Dark Lust

Jolie

From my peripheral vision, I see Ciaran standing in the shadows, watching me talk with Dax. I keep my focus on Dax, wiping Ciaran away from my thoughts. He is not the king of my castle. I rule my own palace and he can stand back and watch as much as he wants.

"Let's go back to my place." Dax's fingers tickle my arm. "Get out of this wind."

"Let's do it."

I feel Ciaran's hard stare on the back of my head while I enter Dax's car. I hope he follows us to Dax's place. I hope Ciaran feels his heart shatter like mine did when my jacket was torn to pieces and dumped in my hand like it meant nothing to me. It took all my strength not to show my true feelings to them and slice their necks open with Ciaran's knife.

"Aren't you dating the Hughoc kid?" Dax asks me as we speed down the Los Angeles roads.

"Aren't you breaking the law for taking home a student of a school you substitute at?"

"No wonder people like you. You're feisty."

"And I wish they would stop."

Dax lives in an apartment on the third floor. It's his very own bachelor pad. The living room, kitchen and dining room are laid out with no walls to space out the rooms. He is very modern with his decorating and furniture choices of gray, white and some hints of color of yellow, blue and green. He tells me he will be right back and I realize that I still feel small in this huge apartment. I also feel a hint of sadness. I'm not sure why, though. I'm getting what I want. I need to start being more appreciative.

I throw off my shoes and lay the jacket on the coat rack. Dax comes around wearing a loose fitted t-shirt and plaid pants. He goes to the kitchen and pulls out a couple glasses and a bottle of wine that I assume costs more than my house. He motions for me to sit on the couch. Wow. I feel so out of place. This is worse than being at Ciaran's house.

"So, stripping? That takes a lot of courage."

"When you need to pay the bills, you don't care."

As I look around the place, Dax asks me, "Is everything okay?"

"Yes. Sorry, I'm not used to fancy stuff."

Dax is sitting right here and yet I feel alone. I want to run away. I want to be able to go back to Ciaran. He does all this shit to me but my heart still pulls to him. What the fuck is wrong with me?

"That's all Los Angeles is. Fancy and rich."

Dax puts his hand on my thigh. I cringe on the inside but on the outside I reply with, "Where's the bedroom?"

Dax leads me to his room. It's about the size of his living room and still fucking fancy. I hate this. It's too nice. I like my own shit. At least Ciaran was messy. This is what I get for being with someone in their thirties.

Dax moves in for the kiss and I take his lips willingly. He's much sloppier than Ciaran. As I kiss him, my mind tricks me and morphs Dax's kisses into Ciaran. I let out a small moan from the back of my throat. Dax moves down my neck, tugging at my shirt. I lift it over my head and his mouth returns to sucking on my neck.

We fall against the bed and he leaves trails down my torso. I keep my eyes closed and my mind is still choosing Ciaran over Dax. I start becoming aroused and want his touch even more so.

Dax unbuttons my pants saying, "You are going to have the time of your life."

Dax! My eyes snap open. It's not Ciaran. Nope, not at all. I'm making a huge mistake. I got to get the fuck out of here. I have to find Ciaran. I need him, not Dax.

"I just realized I need to leave."

I push Dax off me. He sits on the bed confused as I pull my shirt over my head.

"Is everything okay."

"Yeah, um. I just have to go find Ciaran because you are not him and I just found out that I am madly in love with him. I had a hunch, but this just proves that I was right."

"Glad I could help."

I run out of his apartment and fumble with my phone to call Ciaran. I get his voicemail.

"Hey, um. I made a big mistake tonight and I really need a ride home. God, I don't know why I'm calling you. This is fucking stupid of me, isn't it? I'm such a fucking idiot! Of course you won't come save me from this place after I pretended you didn't save my life. I'll just figure something else out. Just don't-"

As I walk out of the building rambling on, Ciaran is leaning against his car, smoking a cigarette.

"-be an asshole about it." I say slowly, mezmorized. It's like I've never seen Ciaran in my life.

"Technically, we never broke up. I could do it now, saying you are a cheater, but I forgive you." Ciaran says, flicking the end of his cigarette on the sidewalk.

"Have you been here since Dax and I arrived?"

"What can I say? I knew you would choke."

"You don't know what happened." I poke at his chest.

"Whatever happened, he didn't please you good enough."

He opens the car door and motions for me to enter. We speed away from the apartment complex.

"Chloe got three weeks outside school suspension. It took a lot of fighting between my mom and her parents. Chloe's parents think she can't do any wrong. She's an angel living among them. The superintendent watched the camera feed and agreed she needed to leave for awhile."

I nod my head in approval. I look at him. Shit. I really am in love with Ciaran.

I open my mouth to speak but Ciaran talks on.

"I almost gave up, you know. When I got to the apartment, I thought, 'This is it. It's officially over.' I'm going to die either alone or with a pornstar. Both I wasn't too keen on doing."

"Where do we go from here?" I ask.

"Well, for starters, I owe you a date."

"At five in the morning?"

"The diner never closes."

He kept his word. We ate until we were full and laughed until we were blue in the face. Ciaran sat right beside me in the booth, keeping me close to his side. He would steal kisses from me. I would steal them back. I think our waitress was pissed off because we were the only ones in the diner and being loud. Fuck her. She's just jealous.

Ciaran also managed to order me a full plate of bacon. I knew I chose the right guy to fall in love with. Now how do I share with Ciaran that I love him? I get one step closer and then come to a road block. Motherfucker.

"Ciaran?"

He turns his face toward me and runs his fingers through his hair.

Panic builds within me. "Can we take some bacon home?"

He laughs. "Anything for you."

I'll do it another time. This moment is too perfect to be ruined by my shitty love confession.