Sunflower

Chapter 32

6 months later...

"That's the last of everything," Andrew says, bringing the final box down from the apartment Chris and I have shared for most of the past few years.

"I can't believe you're leaving Manhattan," Cole frowns.

"We always knew we wouldn't be here very long," Chris says, closing the door on our moving van. "I mean, this is no place to raise a kid."

"I was raised in Manhattan and I turned out just fine," Sam says.

Both Cole and Andrew give him a look. "I don't know that I'd say fine, but you're...interesting," Cole shrugs.

"I agree with you though. You're going to start your new life in the Pennsylvania suburbs, with a white picket fence, a little dog, and seven perfect, beautiful children," Annie smiles.

"Seven?" Cole asks in disbelief.

"I know they said they wanted a big family, but seven is more than you need for a whole basketball team," Andrew laughs.

"Well, we don't know our stopping number just yet," Chris smirks, patting my belly. "We just know number one will be coming soon."

"Wait, what?!" Annie asks in surprise.

Chris and I can only laugh at their stunned reactions.

"I'm pregnant," I smile. "Only six weeks. We were going to wait and tell you over dinner tonight, but since you've already brought up our future children..."

"Wow! I'm going to be an uncle?!" Andrew grins ear to ear.

I nod excitedly.

"When did you find out?" Annie asks.

"Just last weekend," I answer. "I hadn't been feeling well, but I thought maybe it was my nerves, given that my mother's trial is coming up. I took a test just to be sure and imagine my surprise when it was positive."

"Imagine your surprise? You and Chris have sex literally all the time," Andrew scoffs. "I can't believe it's taken you this long to get pregnant, honestly."

"I guess these things just come in their own time. It's the perfect ending to a traumatic few years," I say, looking over at Chris.

He was so excited to learn I was pregnant. It's something we had always talked about and I knew Chris wanted a big family someday. After all that had gone wrong in my life, I had started to wonder if I'd ever have my own children. And if I did, would I even be a good mother?

But I can't call into question everything about myself. It wasn't my fault Tommy died and it wasn't my fault my father died. I can't keep holding onto guilt that was never mine to hold in the first place.

Besides, I know Tommy would want me to start a family. He would be excited for me, excited about becoming an uncle. And my father...I can just imagine the look on his face when he found out he would be a grandpa. He was such a fun dad when I was a kid. I remember going to hockey games and saying my first curse words. Dad always told me not to tell my mom, that it was our little secret. When mom was off on her annual girls trip, dad would order us pizza and he'd let me stay up late and watch movies my mother wouldn't dream of letting me watch. But then life got in the way- work, money, marriage, Tommy. Pretty soon, he wasn't the same person anymore.

But I have chosen to remember him for what he used to be and not what he had become. I want to remember my mom that way too. She's facing twenty-five to life if things don't go in her favor. It's likely that I may never see her again, and if I do, it will never be the same.