The Maia and Ross Diaries 2

C8 - I Look To You

I carefully and slowly placed my hands together. I had violently tripped to the edge of my bed breaking one of my heels. No arms to fall in... I just let out a loud cry when I hit my knee on the floor and slowly lent my head down in complete, utter, sadness letting the tears fall. So I stayed there until I was sure this all was really happening to me... Until I knew it was all real. While on the edge of my bed I realized I was shivering, and not because it was cold. In fact, I can barely stay still.

I held my head down slowly letting the tears mount down, and prayed. || I don't do it much, but I do it. And right now I needed someone to hear me. To hear me crying, and screaming. I was done putting up a border and being strong. Walls we're coming in on me, and I was suffocating. I was screaming.

Hailey called.

And while I needed a sister to talk to about my troubles, her scared voice shot through the phone that dad was getting worse lately. Worse. Well, look at that. Worse. Nothing gets better in this universe... It just gets worse... and I knew I didn't want to turn to anybody else, but god. After all my strength is gone, I know I need to get on my knees and just give in for a few moments.

My dad had MS when I was in high school in both of his hands; I was destroyed but he was still alive, but even the thought of him dying scares me. And Hailey told me it has started affecting him worse where it has been damaging his brain and spinal cord. And I have been sobbing since. It's my dad. That's all I've got, and that's the only man I know I can love for eternity.

When my mom died I never thought I'd recover. And I almost didn't. But I did, and I got over how I never had gotten to say good bye...

And it hurts. It hurts so badly.

I don't want to say "good bye" to my dad. Goodbye hurts. And I don't want to feel this pain I feel every day. I'm just hoping I'm heard. By anyone, while I pleaded that my father survive this all.

After a while of sobs and pleads, I felt some one next to me. In panic, knowing god won't just poof on me, I looked up.

It was kind of embarrassing since Peyton felt bad for the pain on my face, but I just sighed it off. "Mom." She bit her lips, and even though she didn't know what my problem was she hugged me anyway. It didn't take long after, that she prayed with me.

Meeting // Friday

Today everybody was at work. I had a two folder's of gibberish in my hand, I called a chapter. But I didn't care at the moment. I was going home on Saturday, to check on my dad. Even as an adult my love for him was full. And a book would never change how I felt about him.

I had my head down the whole day, hoping know one would see my eyes. They we're flooded from yesterday. And I didn't care how many times I was going to tell myself to keep being strong... Now wasn't the time for being denial and saying I will be, or acting like I'm Wonder Woman. Or a bad ass.

Now I'm just a person.

After so much looking down I finally ran into someone and dropped all my folders to the ground in a snap. "Shit." I muttered.

I didn't even mean to say that, but it just came out. Finn looked at me surprised, and looked at me with his mouth peering open, "I'm so sorry," He started quickly picking up the papers, as I wiped a few crocodile tears from my face, and helped him.

"It's fine." I haven't really spoken since that day, and when I did I sounded like one sad Elmo. Or at least my voice was very croaked and tense.

Finn finally handed me one of my folders, as I had the other. He put the other one in my arms, and I gave a weird smile. "Thank you." Trying to walk away, he blocked me.