The Maia and Ross Diaries 2

C33 - Color Blind

"Mercedes, the problem is you're black."...

I want to go to the low end... I want to cut... but if I do it will just add on to the reasons I am bleeding. I understand that sad is played out and the people out there don't want to know about your recovery, your personal life, your fail. They only pay attention when you begin to win. And I could say I am scared to lose again... I guess I am losing. But I am not scared.

I don't feel anything anymore but Ross. I can hear his voice.

Maia

"Why did you hit Ross?" I let out, dropping some leads on Ross on the floors of Mark's trailer. His father froze as his back was turned to me while he'd sat at his computer desk; trying to help me. 

Awake for two days I have never thought to sleep until we knew more on Ross and we finally got a lead. 

With the help of Puck and Artie giving us the footage of that night, we searched more around the area and found a wallet. It was of course a person we didn't know... but there was one thing I did know, and it was that the people who attacked Ross are dangerous. They want something and now I'd just have to figure out what and where they want it. 

It was some kind of hope I had that he wasn't dead yet. I tried to think and be positive, out of the gray, even though I was with the most un-positive man I'd ever known... Still my heart told me that it didn't matter as long as someone was helping me find my husband before it was to late. With my history the hope I have could easily be false hope.

I sat on the chair close by him as he shut his computer. 

I don't know what to think for myself anymore because I can't think right with him gone, I can barely stand tall without remembering that he's not going to be there next to me... and I'd be so willing to get the help from a desperate man who abused his son that I didn't even give it a second thought... I just want Ross back. 

That's all I've ever wanted. 

"Please just say it." I pressed it from Mark, as he simply looked like all the adrenaline had faded from him right then. The border that was between us. For a moment it felt like there wasn't one, but it was.

"That night I had about ten beers... Stormie was pregnant with Rowan. I tried... I tried asking him about you," He looked down as his balled hands started to fidget, my face studying the side of his. "And I was trying to apologize for being a bad father, but I knew what I wanted to do to Ross... At the time he was just a little kid," He sighed regrettingly leaning further down. "And he was standing up for you... but I figured since I was going to have the kid I'd always wanted, that Ross... "

"And you tried to kill him?" I said mockingly. "You're pride a-!"

"I was not proud of him, Maia!" He shouted. "I was not proud of Ross. I was disappointed in him. He was a disappointment to me and when I tried to kill him I promised myself that I wouldn't feel anything! But he's had my grandchildren! He's made something of himself!"

I stood up over him, feeling my head spin. I knew people changed, they do. "That doesn't make what you did OK!" But not everybody.

"I would take all of it back, I would Maia. You have to believe me or see that I was trying to change! I want to be a part of his life..."

"Mark, you can't be apart of something you tried to destroy." 

The House