Chasing Wattpad

You, My Dear, Are A Wattpad Addict

Some day some of you will walk into your own house and find that several family members are already there sitting in your living room. Maybe your parents, some brothers and sisters, a friend from work, your church pastor, and a member of a local free mental health clinic (they will be the ones wearing white, don't panic) might also be there. You of course will be too dumbfounded to even understand what is going on. You will ask how they got in your house and what the hell is going on. You will feign confusion and turn around to go back out the door, but the guy in all white will beat you to it. You turn back around and go to the living room again and sit down. Everyone looks at you with sullen faces and you have the audacity to ask, "What is all this about?"

The pastor will say, "I want you to understand that everyone in this room is here because they love you (well, not the guy in white). They are here for you. They don't want to see you hurt anymore. You aren't  just hurting yourself, you are hurting everyone around you."  You will turn to your mom with tears in your eyes hoping she can save you from this. Her eyes fill up with tears also. She reaches out to hug you. You do the same. But just as you reach out for her your phone gives this long buzzing signal. You recognize the signal before it even stops.  You stop dead in your tracks. It's not a message, or email. It's not even a Facebook, Snap Chat, tumblr, or even a tweet. IT'S A WATTPAD NOTIFICATION. Someone somewhere on this planet has just left a comment on your profile. Or, maybe liked or voted for one of your stories. You leave your mom hanging with her arms wide open ready to receive you. You check your phone.  She let's out a cry and runs out of the room. You look up at everybody, still dumbfounded, and ask "What?"

YOU, MY DEAR, ARE A WATTPAD ADDICT. 

Don't laugh. This could be you. Like any other social media site Wattpad can be addictive. I know what you are thinking. Is that really a thing? Wattpad addiction? Sure it is. And most of you already know it. Don't lie. 

It is estimated that there are already over 2 billion users of social media in the world today. Recently I read somewhere that 18% of social media users can't go a few hours without checking Facebook, and 28 % of IPhone users check their Twitter feed before getting up in the morning.  That's right, before getting out of bed. Sound familiar?

I know a lot of you do that. You write your heart out in a story and you want to know if people read it. You get on the computer  a few times a day to check. You keep the phone close. Real close. You have already learned to love that Wattpad notification signal. You know, that extended buzz or beep. You hear it and automatically endorphins get released into your system. It's like drug already. Some of you leave the phone on all night so you can check on it. You used to complain about getting up to go to the bathroom at night but now you know that every trip to the bathroom at night is a chance to check your wattpad app. Your smiling right now, because it's true. 

You're a writer. You have to keep writing. The people at Wattpad know this. So what do they do? They give you drugs in the form of votes and reads. They put the numbers up for you right where you can see them so you can need them. You need those numbers to go up. They must go up!  After a while you just have to keep checking those numbers. You look at your phone 10 times a day and ask yourself this question "Hmmm...It's 515 reads right now. I think it was 512 earlier. I'm not sure though. I think it was. I need to remember this number. Maybe I should write it down to make sure. Yeah, I should write it down. That way I can know if it changed."  Yeah, Wattpad has you hooked. 

Then you  think you have outsmarted Wattpad. You realize that you can just keep writing. In order to get more likes and votes and reads you have to keep writing. So you create books with chapters. Lots and lots of chapters. Instead of writing that story all at once like you already have it in your head you give it to us a tiny slice at a time. You do that so we can vote for one stupid story a million times and your little read numbers go up. Or worse you have a poetry book and you write those damn 3 sentence poems so we can log on and read and vote again on your little book. Damn you. Damn you to hell Wattpad! This just feeds your addiction. It's a vicious circle and you are trapped in it. 

And like other addicts most of you will never admit that you have a problem. Nope not you. You could stop anytime you want. Yeah, right. 

You know what really scares me about those statistics that I mentioned earlier is that they are just talking about regular people. Just your average person who uses a social media site. But what about writers? They aren't your average person. Writers are crazy (and yes, sexy, I know, very sexy). They aren't your regular type of people. They see more, feel more, and do more. They take crazy to new levels. A Wattpad addiction is not like a regular Facebook or Twitter addiction. Those people are just nuts. Wattpadders are nuts with sprinkles. Lots and lots of sprinkles. 

Well Wattpadder, what are you to do? How the hell do I know? I'm just an ex-homicide detective with way too much time on his hands.  The only thing I can tell you is to take it easy. Slow down. Do what you were born to do, -write. But do it for you. Not for stupid Wattpad and their votes and reads and other crap. Write for you. And you know what? Don't do it here. Write somewhere else. Use another program to write your stuff and take your time. Take a break from Wattpad once in a while. Log out of the app from your phone and take a few days off. You will be okay.

And you know what the biggest secret is to not becoming a Wattpad addict is? Let me tell you, it's..uh..hold on...my phone just buzzed...someone just commented on one of my stories...gotta go..see ya.