Of course I'll be fine, I'm always fine. But we have to fight, because it's just us now. There were five of us and now it's just you and I and it can't be just me. It can't be. I will go down swinging for you, Ross. You know I will. But that means y...
I once thought the worst day of loving someone was the day that you lose them. Confusion is part of it. Like hating your dad for a moment so badly and then when he's finally gone forever, loving and missing him so dearly that you wish you could hate him again so that you could love him just as much. You wish you could have all the bad back so you could have the good too.
That's how you find out if something's really there. Emotions are never black and white. They're more like symptoms. You lose your breath every time they enter a room. Your heart beats faster when they walk by. Your skin tingles when they stand close enough to feel their breath.
So when they vanish, when they aren't your forever anymore? What happens to that heart that used to skip a beat and that breath you lost just looking at them? What happens to you?
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"I feel extremely gay and slutty today, Maia! I'm unstoppable! I am so ready, my dick is exploding!" Austin accidentally sprayed the Windex bottle into Alex Karev's eyes horizontal from him and all you could see from then on was a screaming Karev and a timid Austin with a big smile.
"Ready to gay!"
Jacksonville
It was time to give the house where I grew up with my deceased family members, away. My friends flew to Jacksonville with me to come back to the house where we exchanged our most ridiculous talks and teen angst rages about boys. The house I lived in while I fell in love. When I see this house, I know it brings back some horrible moments. But it brings back home too.
Still, it was time to box everything up and move on for the sake of keeping sane; feeling so much pain at night just because I remember it all including all that time I still payed bill notices for this house and for what? That's the part you never think about, but if you have no reason to keep holding on, then why do you?
I have every reason to hold on but if I do, I don't think I'll make it all the way back to simplicity. Not that simplicity is even in my corner right now. But Ross and I think it's time to let go... maybe when I pack up some of Hailey's things I'll be reminded of some pretty good times. But I had to remember cautiously at the same time giving things up takes your training, your choices, your wits...
Your hands, your stitch.
Cleaning
Even under the best circumstances, moving can be a chaotic and stressful process that often takes weeks. But when you have your best friends, two gay friends and a relatively supportive husband it seems to go by like quicksand.
Nina, Dana, Laura and Hailey's college friends came along with Austin and Alex. I made sure to leave Peyton and the kids in the best care possible which was in Cristina and George's. As in those fools were my best care possible. Nah, it was just on short notice.
