The Maia and Ross Diaries 2

C1 - Pilot

My mother said one thing that stuck, she said, "The carousel never stops turning. You can't get off-" and then she died. She could've been right, I mean, life is full of everything you wish you could have and more. When you don't get it, the world continues to turn. You can't get off.

All I could really remember when Ross got his first tour call, is that I was sitting at the kitchen table with Peyton talking about how great our trip was going to be to Jacksonville together. I was a positive force of nature, I felt bright and shiny here. But the feeling doesn't last long. One minute you have the world in your mind and the next you just have your mind.

But he came out from that living room with that big smile on his face and told me "R5's got a tour!" At first I was happy. What wife wouldn't be happy? We we're going to be wealthy, we we're going to be happy - he's going to be all over the world. He was going.

A part of me faded away into the atmosphere... My soul had completely dropped somewhere out of my reach and no matter how many times I tried to reach for full control... I felt nothing, just my stomach humming in worry suddenly aching and a small tear wanting to sneak out.

Peyton ran from her seat and hugged him. Like he was just free come and go; but I didn't want a hug, and I wanted it to not be real. But it was, as soon as he said, "Finally!" that there was no tweaking the reality of my situation. He said finally and that's when I knew everything was going to change.

"Tour?" I asked him.

He put his arms out towards me, smiling nonstop.

"Are you going?"

"Of course I'm going," He told me, his arms still out for me. I rested my arms on the table and tried not to frown.

"Mom, he's going to be famous. This is acceptable!" Peyton said, being optimistic.

"Shut up Peyton." I regretted it right before it even came out... didn't mean to say that, and I never recalled telling my daughter to shut up as long as she's been alive until that moment. I felt as if I told my own mother to shut up at the look Peyton shot back at me.

Ross watched over me shocked and I was shocked at myself more than him. Peyton always made a habit of wanting to stop us before we started arguing. But I couldn't focus without wanting to hit Ross or get the point across. I couldn't focus at all. That's all we ever want to do, is raise our voices and scream. But we never see the bigger picture until after the fight.

Ross' arms fell down and a frown spread across his face. I turned to Peyton, "I didn't mean-" but she was already lounging upstairs and before I knew it I felt even more horrible than before.

"Maia. Really?"

"Don't do that!" I shot off the chair I was comfortably sitting in a few seconds before I was informed of a tour. "You're leaving!" Soon I was facing him, suddenly a rage filling my veins. I'd never felt like this before...At least not for a while since I graduated high school. "Are you crazy?" He clearly was never afraid to shout back. Even when we both knew Peyton was at the top of the stairs listening. I just didn't care.

"We buy the big house, you got your TV show, I have my book, I have you, we have finally got a family and you want to leave now? Ross, you had years!"

"These things are going to happen," He whispered, "Don't do this to me babe. Be happy for me. This is my dream."

"Be happy for you? I want to punch every R5 song in the face! How can I be happy for you!!?" I yelled, watching the hurt go across his face. I forgot that some of the songs we're about me and that's when I really wanted to take back my words. Life finally went downhill as an adult. The lost feeling was coming back to me, and it was almost like starting to feel like this big house was earned for no reason.