Is Wattpad a good or bad thing? Are the people on here writers or do they just think they are? Whatever your answer to those questions there are a lot of mysteries surrounding Wattpad and the people that choose to write here. Every day thousands of...
Recently I subscribed to an email notification system that sends out messages when Wattpad is having a problem. I actually thought that was a good idea. Turns out I am not the brightest lightbulb in the room. Here I thought it would be nice to know in advance if there were problems. Now the only real problem I have is that I get an email from Wattpad every other day telling me the world is ending and that all I can do is watch.
Look, we all have issues. Some of us more than others. But, it appears, none of us more that Wattpad. If Wattpad was a person it would be in therapy right now. How much therapy exactly I don't know. Does Wattpad need a psychologist? A psychiatrist? Or maybe some group therapy. I vote group therapy.
Wattpad- (raises hand) I don't belong here.
Facebook- You're in denial kid. I know you're new to this, but we all belong here. We all bit off more than we could chew early on. It happens. We all have performance problems.
Pinterest- (giggles) You said performance problems.
Wattpad- Seriously what am I doing here? I don't have performance problems. Yeah, I get a little overwhelmed sometimes, but that's just because millions of people love me and use me everyday. You guys are just jealous.
Twitter- You've all got performance problems. It's because you let people take advantage of you. Not me. I let them put in 140. No more, no less. If it's longer than 140 it doesn't go in. No exceptions.
Pinterest- (giggles) OMG longer than 140 what?
Vine- I give them 6 seconds then on to the next one.
Twitter- Pinterest that's not funny! Vine, you're a slut.
Facebook.-All of you shut up! And Wattpad just relax. You'll find your rhythm soon. Everything eventually works out. You're gonna be okay. Just remember not to lie to yourself. Do what you can but don't over do it. If you don't stay true to what you wanted to be you will just end up like Myspace.
Pinterest, Twitter, Wattpad, Vine (in unison)- What's Myspace?
No none of them will ever go into therapy. But if Wattpad was a person and I was still a cop I would forcibly detained Wattpad and put her (look she's got to be a her) on a 72 hour hold in some mental facility. It has really gone crazy in the last few weeks. But at least it admits it. I think Wattpad needs to take a vacation. And some Xanax. Lots of Xanax. Lots and lots of Xanax.
At least Wattpad admits it though. I hear that is the first step towards healing. But I wish it would be more honest with us.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
What they are really trying to say is " Look, we could have spent the extra 10 bucks on more database space, larger servers, and related infrastructure but we had to buy Hershey's Hot chocolate mix for the coffee room because those damn non-coffee drinkers were threatening legal action".
I really don't know how a company can do everything to attract every teenager from around the world and then not be prepared to handle every teenager from around the world. How do you invite people and not make room for them? Facebook had a couple of trillion things going on every day and never gets overwhelmed with a "larger than normal" anything. You're telling me Kim Kardashian's naked butt could not crash the internet but me uploading another story did? How does that happen?
Here is another one.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
This one actually means "Things have gone to shit. This will affect all of you. You should just get off now until we figure out who screwed up. There will be no bonus for us this week."
Yeah, I don't know why they say some users when they mean everyone. Or for sure, at least, me. Always me. I tend to think they probably have me on my own little server all by myself so they can switch it on and off at will. I can just see those Wattpad employees drinking coffee (and the weird ones drinking chocolate) in the coffee room just laughing and switching me on and off. They probably even have an app for it on their phones.
There are a few others but eventually there is this one
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
This one of course means "WE KICK ASS. OUR KUNG FU IS STRONG. YES, WE ARE FROM CANADA, BUT WE KNOW KUNG FU AND IT IS STRONG! ". Yeah, they eventually work it out. Or the computer does. Or some guy in the coffee room just switches me back on. Whatever the case they work it out. In the end I guess these guys know what they are doing. I just wish they could stop it from happening in the first place.
Many of us have precious little time to be on here. We pick a couple of hours and if those hours are out of service then we won't be back for another week or so (not me, but you know, busy people). So many writers can't sit around and wait for these issues to resolve.
And before some of you start crying that this is free and we should be grateful for what we have, don't fool yourself. There is nothing free about Wattpad. It costs you more than you are willing to admit. But we'll talk about that later. For now just hang on for things to resolve themselves and get better.
Assuming I can ever save this update (I have tried for 3 days) I guess I will see you next time. I have a few more stories to try and save on here. I don't know if they will ever get uploaded. I might just go back to my old writing program.
I think I am going to stop requesting these status alerts. They give me heartburn.
