The Maia and Ross Diaries 2

I'm not first place material and when I do win it's usually something I didn't put my life's work into. I began to wonder if people thought I was ordinary, a mark made directly towards the background and nothing more... and it got to the point where I wouldn't blame them for thinking that. I felt exactly like that and nothing more. I felt like first place never needed me.

We love to think highly of ourseleves and that we are going in the direction that we have always wanted to go in but sometimes we will just find ourseleves going in circles;we realize we aren't high. We aren't elite. We aren't special. We are simply like everybody else.

We walk through the day, faking smiles with shoulders slim but raised and our eyes the key to how we feel inside. But we keep silent.

I wanted to fill that silence.

I come to find later on I'm not just this ordinary person - this simple girl. I learned that I'm not the girl in the magazines who fit the dress but that would just be giving it all away. Instead I stand tall and write about it. I wouldn't believe myself ten years from now, if I tried to tell myself I was going to be okay.

Instead I had to remember that my mother once said "The carousel never stops turning. You can't get off." And I learned to find out she wasn't completely full of crap and I was on the longest carousel ride of my life. I was going to survive. But my loved ones weren't.