Glances

Thirty One

{ JACE }

I see her walk away.

I just break down, tears rolling down my face, I have a headache, and everything is just dizzy.

I let the only thing I love go.

I don't deserve Jamie, she's to good for me.

I am a douche bag, I've made no difference in this world, and the only thing I've ever done is ruin people's lives.

I don't blame my parents for not loving me, there is nothing to love about me.

I'm just a spoiled, rich, douchebag.

I wish I would of hit my head harder while falling down the bleachers, and hopefully die or stay in a coma forever, I have nothing to live for, nothing to gain or loose.

I slowly sit up, my stomach is bandaged so it's hard to move.

I look out the window and see Andy and Jamie get in the car.

I sigh, and wonder if Ryder is ever going to visit me.

I hear a buzz next to me, and I look at my phone.

One unread text message from Ryder.

I swipe and see the text message.

Ryder: Hey Jace, I know this is a really bad time to say this, but I'm breaking up with you, I found someone better to bang. ;)

I see it and just put my phone down.

Tears roll down my face.

Being in a relationship with Ryder was like holding a wolf by the ears, if you let it go, it comes back and bites you, But if you hold on too long, it claws you slowly, breaking you one by one.

I felt alone, like I was the last person on Earth. I feel like I'm loosing my grip on life, like I'm holding onto a cliff, every time someone tries to pull me back up, I insist I'm fine, and let the rock scratch and bruise my hands,waiting to fall or just let go, hoping maybe someone will catch me.

Ever since I've dated Ryder, I've been going in circles, I was a dog trying to chase his tail.

I lay staring at the white ceiling, hearing the shuffling of shoes in the halls, and feeling the cold hospital air touch my skin.

My face is red from crying, and my face is sticky from tears. I wasted my time for someone who didn't love me, when I had someone who did the whole time.

I was on an emotional roller coaster, going up and down, upside down, and I'm just waiting for the ride to end, to get off, and carry on with my life.

I felt my life was shattering like glass, and I try to put the pieces back together, but I just mess everything up.

I pick up the phone and call Jamie.

She answers.

" Hello? " she says sounding annoyed.

" Jamie, I'm sorry, I had everything I needed right In front of me, you. I never even realized it. I'm sorry...." I say bit knowing what else's to say.

" Is fine Jace, I know you are always in your own little world " she says and hangs up.

I sigh, and let sleep take over me.