Sunflower

Chapter 13

Present Day Continued...

Chris

I drive through Hillcrest Cemetery slowly, praying to God I don't pass a cop who would surely question why I'm here at this hour. An eerie fog is starting to settle near the ground, making this place look even more creepy than it usually is.

I park on the side of the narrow roadway that runs through the cemetery and get out of the car. I look around, making sure the area is clear of any ghosts, ghouls or zombies. I don't believe in those types of things, but the vibe you get from a cemetery during the early morning hours will have you questioning everything.

As I near the top of the hill where Tommy is buried, I hear Lucy's voice. She's not crying, but rather...talking? Laughing? I move closer, listening carefully to what she's saying.

"Can you believe it? I'm so stupid right? Chris is such a good guy and I...I can't seem to get my shit together," she slurs, very obviously drunk. "I love him...I love him so much. I can remember...when you told me I turned pink whenever he was nice to me, or when he kissed me, or when he tucked my hair behind my ear. Or when he said my name. He could make me blush so easily."

I move up behind the tree on top of the hill, hiding myself from her view. It feels wrong to eavesdrop on her like this, but this may be the only opportunity I have to get a little raw honesty from her.

"He doesn't make me feel like that anymore," she says, laying down on the ground next to Tommy's grave.

My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. I knew things were changing between us, but I never knew we were losing the spark we used to have. Maybe because only one of us lost it.

"It's not his fault though...it's mine...I feel like...I can't let him give up his dreams for me because I'm not worth it. I used to be, years ago. I used to be...someone who was worthy of his love. But now...I'm not that same girl anymore. He's not that same guy. And...maybe we just don't fit into each other's world now."

I'm just about make my presence known, but she continues. "I can't let him go to the other side of the world while things are...like this...but...I also can't let him stay here and give up a huge opportunity for me. I keep telling myself that one day, he'll thank me. He'll be a rich, successful businessman, traveling the world. He'll barely remember his college girlfriend..."

She sits up and pulls her knees up to her chest. She looks up to the sky, which is full of stars tonight. Now that I'm looking at it myself, it's breathtaking. It's the perfect kind of sky to sit under while you remind your girlfriend of five years that she does still love you, no matter what she thinks.

"I don't want that either though," Lucy says after a while. "I don't want him to forget about me. I don't want him to move on and find someone else. But I also don't want to hold him back. And that's what I'm doing right now. I'm keeping him from moving on with his life, because I'm afraid I won't be in it much longer. How do you even tell someone that though? How do you say, I love you, but this has to be over?  Because you need to experience life apart from me..."

"Why?" I ask, stepping out from behind the tree and making her gasp in surprise.

She stares up at me in shock for a few seconds before she's able to answer. "Chris...I..."

"Why do I need to experience life apart from you?" I ask, slowly walking towards her.

She stutters out some kind of inaudible response and stands up, looking like she's about to make a run for it. I quickly close the space between us and grab her arm to stop her.