

I never knew what being "pretty" felt like.

I always thought people were born pretty. I remember being young and telling my mom she was pretty and I wanted to be like her. She just laughed and said "You'll get there one day."

I was 7 at the time. 

My Dad had started dating my new step- mom. And my Mom dated my step-dad.

I was happy. I didn't worry about being perfect or smart. But my parents were different.

My Mom always told me to do my hair, wear a dress, go to parties, make friends, be smart, and be perfect.

My Dad told me never to have a boyfriend, stick with your brothers, go outside, and wear makeup. 

I was 10.

I then started to get older. 

"Eres tan flaca"

"Come más"

"Eres tan gorda"

-Some words from my parents.

"Your so ugly"

"You eat to much"

"Your so skinny"

-Words from my brothers.

It's always "Your fat" or "Your skinny"

"Eat more" "You eat to much"

It never stops.

In 5th grade I had a crush on this boy. He liked me, and I liked him.

He asked me to be his valentine, I said yes.

He asked me out. My Mom said no.

In 7th grade he moved on but I didn't.
He started dating my best friend. 

I met a group of people.
One faked their age, death, and getting kidnapped.

The other one, abandoned us.

I had one friend left. School started and they stopped talking to me.

I remember standing in front of my mirror in my room. I stood there looking at myself. Looking at all the insecurities I had. All the ugly and fat parts of me. 

I started to stop eating. All I did was chew gum and drink water.

I stopped wearing dresses, skirts, and all the things that showed too much skin.

I went through shit. I had some fun. I felt the pain. I felt joy.

Now I know how being "pretty" feels like.

I never want to feel it again.