Of course I'll be fine, I'm always fine. But we have to fight, because it's just us now. There were five of us and now it's just you and I and it can't be just me. It can't be. I will go down swinging for you, Ross. You know I will. But that means y...
Nina's mom visited today. Shit. That's my cue to tell you it's just as dark as it seems and all hell has broken loose and all I can do is what everybody has to do everyday: feel. It doesn't get any easier. But eventually you will see that it's not as hard as it was. It doesn't affect time. You'll stand there with every broken memory you have, but you have to move forward with every memory that is broken.
If it were any other time in my life I'd make a joke about Nina's mom visiting. I have no choice but to get with the program that being alive offers which is help and support. I'll smell a damn rose if it makes me any perkier, or I'll hum or I'll run around with Shor and Charlotte. But does it actually help?
"I can't imagine how you must feel; losing your family. Your own sister and close friend." Mrs. Kyid looked sorrowfully towards me while holding Nina and I's hands across the kitchen table we sat. The bright lights Damon reinstalled filled the kitchen. I thought atleast the house I lived in for the rest of my life could use something brighter and new.
"Best friend." Nina muttered softly correcting her Mom.
Sitting aside of me; my best friend remaining looked horrible. Her hair was wrapped in a double tied ponytail, her blonde hair poking out like thorns would. Her eyes tired and the light bags underneath them. She wore the same heavy coat she did when she was going through her eating disorder and I worried; but I didn't say anything. I let tired mean tired and heavy coats be coats.
And of course besides besties, beside the loss. There's the serious part to every incident. The most crucial. Facing the cause.
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The night in bed trying desperately to sleep I felt Ross shift away from his side of the bed and closer to my side. "How was it?"
I felt this enjoyment of him wanting to talk to me at that late hour because I really did need it. My mind was everywhere and his voice was a comfort in the bottomless pit of thought. "It was very sweet, but Nina looked like she was on crack and her mother wanted to talk about extraordinary measures on Ron's brother."
"I think you need therapy." Ross chuckled.
"This is therapy."
Ross smiled softly and his lips came together in the perfect rest. The way he looked at me was so peaceful and kind, it was like I got a high off of it everytime. I just couldn't bring myself to say that aloud. I'm just a little more silent lately if not mute; I speak when necessary. I do what I'm supposed to do. I do try to say more but I also keep a limit on it because it's like no matter what I say it all means the same thing.
He prepped himself on his pillow, his deodorant flaring around and I caught the scent. It meant my day hadn't ended. "You're gonna survive this, you know that? Everyone does. You will, especially."
