The Maia and Ross Diaries 2

C25 - Tell Him/Stronger

I'm strong, I try to be strong, I see light after the broken bits have been repaired. But even I know when it's okay not to be. Never ever settle for someone who can't respect your power, and never settle for anyone who doesn't love you when you're powerless.

Maia

I was surprised at my own self that I could stand up. Taller after the stitching and surgery. Taller without the baby bump that no longer weighed me down. That I could look at the two babies that were wrapped in pink and blue, placed behind the glass nursery without any problems. Nothing holding me back from feeling happy.

I could tell which one's were ours. Ross and I's newborns, I could see them out of all, instantly. Little Shor had looked like his dad, and Charlotte looked a lot like me. A family. We were a big family now, and as much as I wish my Mom and Dad could see, I had one special person who would never miss his kid's birth.

I'd overcame so much, I think. I feel stronger on my toes looking at my kids. From Jacksonville Loser to this. And finding out The Mean Girls from high school aren't so mean and their Burn Book doesn't really exist. It was all temporary, and a motive that my husband caused had gotten me into this.

I lost so much anyway. My dad through the this journey, and I'm not over him being gone. But I take a deep breath, and realize he's not coming back and I have to walk with the pain. But today, at this moment, I feel like a fighter... I was seeing things in permanent black and white before this moment. Ross, Peyton, my friends, everyone who cared. But I see a little color now.

I stood wrapped in a pink robe, my hair strands in my face, but tied back for Ross to join me in a black shirt and jeans, his hair covering his eyes. He held my hand through the pregnancy and he made it okay while I was screaming. He talked me through it. He was there for me. I mean, the pain nearly killed me, no more kids for sure, but he was there when I needed him. It has not felt like that in a long time but when he looked in my eyes today, it reminded me I love him. A crazy, unstable, love.
But I would not let that love be my weakness anymore. He could never change himself, but I loved him anyway for who he was.

"Your skinny again, check you out." He looked at my stomach, as a soft laugh escaped my lips.

He stood next to me and his eyes followed mine, looking out into the nursery at Shor next to all the other babies, Charlotte on the other side of him. My eyes we're on Charlotte, because she was so cute to me. In Ross' opinion all babies look ugly at first, which I laugh at.

We'd already chosen favorites instantly. "Shor looks so much like you." I told him blankly and folding my arms.

"He's going to get all the girls." Ross smirked as I looked over to him in a smile. I would make sure Char stayed away from boys. 

Yes, like I failed at with Peyton, a second daughter is like redemption from when you tried but didn't succeed, at the first try with it. But it's ok. Peyton knows I'm not perfection... but we both worked on something important this year, and last year, if I say self importance, it'll seem like I say it all the time. But I don't say it enough.

"Ross," I said blankly. He looked over at me, the expression on his face, lips open and eyes in small panic, knowing I'd bring up the Shay problem. But we can't run away from our problems. And we can't change the past. We have to face it. "I don't ever want you to be a mistake" I said apologizing for what I said to him at the house, "But I still, I'm still learning how to deal with your mistakes from the past... But I'll live with them, like you lived with mine."

His lips closed and his arm touched mine slightly from the side, his skin comforting in a way. I looked over to him in a smile. "I love you, and I don't love anyone but you. But you have to apologize to Shay."