Defying Fate

Fate 40

Chapter 40

Binaba ko sa puntod ang hawak na bulaklak. Umupo na ako sa bermuda grass at inalis ang ilang dahon na tumataklob sa lapida. I then lit up the candle I was holding on my hand, together with a lighter.

My eyes went to the man who's walking towards me. Bumaba muli ang mga mata ko sa pangalan nila sa lapida. A smile appeared on my face.

"Nay... Tatay..." I called as I felt the cold wind splashed on my skin. Hindi iyon nagtagal dahil sa lumapat na jacket sa aking balikat.

"I told you to wait for this," Sabi ni Chris habang inaayos ang dalang malapad na tela para upuan namin. Walang hirap niya akong binuhat para paupuin sa nilatag na tela. I jokingly punch his arm. He carried me like I was a baby.

"Malinis naman ang damuhan," Pagdadahilan ko. I heard him tsked. Pinagpag niya ang laylayan ng bestida ko na nadikitan ng damo.

"Hello po, ako po si Chris." Pagsisimula niya. Naramdaman kong pumulupot ang braso niya sa bewang ko. Inabot ng kamay niya ang kamay kong may singsing.

"Hihingin ko po sana ang permiso na pakasalan ang anak n'yo," Kasabay nun ang malakas na paghampas ng hangin na tila iyon ang sagot nila.

"I promised to take care of your precious daughter for the rest of our lives. I promised to be with her side, to encourage her when she's down, to fully understand when she's mad, to talk about our problems right away. I promise to love her, to make her feel that she deserved to be loved... that she's worth it of everything in the world,"

Nag-init ang sulok ng mga mata ko sa katagang sinabi ni Chris. My fingers slowly traced every letters of their names like it's carved to my heart.

"I am getting married... Nay, Tatay."

It's been years since I lost them yet it felt like it was yesterday. Hindi ko lang maramdaman sa pagkagustong makalimot. Pinipilit ng utak ko na ilagay sa kasuluksulukan ang ideya ng pagkawala nila sa buhay ko. Sa loob ng pitong taon na wala akong ginawa kung hindi mawala sa tamang landas ay nakalimutan ko sila. I never visited their grave even though I can, with all my means, anytime. I just can't. Hindi kaya ng puso ko.

I have a lot of regrets for sure. For years, I was a lost soul. Wandering around, playing around. 'Cause I let the anger, the pain, and the guilt lived in me. I let them eat my system that made me lifeless.

Yet I can't be who I am today without those bad memories, without experiencing the ugly side of life. I just have to be grateful for today and the future. Hindi naman palagi na nasa ilalim ang buhay mo, iikot itong muli para naman tumaas. Life's a cycle.

Ang gusto kong itatak sa utak ko na hindi ko kailangan mamuhay sa nakaraan. Na nangyari iyon dahil may dahilan. Na parte iyon ng buhay ko kahit sobrang sakit tanggapin. I have to swallow what life will give to me. I just have to be hopeful for tomorrow. I have to enjoy the moment of today, with the people around me whom I dearly love.

And as I felt the sand on my bare feet, I knew that everything is falling into places in my life. Sumasayaw ang buhok ko sa hangin. Wearing a white off-shoulder boho beach gown. The magnificent view of the sunset was behind the altar.

I can feel everyone's eyes on me as I walk more closer to the man I will spend the rest of my life with. My eyes went to my parents, Mom was crying and my Dad was tearing up as they watch me. Kahit ang mga kapatid ko ay ganuon din ang ekpresyon, sinusubukan na hindi umiyak. Nahagip din ng mga mata ko ang mga kaibigan ko, si Jade, Charie at si Alice na kasama ng dalawa sa upuan. Ate Agatha was already wiping her cheeks when my eyes went to her.